Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers ILYBINILWY - OW - what to do next 2

SJW,

I get it. Its always toughest when the WS flaunts it in your face. You have every right to be upset. Just don't allow your H to see it. Its hard to avoid social media when a friend puts in your face to show you what WS is up to.

Do you really want him back in your life at this point?

His behavior is ridiculous.

You are obviously an intelligent women so why you are giving any of your time and energy to this guy at the minute is beyond me.

You need to place your past memories of him in a mental box and keep it separate that from the reality of him now.

I understand your past, I am not trying to be disrespectful but he isnt even trying to keep it quiet.

If he wasn't your husband and you were watching him treat a friend of yours this way.. I have a good idea what your advice to her would be.

Morning Benni

This is not my H. I have no idea who this person is so yes you're right I need to detach. I do need to speak to him about Instagram though as I do not want my children finding out through playground gossip and that is now a possibility. Off on the school run let's hope nobody else has seen it.

I spoke to H after the school run where sure enough it was mentioned by another Mum to my friend. I was very calm and civilised and simply said I was slightly concerned about the kids finding out from playground gossip rather than from him. He started to try and pull me in but I resisted and said this is not about me this is about our kids and how they shouldn't find out about your A. He said he 'thinks' he's ready to tell them so told him we need to have a conversation about that before he speaks to them which he agreed with. I then said so can you keep a lid on it until please, he said yes so I thanked him and said goodbye before he could say anymore.

On the plus side I have finally agreed my settlement with work and so now have some breathing space financially and I can't believe what a massive weight that has lifted off me. I don't think I had fully realised just how much that was puling me down. I couldn't identify which was affecting me more so kept swinging between the two and I think that may have been why I've been in such a spin this week. It was also very amicable in the end my boss hugged me apologised and said he would do anything he could to help me in the future.

Now I can really focus on me and the kids and what we do next.

One down.. one to go!

Thanks Benni, smiling for the first time in days. x

H picked DO up from school and I made dinner for her and something for S and H for later. Told him I was going out around 5.30 and he said DO thinks your staying at Friends with her, I said yes I am but going out with some other friends for dinner first I'll be back there later after the kids school disco, friend will pick DO up from disco if you're OK to drop off. H asked about work but said I know it's none of my business I said it wasn't but it was sorted and I was happy with the outcome he then asked how much I got I didn't reply and he dropped it.

H text about 9pm asking if I got back to friends where I was staying OK I replied about half an hour later and said yes just was S in bed. He said yes and asked if I'd had a good time, I was chatting and didn't see the text till later so didn't reply. He wants to be friends to make himself feel better and I don't, I don't like who he is now and wouldn't choose him as a friend is this wrong should I be friendly with him and tell him stuff, answer his questions more openly?

Since sorting the work thing yesterday I feel so much stronger and whilst the sitch with my H is still bothering me slightly it doesn't feel as desperate as it has up till now and I slept really well last night. Me and my friend were discussing my future career prospects and had a great evening helping DO and her S building lego :-)

SJW, you are handling yourself very well, you do not owe him any information on your life, keep it up.

H got angry about money yesterday and I am really concerned about his mental state. He actually said to me I need to help OW move out????????? I told him I'm sorry I am not being vindictive, we agreed the finances prior to him getting paid and it is impossible to sort everything overnight but I am doing my best to get it sorted by the end of this month. He looks broken and said he is so stressed out and has nobody to talk to other than me?? Apart from the obvious see a solicitor and protect my assets what do I do?? Do I offer to be listen to what he wants to talk about even if it is about OW, I won't be able to give advice as he will think anything I say is biased because of our R but this person is not my H and I know that. Maybe if he actually says the words he may start to actually question it himself?

Morning SJ,

If I'm right would you be supporting the A? Helping the OW move out? Obviously I would not advise you do that, they have both got themselves into this thing and left devastation behind them just for you to go and help them live their fantasy!

Validation can be helpful but for me a boundary would be NOT to discuss anything about the A or your M unless reconciliation is on the cards. By all means talk ina way that shows you are invested in him wanting to be part of the kids lives and your life in general but to talk about the AP/LO I feel is a no no.
For me in my situation it allows me to show my WW that she is making a mistake by showing her I've moved on and making a new life for myself whilst improving ME.

You have no responsibility to your H any more just concentrate on you and your kids. Look after you financies and don't let him bully you. Your doing well keep it up.

Mark.