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OwnIt,

I seriously thought about it. For Valentines Day, W says she appreciated what I had done. But yet contacted OM earlier that day who didn't even send $0.99 card. Lesson learned on my part. The only reason I was considering doing something, because my fault in the MR was being neglectful. Even though I always stepped up on birthday's and holidays. I didn't want to appear to be going down the neglectful path again. But I don't want to appear to be pursuing as well. This is my dilemma.

Perhaps then a smaller effort is in order. A text or email one liner and leave it at that. You noted it, but didn't use it as an opportunity to pursue.

Probably will just give a cheap acknowledging the day. And then head out of town to spend the day with my own mother instead for the first time in 17 years. Every year I take my W and MIL to breakfast or dinner. W claims that she wants to be alone, then this would be a small taste of what she would be missing. Not trying to be vindictive, but wouldn't this be considered detaching?

I'm in the same situation... birthday, Mother's Day and anniversary withing 2 weeks of each other. I'm not getting anything, just like she got me nothing for my birthday.

Tread,

In my opinion, if you're thinking about detaching, then you're probably not detaching.

If that was what she is asking for then you would be listening to what she wants and giving her the space she desires. Maybe she will get a taste of reality. Praying for the best for you.

Just got done discussing this with a couple of my buddies. They think W will have an expectation for getting something for Mothers Day and her Birthday. So I should avoid kicking the hornets nest, since everything is going well.

Doodler, not really sure what is detaching and what is considered the cordial thing to do with the woman still sleeping next to you at night? If she had moved out, then this would all be simple. But I have W who is says one thing, but actions say different.

PEW, I was thinking taste of reality as well. At first she wanted space. But now she's emailing invites as work to events she wants us to attend. I haven't hear the word divorce in over a month. And nothing else about her needing space in just as long. I'm basically basing my choices off of old info. That may not be relevant in her mind at this point.

Only you can do what you feel is best for your situation.

I know that were not supposed to spy on our WW. But clearly the level of trust we have for them is somewhat low. So how are we supposed to handle them when we know they're likely planning and plotting behind our backs? Especially financially or in the legal sense.

From a legal perspective, you best obtain all the information you can to protect yourself. That is somewhat different than spying on emails/text messages.