Hi Dale, welcome to our community. I'm so sorry you are facing this ordeal. The more you post and tell us about the relationship, the more replies you will receive.
Quote:
I'm debating if I've had enough now to even try.
If your W has moved in with another man, I recommend you use the last resort technique. Don't be afraid of it.
Do you spend time with guy friends? I recommend you try things that will build healthy self-esteem. It is important to feel confident about yourself, your core beliefs, and what you will not tolerate.
You may need to do some serious self evaluation and decide what needs improving in your life as an individual. Seriously seek out the sources that will give you strength, encouragement, peace, and support. Get out of the house and find things to do that you really enjoy. Maybe even get out of your comfort zone a bit and try something new.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thank you for your wisdom. I appreciate you being straight forward and considerate at the same time. I was on another site's message board before this one and the responses were absurd. Answers ranged from calling me curse words to divorce her. That's it, nothing constructive. I will participate in the final resort technique before I call it quits, if that doesn't work, I can walk away saying I did every last thing in my power.
M 1.5 years, her affair was before 1 year T 7 Years
I recently posted my story and was given some great tips. Physically, I'm back. Mentally, not so much. Getting back in the swing of things. My biggest problem, besides the affair itself, is that I cant get the images of my wife sleeping with that guy and searching for new info. I was in her amazon account and they have ordered some bedroom things. This has consumed my mind.
I have always been athletic but haven't played sports since college baseball in 2010. With that being said, I'm a huge fan of mixed martial arts and have signed up for kick boxing. So I am trying to get totally out of my element and do things that I've never done. Going back to original paragraph, I'm a CPA so I'm in front of a computer almost 100% of my work day. The images consume me and all it seems I do is just try to get new info on social media. I'm like a drug addict. Any tips on removing myself from that? Its become a huge problem.
M 1.5 years, her affair was before 1 year T 7 Years
I recently posted my story and was given some great tips. Physically, I'm back. Mentally, not so much. Getting back in the swing of things. My biggest problem, besides the affair itself, is that I cant get the images of my wife sleeping with that guy and searching for new info. I was in her amazon account and they have ordered some bedroom things. This has consumed my mind.
I have always been athletic but haven't played sports since college baseball in 2010. With that being said, I'm a huge fan of mixed martial arts and have signed up for kick boxing. So I am trying to get totally out of my element and do things that I've never done. Going back to original paragraph, I'm a CPA so I'm in front of a computer almost 100% of my work day. The images consume me and all it seems I do is just try to get new info on social media. I'm like a drug addict. Any tips on removing myself from that? Its become a huge problem.
Tell yourself you are the "director of the movie" in your head and yell "CUT!"
For me, meditation and turning it over to God, trusting that I will be fine, helps as do replacing those images with a mantra of "good riddance to lunacy" IF that applies.
(My h is so over the top on FB about finding the love of his life, after a 35 year marriage, that objectively it's pretty weird to do. And cruel, and clueless, etc)
As h is now, no thanks.
Maybe yourself that not all is GREAT over there. Not all is SPECTACULAR!! The OP cannot "win" at every angle but it takes awhile for their own problems to arise. For every new "exciting" discovery she may make, there are reminders of good things YOU offer and the comfort of the familiar. Songs, places, inside jokes...
Meanwhile you work on yourself in your own sandbox and let her work on hers.
Try turning it over the God or the universe or whatever higher power you have.
I used to think it, say it and hear myself say it. That helped it sink in and calm me down.
Stop the spinning. And there are free apps you can get for meditations that REALLY help more than I expected. One is called "Insight Timer". Just a thought.
Hang in there as it does get better. But for now it's like PTSD. I'd see a therapist if you are not already .
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Thanks 25. Not trying to be graphic but we never used those "bedroom items" so its like, what the hell is going on over there.
You are totally right, I am currently seeing my pastor and therapist. Also you are right in the sense that who knows what their relationship is like, especially since the newness is fading. At end of day, there is zero chance that I can tell them what to do. They will do whatever they want, regardless of my thoughts so I should just leave it be. Easier said than done but its the truth.
Last edited by Cadet; 05/22/1703:37 AM. Reason: Combine posts
M 1.5 years, her affair was before 1 year T 7 Years
