Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers A WW? (8)

Well, W has signed her lease. I'll do the same early next week. It appears she did it 2 weeks ago, after she'd told me she hadn't yet. Is what it is.

I know bc I saw the security deposit and rent checks clear and that was the dates on them. Sent w a text from the gym this morning asking when she planned to move out. She said sometime after the 17th. Unsure why she'd pay all of June's rent. Kind of irks me she's just waste that money.

As part of that text I told W we need to sit down on Saturday to talk about how we will tell D on Sunday. W just said "ok". I don't know how D will take it. W thinks she'll be so happy that we are splitting. I think otherwise. All I know is I'll drive the conversation and I'll be there for D to lean on if she needs to. I feel bad for the kid. I wish I could save her this hurt. But she'll need the next few weeks to understand and process this prior to us splitting. Bleh

At this point I'm very tired of Ws antics. To be honest, she's acting like a spoiled brat. It's very possible I enabled this. Live and learn I guess and be better next go around. I'm waiting for the clock to tick down and hoping that when it hits 0 the stress will be lifted. I feel like I've been through a pressure cooker this past year. I need some time away from all of his to rest and recharge everything about me. Feeling stronger now than I did a year ago. Feeling more confident and happy in myself. It feels like the time for this, even if my heart is screaming no.

W apparently has started to split up the small stuff already. Came home to a bunch of crap piled in my closet and no dialogue from my W. w asked me yesterday to take care of some things next week so she could go out of town to finalize her dad's estate. I gladly told her yes, knowing it was the right thing to do. Up until the split, I'll continue to be the H I want to be. After the split I guess we move more to acquaintances who both have a vested interest in D.

So that's where things stand. The house sale closes at the end of the month. W is already technically a renter. All that's left is to move our stuff and move forward with my life. I'm looking forward to what's ahead, but know there will be bumps in the road as we finish up this marathon.

Told D about S just now. Fairly neutral conversation and W and I took turns addressing it. W left the part to me of telling D that we were S. I'm ok with that. I told her last night that I wanted to be the one to tell her and W had an issue with it then. Guess that changed bt then and now.

W told D that we wanted to talk to her about where we are moving. Then W looked at me to tell her the rest. So I told D that mommy and I would be moving to two separate places when we move. That we would each have our own apartment and D would have a home at both of them. I told her that she would split her time between both places with each of us. And she'd have her own room and stuff at each. I told her we both love her very much. Then w talked about how it would happen after school is out. We asked if d had any questions or if she had anything she wanted to talk about. D said no and hat was it.

D hugged her stuffed animal the whole time. She squirmed around a lot. She put her face in the couch cushions a lot too. I feel horrible. Once it was done, D went to play iPad for a bit and I got up, went upstairs and took a few minutes to make sure I was ok. Cried a little, but stopped and went back downstairs. Did lunch with w and d and in a few I'm taking D to the pool for the afternoon.

So, I guess now we are done. W has fully executed her exit plan. I didn't want this, but now we've told D and i think that's does it. I'd promised I wouldn't tell people until D was told, so now I guess I'll tell those who are closest to me. I'm looking forward to time with D at our new home. I'm looking forward to a great future for both D and I. A few more weeks of this and life will be different. An awesome type of different though. W has her freedom and can go her own way. Once we physically split I'm done. I did a year of this. Put my soul into it. Wasn't enough, but I'm ok with that. I'm happy with who I am, as a father and a man. The stress will be lifted and things will be awesome again!

The hardest thing to grasp is the dropping the rope and how it may draw the WS back better than any other action. Get outside your head and look at what you did when your W dropped the rope on you. You spent a year working to get it back in her hands. This also works the other way. When you drop the rope, and I mean drop it completely, you may see some of the same on her part. I don't mean to give you any unnecessary hope but don't be surprised either.

I know all of this is very difficult but I very much agree with what moving forward just posted. In fact I was going to tell you that this is not at all yet over and may be just starting. I say that because it's about to get very real for your W. How you handle things moving forward will mean a lot.

Have you done anything with getting a separation agreement in place? I hope you are not going to pay for Ws new apartment. You really need her to expierence being on her own. Do not try to race to help her. Don't invite her to things, don't do all the things she has been saying she doesn't want done. Don't be mean or nasty either. Whatever is fair as dictated by the courts is all you need to do. W needs to see what life is like after she fires her H.

Keep posting here and keep doing everything you have with D. After reality sinks in, W might start to see you are not the monster she created you to be.

