Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Regaing Respect of the WS?

Sandi2,

Your right about her wanting to live in a fantasy. Found a text fro W to OM abiut leaving the MR to pursue a fantasy him. And your right, nothing get a accomplished when I bring up OM. Truth is the only time we argue is when it involves his name.

For the record when I say most of the time, it's not as if I am thinking about this guy all the time. I mean when are arguments about OM come up, I always ask what's so important about him? But your right there as well. And this guy is a serious step down, which confuses the hell out of me. As for the clues of knowing when she has been communicating with OM. I habe no intent on ever bringing it up to her. But it's just some things and disrespectful behaviors I picked up from her.

As for looking for OM2. When I first found out about the A. Found a message W sent to a friends of hers. That if things didn't work out with OM. That she was probably just going to get an OM2. That is when she started contacting this friends she hasn't spoken to in a while. Which was a day after OM kicked her to the curb the the first time when his W found out. Potential OM2 is in the friendzone, but I know he's constantly trying to be out of the friends positions. Tempted to call his W.

I believe that I am aware the dropping the rope technique. But other than giving up on her what other methods are at my disposal? Do I expose the A to friends and family?

Also I have question in regards to the sexual behaviors of WW. If this is too personal, then no need to respond. But do WW imagine being with OM when having sex with their H? Also OM and potential OM2 are fat and out of shape. Physically I would assume that W would want to step up there?

"Physically I would assume that W would want to step up there?"

Not necessarily. If she felt unattractive, undesired and whatnot she may just love the fact that while her H doesn't care about her that someone else does.

Tobias,

You might be right there. W has gained quite a bit of weight over the years. And she had self esteem issues in the past. She may feel that these lowlifes are as good as it gets.

I'm gonna share something extremely personal here, but since we're all friends (and usernames are anonymus) I'll do it.

My XW had an extreme case of hemorrhoids. So bad that I had not seen her naked in maybe 5 years when having sex (always lights out). She was terrified of having it removed and would not let me se her naked even though I told her that I'd be ok..

Also she always showered before sex. Always. The last two times we had sex (4 and 5 days before I think she got physical with OM after a party at work) she just got up (without having showered) and sat on me with panties on and just pulled them aside. Very unusual. She was also very concerned of her scent. She asked be on both occasions how she smelled....

Do you see where I'm getting at here? It seems as if she rehearsed with me on how to have sex with OM without him seing her "problem". At least, so I think...

Im conclusion, yes I do believe some of them think about OM when doing you. And yes, thinking back, that make me want to throw up.

I agree with sandi2 in that you shouldn't confront her with any evidence at least not adfter its been brought out initially. I would keep compiling it though as it will be useful if you have to file for divorce or even call her out to her friends/family if that hasn't already been done. Personally, if my wife had an affair, that would be one of the few reasons i would file. That would start the process to show you are serious. you can always retract if things take a turn for the better.

Btrow,

Wow...I have no idea on what to think about that. One would assume that if your W had issues with you seeing her naked. Then why would she expose herself to a stranger. But I guess the actions of WS makes no sense whatsoever.

KGuy,

I already ahead of you. At this point, I'm just collecting all the dirt my W is digging up. While she gets herself deeper and deeper in that hole. And when the time is right, I'm going to push all that dirt on collected down on top of her. With everything I have there is no way she can get away with lying to anyone. Even if she tries to fake remorse the evidence I have will say different.

Tread,
Firstly, it appears she was exercising ways to hide it and secondly, he is a co-worker and they had an EA going on for, I assume, 6 months up to that point, so in her mind I'm sure he was less of a stranger to her, than I was..

Btrow,

You make a good point there. My W hooked up with her sisters cousin after knowing him maybe 24 hours. The funny thing is that my W was a virgin when I met her. And she spent years bragging about only being with the man she ended up marrying. The thought of people sleeping around disgusted her. Now she's out there having an A in the most dysfunctional of situations. And this guy is married as well. My W apparently had to get a bit of alcohol in her to help her sleep with this guy initially. Cheating after the first time came easily after that.

That sounds like a woman who is in great distress and is making choices that no matter how dumb and irrational they may appear shows she needs to seek out professional help. Especially if her behavior seems radically different. Now the problem is we cannot help them. They have to take that step.

Imagine having one end of a rope tied around your W, and you have the other end of the rope in your hands. She is trying her best to get away from you and do any wayward thing she pleases. You are trying to stop her, and have a death grip on your end of that rope, and you are pulling back as hard as you can. Now, just imagine the scene if you suddenly let go and dropped the rope. Remembering some old Tug of War games, I think she would stumble, maybe even fall down...... if the tension was immediately gone. Then she is going to look back at you to see what happened. What will she see when she looks back? Will she see that the rope of control has been dropped? Will she see you walking away from her, enjoying your life without her.......or will she see you trying to pick up the rope again?

Most LBH's are trying to pull tighter on their control to make the WW do what he wants her. She is rebelling and doesn't want to do what the H wants, so she puts her energy into pulling away. If he will let go of the rope, he lets go of the struggle. Letting go of the rope means she can do whatever she wants without him trying to control her. He places his focus on him and his kids, and he seriously GAL that does not include her. He no longer shows anger and pain she's caused, b/c he is detached. He no longer invests his time and energy in her, and/or her drama. This is dropping the rope.