Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers What should I be doing now? (Filing for D soon)

At first I agreed to her staying at FD and going NC as long as she didn't talk to him outside of "job requirements" and she told me whenever she spoke to or saw him (they aren't always there together). She wasn't telling me whenever she saw him and I found out they were still talking outside of FD which is when I ended it.

Everything else in the history is spot on... But I still don't think I want her back, regardless of what she did at this point. I'll never know for sure unless she did/offered to do those things, but if she text me right now and just said do you want to get back together, I would say no.

Hmm, Coconut, quite a big difference in tone between the post about the texts and your responses to me...in fact, I had to scroll up and check you wrote both of them because at first I thought it was two different people.

Are you torn between head and heart here? Between love and fear or pride? From the outside it really seems as if the two of you have a shot here, but you've both been filing in the silence with a lot of assumptions. Maybe there are ways for you both to get what you need?

Not even going to get into the idiocy of divorcing in case you win the lottery and she gets half!

Coconut,

I think Treasur might be onto something. Yep. I'll be a doo-doo head and point out which forum you keep coming back to. This ain't about poontang, it's about love. Coconut's still got it goin' on.

ok, I can see the general consensus is that my post (which cover just about every interaction with her and my thoughts) indicate that I'm not ready. I won't be in FL for 2 months (and I can't file until then) so I will mentally step back and see how I feel.

I reached out to her today, and I forgot but about a month ago I also reached out and told her I was thinking about her and wondered how she's doing (she responded "definitely not happy, just trying to figure things out").

I am not in a place that I want to try and force open a door if she's got it locked, but I've at least shown her that I'm open for discussions.

I still don't want to try and get back together, but I will bow down to the wisdom being provided and try to keep an open mind and see what happens..

Yippy Coconut! A BIG doodler hug for you. (And, I'm not humping; I haven't had lunch and I've got the shakes.)

[quote=Coconut]ok, I can see the general consensus is that my post (which cover just about every interaction with her and my thoughts) indicate that I'm not ready. I won't be in FL for 2 months (and I can't file until then) so I will mentally step back and see how I feel.

I reached out to her today, and I forgot but about a month ago I also reached out and told her I was thinking about her and wondered how she's doing (she responded "definitely not happy, just trying to figure things out").

Well this is news to me. And you did not see this as her accepting your invitation to talk? Because that is what it screams out to me.

I am not in a place that I want to try and force open a door if she's got it locked, but I've at least shown her that I'm open for discussions.

yes you reached out to open a dialogue and she said yes...the ball was in your court.

Was the next message she got from you, about the kid's remark and a divorce?

Maybe I just think differently about communication than everyone else, which certainly could be the case. I posted her response in previous posts, after saying "just trying to figure things out" she went into two long posts about son, and that she would like to talk about him. I agreed and she said she would call in a "little bit" and there was nothing for 5 days.

If she was open to talking about R, I would have expected something like "how are you?", not a closed statement like just trying to figure things out.

I wish there was an edit button, but I went back through all my texts with her from Jan through now, not a single text from her about me, only about son, taxes and a joint acct that she was asking me to close.

The only text to show she thought about me at all was a field trip form that he had to fill out and he put his biological fathers first name, then scratched it out and put my name as father, she wanted me to know he did that.

As for the text I sent her asking how she was:

Me - I've been thinking about you a lot, maybe because son is coming to visit me, I'm not sure, but are you ok? Are you happy?

WW - Thank you. No, I'm not at all but I'm just trying to figure it all out.

ww - (a bunch of stuff about sons medical condition) I would like you to try talking to him when he's up there but I need to fill you in on everything she said first.

me - ok, just let me know when you want to talk

ww - ok, i'll call you in a little bit if you have some time?

me - yeah that's fine.

I then kinda hung around my phone for the next 5 hours and she never called until a week later.

Coconut,

Maybe you could ask her if there was a good time for you to call her instead of waiting on her to call you.

a couple of hours later I followed up to the previous texts (quoted):
me - For what it's worth, I never told any of my family how to treat you, including sister, except I did tell them I would prefer they not support FD by going to your graduation.

me - I called sister and told her I was going to unfriend her because I kept seeing you on her posts and it was setting me back, she told me not to and she would unfriend you, I never checked to see if she did and I didn't know she said that to you.

ww - She did unfriend me & then felt bad because she knew that I wouldn't be able to see any of her posts about the girls so she asked me to stop liking and/or commenting on her posts or she would have to unfriend me.

ww - Your mom & sister are the only ones who are currently communicating with me.

me - I understand how that would hurt your feelings, but other than when I first told everyone about the sitch (and I told them they can have their own relationship with you, and to consider my son in how they handled it) I don't talk about you with anyone but my mom. I know you think cousin and I were colluding (you mentioned it once), but I never talked about you with him after I told everyone else and could talk to mom, and I only talked to sister that once, and that was just cause it was really affecting me.

me - I guess what I'm trying to say was I turned my hurt into anger, but I only lashed out about you to you, I didn't try and get anyone else to hate you. But I was really mean to you, somehow I felt if I could make you hurt it would make me feel better, but it didn't. Best thing that ever happened was my mom talking me down off that ledge, because only then was I able to start to forgive and drop the anger.