LT

Even. Though the outcome [censored] and isn't what you wanted, you've done great. You've been strong, you've grown, you've made yourself an awesome dad, and have a great relationship with your daughter. Carry on doing this. Sometimes there is. I way home for our W's. I've come to realise that despite the lies and gaslighting, the people they really lie to and gaslight are themselves.

Hold onto the good, let go of the bad, find your peace.

Just gave my W a S agreement I'd asked the L to put together. She acknowledged it, said it looked fair, and said that she'd have her L look it over.

To be honest, I'd thought it would feel like a weight was lifted after it was done. Doesn't really feel that way right now. Fairly depressing actually. I know there's still some part of me that hopes this won't make it to the finish line. She's made her choice though, and I've made mine that if she is going to physically split with me, we need a framework in place for custody and finances. I can't stop her, but I can make sure D and I are protected from this.

Bleh...just bleh...

will respond to everyone in a bit

Thanks MV. At this point I think I'm done when my W steps out the door and starts living in her apartment full time. I find myself questioning why I'd want to be with someone, who with the most minimal amount of effort, could have helped me salvage this thing. Add to that the fact that she seems to be quickly working to get herself into peak physical shape (the same thing she did before she went to see OM last 4th of july) and I find myself horribly turned off to the idea of R now. It could be anger on my part, or it could just be a more realistic view than I've had the past year. I don't know, but I'm quite content with building an awesome life for D and I in our new home in the next couple weeks.



Don, yeah, I will continue to post as things change. I've continued to be nice to my W since she told me we were splitting. Not tripping over myself to help her, but doing things that a H would do. I've told myself that i'll do that up until we physically split, then it really all becomes about my D10 at that point. W has been nothing but cold and off put by whatever I do. But it doesn't make me happy to be mean to her, it makes me happy to be a decent person. So that's how I'm handling myself right now. I believe the S agreement I've given her to be fair. We will see what her feedback is, hopefully shortly. I view us needing this in place as I view the physical split as necessitating a financial split as well. She will completely have the freedom she's been desiring this past year. She won't have me around to "stress" her out. I hope she finds peace and happiness, but I'm not sure that's possible until she addresses her own anxiety and anger issues. Regardless, i'll be out of the picture, which hopefully will help her.

I don't have ill will towards her. This is a woman I loved for 12 years and to be honest, I still do. If her happiness is elsewhere, I hope she finds it and lives a content and awesome life. Do I have some anger towards her right now about breaking up our family? of course I do. but I know that will pass as my D and I progress in our new lives. I look forward to starting off on this new journey with my D and I know that it will be an awesome one!

Woke, you are right my friend. She is fooling herself and scapegoating me for her faults. I'm an easy target, as I had some large ones myself that helped get us here. But you are 100% spot on, "Hold onto the good, let go of the bad, find your peace". Love it!

Quick update. Things have been slowly disappearing from our house the past week or so. Weird seeing our life taken apart brick by brick but I'm ok w/ it now. W got angry bc I started moving my stuff down to the dining room (which is completely empty) to stage it for moving it to my apartment this upcoming weekend. I just looked at her and said "I don't have time during the week to do this, so I'm trying to save time for next weekend." She continues to have trouble controlling her anxiety issues, even as this thing winds down.

She had D over to her apartment Friday and sunday to check it out. I get my apartment this Saturday. Ordered some furniture to put in there and that comes Sat morning. Cable turned on on sunday. still don't have a date for when W will move out, but my place will be ready when she does choose to go. S agreement is in her hands and I await her feedback on it. Would like to have it finalized by the time we close on the house at the end of june. She'll have her freedom to do as she pleases. I will only be in her life w/ regards to my D. Eager to push forward now and put the past year behind me. Thanks to all of you for the support as always!

One thing that helped my D a lot was having write-on calendars that she could keep at both places to keep the schedule straight and mark what days she was going where. May be something you/she may want to look into.

Awesome!!! Love this idea. Thank you Kaizen!

It's all becoming very real now. Guess I can see the finish line. I get the keys to my new place on Friday. Did my change of address stuff w/ USPS, as well as a few other housekeeping things.

It'll be interesting to be in the new apartment and have the silence of the place. Almost seems like it'd be a big stress reliever after the past year. Waiting on W to tell me when her move out date will be, but she's pretty much gotten all of her stuff to her apartment over the past couple weeks. So besides some large stuff she's practically moved out.

Taking D to a concert out of town this weekend. She's super excited about it and it's a roadtrip for just her and me. Can't wait to build a new life with new adventures for the two of us!