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^^^Exactly^^^ Sometimes friends need to be told to back off of that stuff. They love gossip and drama, but they don't realize how much harm it's doing to you.

Hi SJ

We need to remember that at this moment our WS heads are full of chemicals where logic doesn't exist! They are TOTALLY focuses on the LO and nothing else matters, what can you do? We can't control these people BUT we can control ourselves, I'm not on FB at all I have confided in people who I know will support and don't really rely on my family too close and will give you unbiased support.

All I can say is I put the fences up and concentrate on the boys and me and like you most of the time am refereeing. I know how hard this is I saw my WW kissing her AP/LO goodbye when I was driving back to my "home" and can't get that picture out of my head.

Just remember they are on an all time high BUT where can this go - downwards you on the other hand is on an all time low BUT where can this go - only upwards so chin up and get out there and have fun with both your D and S. They will appreciate your support as you show them what a parent is meant to behave like.

Keep those spirits up.

Mark.

They are very close mutual friends who are also hurt by his actions they are asking me if they can speak to him and I have said ultimately that is up to them about their R with him. I don't want to hear about it or discuss it and they respect that. The kids caught me crying last night but my friends daughter died in the week so I said that was why, normally they would want to stay at my friends on a Friday night but they both insisted on coming home with me.

This morning I just feel sad for them. I know what he is doing and I know why and that person doing those things is not my H and that is how I have to separate it. You're right Mark only down for them and only up for us my heart is just so heavy.

I'm sitting in the garden and there is so much that needs doing but it's too heavy for me plus I've got loads of washing and housework to do but I just want to get out with the kids and have some fun with them. Trouble is one juts wants to go to her friends and S is in his room playing FIFA and doesn't want to go anywhere. Might see if I can a couple of friends here for them to play with and then I can get on and they can enjoy themselves. Two birds, one stone and all that.

I have to stay on FB for my family as they are so far away and that's how we keep each other updated on the day to day stuff. I have come of all other social media and I changed the settings on his phone so I can't see when he's online and I made him change his Icloud password so I couldn't track him and torture myself. I set his bank account up so I can't see what and where he is spending money and I just hope that he doesn't use the joint account again, I need to get that card off him.

The mornings are always worse it's like you wake up and remember and it hits you for the first time again.

Really trying to keep my spirits up

I agree with Kaizen,

A complete disconnection mentally from him is needed.

Easier said than done, but all of your down moments revolve around him and his whereabouts/actions.

Things arent the same, so you cant continue to think the same. Your life, your mind, your feelings. Honour those and the rest will fall into place. You can do this easily!

Had a great weekend with the kids. Did I think about H, yes, did it define my weekend, no!

Good to hear!!!

H called last night and I missed the call as we were playing in the garden. He then text asking if I was around which I didn't see until I was getting DO in the shower, I text and said, sorry didn't hear my phone just getting DO in shower. He replied to say let him know when she was done and he would call. I did and he called and spoke to DO then S, DO wasn't really interested as she was playing and S told him about his cricket match (H didn't know he had been selected as we hadn't heard from him since last Thursday. S told him about his new bike and that we had been to see my friends new puppy. The line wasn't very good and S got bored and passed the phone to me. H asked how I was I said fine all very up beat how was he. H apologised for not calling but said 'he didn't think it was right' I just said no problem again very up beat. He then started to say something about football tonight but the line was really bad so I said I would speak to him later/tomorrow (today). He was also drunk when he called only 7.30pm.

He told DO last week that he would be back on Monday and this is now my dilemma how do I handle this? He would normally take them to football, bring them home and stay here and take them to school on Tuesday morning as he starts late on a Tuesday. This is all pre BD when I was also working so wouldn't be home until late if at all on a Monday. Remember the kids don't know about my job or that H has left so I don't know how to play it? I told DO this morning because she asked that I may not be back until after she goes to bed tonight but I don't want to see him and he id definitely not staying in the house. I could go to a friends and come back late evening after they are in bed or I could get a friend to take over and he tells the kids he has to go back to work?? Do I initiate the contact with H regarding this or wait for him to approach me?

Or should I see him and let him see me upbeat and confident? He'll want to talk and I'm not sure if I can stop him drawing me in?

Stay and let him see you upbeat.

You need to envisage the meeting going well (for you) and ending with you in the best position possible. Confident and not 'needy'.

If you are focused on that goal then you will be fine. The only time it sways from this is if your heart takes over and you start to think about the relationship again.

Then you become disappointed when certain things arent said or there is a 'cold' comment etc..

It is not your job to think about that anymore.

Thats up to him.

Let the tables turn naturally on their own.

I know you're right Benni and I think I can do it. My only concern is that with the kids around it will be all talk about our great weekend and acting like it was OK that he wasn't there. That makes me feel like I'm telling him it was OK to be off with OW and not with his kids if that makes sense? Like I'm showing by my actions that it's OK for him to do what he's doing but I don't know how it can not come across like this when we did have a great weekend? I know this sounds like I'm analysing but I'm not I'm just confused about the message I'm giving off.