Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Boston Dad Need of Help Part 2

Acc,

To your point about my W fearing my temper. I think that is accurate, but during this whole ordeal, I've been very civil and calm. So, she can't claim that I've been "angry" at her for wanting to D me. I'm very sad, but not angry. She's at the point where everything I say is taken way out of context and proportion.

Question for you all. Since D is a significant life event, does it deserve a final parting words with the W when it's all said and done. Wouldn't it be appropriate to say something like: "Well, I'm sorry it didn't work out." "I hope you find the happiness you're looking for." "Let me know if you need anything". I'm just thinking ahead as I still haven't been served yet.

Teppo,

Seriously? Your'e thinking way to ahead of yourself. You have 6-12 months to worry about it. Also, what you may want to say today will probably be different by the time it is over.

Whatever you do don't say something like "I'll always be here for you".

OK, LH19,

It's sad that words and phrases that we once said to our Ws without hesitation are all of a sudden toxic or wrong.

Teppo,

LH19 is right. Also, you should keep in mind that being served or going through the actual divorce proceedings are just the legal events. It's the emotional bond that's important, and like LH19 said, you'll feel differently at some other point in time.

I was divorced at the end of September, 2016, and I still harbor a lot of anger about what my XW did to the family, but at the same time, I don't want any harm to come to her. We had many good years together and I'm thankful for that.

If those words will give you closure then by all means fire away.

Teppo.....my only advice would be to take your S into consideration knowing that you and your W are going to be heavily involved with each other for the next 20 yrs or so.

I have 2 daughters that are 8 and 6.......I do not want them to feel awkward around me or my W no matter what issues we have with each other. My parents got D'd when I was in kindergarten and they both did not speak well about the other person. It effected me as I got older in life because I always tried to keep the peace and avoided situations where they would be in the same room.

For closure of the M I said those exact words to my XW the last time she left "our" house. Then she started talking about us still being there for each other due to the kids bla bla bla, then I just turned around and walked back inside...

Btrow,

Are you saying that you turned around and walked back into your house as your XW was talking about being there for each other due to the kids?

Teppo,

Yes. The kids were not the point of that coversation. I had actually rehearsed what I wanted to say. Was in tears when rehearsing (ohhh BTW it was on the 25. December, my first ever christmas without the kids since they were born, bad day to rehearse deep stuff). I wanted that talk to be the end of our marriage relationship. The end of me and her. Some sort of thanks for 20 goodish years. Had nothing to do with the kids. (And it was months before I found this website so had no idea what a WW was back then, I probably had hoped for some sort of reaction, idk...). When she ruined that moment for me, I just thought, what the heck, screw her...

Off course we still have kids together and always will. But I'm not there for her. I'm there for the kids.