Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Count on ups and downs (III)

I have so many things to say. For now want peace. A good sleep.

Thank you all. Good night.

No peace and sleep for me What can I say/do to change what is going on? help help help

I didn't mention. I wanted to check somerhing on the computer and realised she had been on dating sites and checking lingerie and looking at exercises for better sex. I couldn't believe it. OM and now this. I feel awful. I wouldn't imagine.

She is different. She us lost and blaking me.

Help :-(

I have decided to write down what further changes I can do for myself that could have a positive impact to myself and my marriage.

I know I achieved the following. I use basically notes on my phone to keep expectations on target. A "To Do" list had helped me go through depression in the past.

- Do more chores in the house
- Keep track of what I need to do with date/time
- Spend quality time with my kids
- Listen and act on what my W asks
- Put W and kids above all issues
- Put a brake on career ambitions
- Avoid spending personal time for business
- Merge the need for family matter even if there is business forces

The first new one:

- Spend less time on phone esp. when idle. Engage on more fun activities.

Will

Putting your W first is admirable in a M but not now in your situation.

Your W had a EA at least, is on dating sites, looking how to have better sex and is kicking you out of your home. First and foremost you cannot connect with her now. It is impossible. She is not receptive. Secondly you should not even want to be with someone whilst they treat you this way. Truly work on your self image as a priority.

You cannot nice her back.

You have been here a long time. Reread the advice you have gotten.

You are stuck and will remain stuck until you do something about it. I like your last post. Keep going.

There is no magic wand that will turn this around. Stop looking for one. Forget about your W and changing her mind. Build a more fulfilling life for you and when that is achieved revisit what to do about W.

I am sorry you are going through this but the only way past this is to go through it. Start moving forward.

Thank you. I feel I can talk about it.

Next change I am thinking about would need to be delay.

- Start a new job

I have a first interview but not sure to line up because too many
life changes aren't good. This company is tolerting me being caring for the kids.

Change what needs to change. Don't set limits or procastinate.

Decide
Set action points
Take action steps
Achieve
review
Repeat

Achievement of a goal is not the finish line but a new starting point.

Noted.

While change of job will create opportunity, with my current mindset I would not be able to perform. I do have resentments but things that can happen anywhere.

New change:
- Eat slower and mindfully
- Be less indecisive and say out loud your thought process

Count on ups and downs (IV)