Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Got the BD last week by WAW /WW seeking guidance

Thank You Cadet for taking the time to respond. Will you kindly give your input on the other questions if you have the time.

On the day of anniversary, if I asked her to grab lunch during the day and have casual lunch like co-worlers do without mentioning the anniversary, would that be ok?

Last question for tonight I am about to go to sleep.

Yes it gets easier when you start to follow DB and the advice I gave you in the first post.

DETACH, GAL, work on self.
Be the best DAD you can be.

Thank you and have a good night Cadet.

Theoretically, detach would mean that you wouldn't do anything for your anniversary or Birthday. Basically, she needs to feel what it will be like without you. That being said, i caved and did something for Mother's Day for my WAW which goes against the rules. Read all the links Cadet has posted, they should give you some great insight. Get the books. I finally got mine, but am still reading.

There are a couple of books in pdf form you can get. One of them is ... You might try to read that one and take whatever is applicable to you from it.

Top of the morning to you all.

So the W just returned at 8 am to get ready for the work. S9 slept with me in the MBR. I was up still in the bed our eyes met, I didnt say anything.

Thank you KG, still working on detachment. Its like a roller coaster.

Whatever you do - do not move out of the MBR or the house.

Journal: two days ago
W came home in the morning, after a few mins, I asked her to give me a few minutes to talk about our family business, if she was willing to cont. her negligence towards the business, and if she understood that our family business was the only thing not in turmoil at this point and was not going in right direction. She immediately started blaming and included the R talk with the original convo and how I destroyed her life and cried about our past years. I validated best I could. I brought up OM and referred to him by his FN, she seemed shocked that I knew more about him. She asked if I been spying, I said it was a small world. She said he had been there for her when she needed the most. All last week she had been crying all night and one night been in the hospital because she couldnt breathe. I didnt respond to that. She said he is an amazing person and they have no PR and she will gladly turn it into one if he asked but he is not about that. I didnt respond. We discussed that S9 needs more attention from both of us. We both agreed. I told her I will not initiate a D but I will respect her decision if she decided to go through with it. I also said I was no longer worried about us. I was working on myself to be a better person, and she should continue to do whatever makes her happy and we will see if our paths crossed. I also suggested she gets a separate place for a while she denied. She seemed a bit disturbed about one of my GAL activities, but we didnt go in detail. Got ready and went to work. She joined a couple of hours later and had a great day. Went to gym at night, after spending abour an hour with S9. She went out after spending some time with me before I arrived home. She had returned before I came back from gym. We both slept in MBR, had a good sleep. How many DB rules did I break?

Journal Yesterday:
Got ready, exercised more and showered. We both went to work at the same time. Had a pleasant and a very productive day. Over heard her convo with a coworker about a restaurant she went to with a female friend, name mention. I felt like she was telling me her whereabouts without talking about it with me. I didnt think much of it and contd my work. She left at her time and mentioned she had to take S9 for movies. I came home from work while they were at the movies, changed clothes and tool my GAL vehicle and went for a weekly scheduled drink with a friend. When I came home S9 was asleep and she had left after dropping him home. She had put him in MBR, so I knew she wasnt coming home till morn. But it didnt feel as bad as last occasions. Read some DB forums and went to sleep. I'm up in the morning, posting it from the WR, heard her coming in. Anniversary today, will treat it just like another day. Will have a great day at work.

The connection with OM seems a lot more emotional than I originally thought it to be, and I am learning to not think much about it. In the convo two days ago I almost believed her for a day about their just friends R. Then I read the rules again and found the light. Not gonna worry too much about it. Picking up the DR book today and gonna find a nice place to hide it. I had a small talk with a younger co worker about how old she was when her parents got D. She said 9 and i asked if it was very difficult, she said because she was so young it wasnt as hard as it would be if she was older. Then she asked I was thinking abt D with my W. I said no. My question to you guys is, because my W and I work at the same place, if the co-worker ever mentions that small convo to my W, would that be pushing indirectly.