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I am really looking forward to it Ownit! I also just wear tinted moisturiser but sometimes it would be nice to wear something different in the evening and I have no clue about eyeshadow!

Journaling: I feel like H is playing mind games with me, ugh! I responded this morning to his text from last night and just said I had a good day. He came back immediately and said that was good and again said about D being nervous about her exam results but I didn't respond that time. I didn't think he was asking me a question just stating a fact. Then he kept chasing D to find out how she did (she did okay by the way!) and eventually she let him know. Then randomly he texted me "Are you a proud mummy!! Xx" - WTF! What a strange thing to ask! This is the man who couldn't even send me a birthday card. Anyway I mulled it over for a few hours and responded that yes off course I was proud and that I was taking D out to dinner to celebrate. Again he responded immediately and said that was fantastic and that she deserved it. So again I left it and did not respond back. Then about half an hour later I get another text from him asking how my niece did in her exams. So I didn't respond until after dinner when I said she did okay too. Again he immediately responded that he was glad she did well and he hoped we had a nice dinner!

I don't get it. He acts as if everything is okay between us and we can just have a nice chat. He acts like we didn't just have our seventh wedding anniversary which he ignored! This is the most he has voluntarily texted me since Christmas. I really wanted to ask him if he is now going to go back to acting like I don't exist because I guess that is what he will do now. He has got the information he needs from me. I served a purpose. This just takes me back to square one because I am crying again. I just want him to disappear forever so I don't have to deal with him anymore. This just $ucks!

Hi Coly, I can see how it must be unsettling to have him in contact that way.

In terms of your situation though I see it as a positive - as long as you can manage to remain detached and steady through the contact with him.

From what you described above, he sounds like the pusuer in those interactions and you the distancer. That's no bad thing I feel.

If you can manage pleasant and distant, shrug and go about your day, that's great.

Have a lovely long weekend xx

Hey Sotto, thanks for the visit. I agree that the interactions with H are positive and he seems to want to engage but you are also right in that they are very unsettling.

I feel like I have taken about 10 steps back this week! It's been rough and I'm afraid I'm not coping very well. When we made the decision to get married two days before my birthday little did I know that it would make it the worst three days of August! And then to top it off the stress of D getting her exam results the day after my birthday just sent me over the edge. I'm an emotional wreck at the moment!

I also feel like his feelings towards me have become even more indifferent. Last year I got a birthday card from H and also his parents. This year I got nothing. What does that mean? His interactions by text don't match up with his actions and I really don't understand. Am I missing something here? Is he just faking being nice to me over text but really he just can't stand me? I'm just so confused!

I've got a party with my family today and I nearly cancelled it yesterday because all I want to do is curl up in a ball and shut everything out. I was doing so well but I'm just crumbling now...

Sweetheart, first of all {{{{{hugs}}}}}
No, you did not get a card. You got an entire several hours of pursuit instead.

This is just my take and God knows I could be completely wrong but it seems to me he seems pretty interested in people tied to you and to you also (hbd in the am and did you have a nice day in the evening ... no one who isn't missing someone does that)

I think D's rejection has maybe shaken him out of a bit of the MLC stupor. Don't forget it was also his wedding anniversary too. Just because they're in MLC doesn't mean they don't feel something on these dates. My D group leader (a psychologist) pointed out that even the people leaving are dealing with grief and loss of the family and relationship.
Does it mean anything beyond this? Time alone will tell. He's still baking you see, but it certainly seems to me that you - and by extension your family - are on his mind.

Honey I know how it hurts to be in contact with him. I KNOW! {{{{{hugs}}}}} It's ok that it hurts. It means you were committed and you loved your husband. It doesn't feel good, but it's sadly a normal part of this. So if you can, try to embrace that you're a lovely soul who knows how to commit and love another. Please don't lose sight of that in the midst of the hurt.

You were so looking forward to your Caribbean party! Dig deep Coly, because you deserve a lovely celebration of your birth with people who are able to show up in person. Someday that crowd may include H or may include someone who can also commit and love another the way you most need. Only God knows and it's in His time sadly, not ours, but don't waste this day. This is YOUR celebration and you deserve it and every happiness.

I'm sending you love and massive birthday {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

xoxoxo

Mwah :*

I agree with bttrfly, not sure that I think it will go anywhere just yet but the pursuit of D is definitely tied to you. I think he is feeling you guys bob out of view and is having a hard time with it. Mine does that with all the move up north business he is always pulling.

I say good that you don't have this stuff peppered through the year. My trying time is late Dec/early Jan (anniversary, BD, then my birthday in an 18 day span). Once I made it through there, smoothe sailing.

Coly my dear. I sympathize with your hurt.

I'm going to suggest something that perhaps is a really bad idea.

You've been trying so hard to be strong and brave and a fabulous mom and you have so very very much to be proud of.

You are also a woman who cares deeply and who has been deeply hurt.

So - give your phone to your D and have her go visit a friend for a day or so. Disconnect the computer and if you have a land-line, rip it from the wall. If you have a good girl-friend, invite her over. Then have a really really big wallow in your grief. Let it run over you. Soak in it. Drink too much wine. Watch a sad movie. Have lots and lots of tissues. Eat ice-cream straight out of the tub. Have a big pity party because my dear friend, You deserve it.

Then after that is over - I hope that it will wash you free of some of the hurt that you feel.

As I say - perhaps a bad idea but it's worked for me when I've been at my darkest. I sometimes think that there is a well of tears and grief inside of me that sometimes just needs to be emptied. It's a lot shallower than it used to be but it's still there and putting a shining smiling cover over it doesn't make it go away.

(((Coly)))

FWIW I think his texts are quite positive....hang in there Coly (((cwtch)))

Thanks so much fo your comments everyone. I'm feeling much better today.

Bttrfly, thank you for the hugs. IDK, maybe I am missing something or because it's my sitch I just don't see it as pursuit. Maybe it's because I see pursuit as an activity that increases steadily but I have a feeling I won't hear from him for a while now!

I really hope that he thought about me on our anniversary. Even if it wasn't romantic thoughts maybe just a fondness of what we had together. I would give anything to know what he was thinking and feeling. I can imagine that D not wanting to go away with him has affected him in some way and if it didn't then he has no feelings! He must realise that his opportunity to go away with her from now on is slim to zero and that is really sad.

I did have my Caribbean themed party in the end! D talked me into it and I'm really glad she did because we had a fantastic time! My family brought some yummy food! Jerk chicken, salmon and ribs and I did rice and peas and coleslaw. Very yummy!

Ownit, if that is the case in that he gets worried when we pull away from him then it has taken a very long time to get to this stage or maybe its just that I had not given it enough time before! We have had two periods of no contact of around seven weeks each time but we always broke it by asking him to come to lunch or dinner. This time around we did not contact him since D's prom on 23rd June which was the last time we had spoken/seen to him. Although I did have to contact him about money in July but that was it, so maybe this has confused him and worried him because we haven't done what he might have expected us to do. What I do know however is that no contact is really helping me to stop spinning as you can see from my reaction when he does contact me now!

Ahh, thanks AP! I did have a good cry on Saturday morning before the party. It was very cleansing. Then I did my exercise DVD and cleaned the house to within an inch of its life in readiness for the party and that really took my mind off it all. Also I did have a real sob with a male friend of mine a couple of weeks ago after a night out drinking cocktails. He always manages to make me very emotional! He is married and bats for the other team so no danger of any inappropriateness!

Thanks for the visit Westo. I am trying so hard to take the positives from this but I guess only time will tell! I guess he is starting to realise that he is missing all the important events in D's life and we aren't bending for him.

I am going to dig deep like Bttrfly suggested and continue to live my life but try to have zero expectations as to whether this piece of contact means anything. I guess that's how I am going to have to play it from now on.

Happy Sunday everyone!

So glad you had fun at the party! What a great way to live it up.

You've got this. You are stronger than you know!

Coly,

I am so glad you had fun at the party! You need that every now and again.

I agree w/HaWho...you've got this and really and truly you are stronger than you think. Did deeper for patience because this is not a sprint, but a marathon.

Enjoy your week!