Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives Here I go again on my own...

so Sorry G, but what it does do is reinforce your trust in your instincts...you knew something wasn't adding up and your gut was telling you that for awhile. I also agree with Don, it isn't wrong for him to want what he wants but I urge you not to spend a lot of time trying to figure it all out (hard to do, I know)...it is what it is. He told you...not in the best way but at least he didn't ghost you and now it's done. It hurts for sure and that's why it takes so much courage to get back in the ballgame. There's never a guarantee. Be good to yourself and let your friends love you for now. You will rise again.

The reason why I don't want to get ino an R or until she is much older is because a relationship with the custody arrangement I have simply cannot be cultivated on an every other weekend basis for a year. There is no guy who wants something serious who would be someone's every other weekend. And I cannot spend a year with someone, fall in love with them, introduce them to my child and find out they don't click. It's a crappy spot to be in. I don't have family or help where people can watch her while I date and babysitters these days are an arm and a leg. I do not want to involve her anymore.

I don't think what FF wants is wrong either. But he should have had that sorted out before dating me knowing my exact situation. ANd seemingly enjoying we had with and without D9. He wasn't trying on a light basis at all. A very heavy basis. I think he went with his heart instead of his head initially.

Do I think might try to come back? None ever have, but I have some weird feeling he might. He just kept reiterating how he truly believes if you let go of what you love and it is meant ot be, it will come back. And he said if it is meant to be it will come full circle. And then he says if it's meant to be he prays for clarity and guidance and for the forgiveness for the pain he caused me. And this desire to be friends. He doesn't want me out of his life. But I can't stay on his terms. And if he did come back and said he would rather have me, have us and build with us and possibly another kid, I don't know if I could believe that. And I wouldn't want resentment.

he's been so lost and admittedly angry and frustrated his life isn't looking the way he wants right now with his job sitch and all. I guess it got him thinking and boom.

And yes, since easter this was a possibility in his head and I think the push pull was wondering if he could overcome it. And he came to the decision YESTERDAY he couldn't.

By the way, I forgot how hard going dark was. I know I'll wake up tomorrow morning and see my phone and nothing. And it will break my heart.

I have managed to hold back my tears all morning although I am sick to my stomach.

I walk into work and everyone is standing around my coworker. She got engaged over the weekend. I am truly happy for her, her story is actually quite interesting. She is 42 and ever married. she knows she missed the boat for kids and planned her life without anyone in it. Friends had been wanting to hook her and her fiancé up for quite sometime they both resisted but I eventually happened and they fell in love. She had told me when I first started dating FF that her BF had wanted kids and she felt awful she couldn't give them to him. He told her it didn't matter, he wanted her. She just sold her condo to move in with him and closed on it this weekend and he popped the question.

She was patient and she found the man who knew her worth.

The good thing about this is I can't cry at work, because I could never ever put a damper on what a happy moment this is for her.

I'm holding it together by a strong today. This one is harder than the last. We didn't get to see eachother often. This one became a part of me and my D9's life. Moved to fast, no I am feeling the fall horribly. Going cold turkey is hard.

I've got no words...just a big virtual hug for you.

Ginger,

Sorry. I can lend you my ferret. Ferret kisses make everything better.

Thank you so much WII, I know we feel in in similar ways when we have to let go of someone we love. My gut knew something was up. Actually, he didn't even really know exactly what it was until very recently. While he admits "there are a lot of things that aren't right with me life right now" He pretty much made thought up about this consciously for like 2 days and boom, made the decision.

I feel like it is really time for me to get my pug. I am excited to get my ex's dog next week (well, he was once mine) because I love his cuddles.

I just need to make it through today.

And there's always Plan B...a turtle!

Ginger -
Im sorry for the pain you are going through. It doesnt matter how far into a relationship it is, the feeling of being told you arent 'good enough' stings. Youll get through this, one way or another.

I do want to address your comments above. I cant imagine waiting a year to introduce someone to my kids. If that isnt a fit, then theres no point in even having a relationship with that other person. I dont want to spend a year with someone only to discover that there was never a chance to begin with. On the other hand, three months is kind of a short time for your daughter to be as attached to FF as she was. When I introduced my current partner to my kids, it started out as a once a week type thing for a little while so that they could get acquainted but not too attached. I know to each their own and whats done is done, just some thoughts going forward.

I will also say that I have my kids every single Friday night and every single Saturday night. My ex has them Sundays and the beginning of each week, and I have Saturdays and the end of each week. I dont need to take weekend getaways or have elaborate weekend plans to enjoy time together. I promise the right guy will know where he ranks in your life and be glad that thats where he is...I think anyone that expects you to put them ahead of your kid isnt ready for parenthood to begin with.

I know these next few days or weeks will be tough. Hang in there, G.

Thank you Kaizen. It was only 3 onths but a three months where I guess I made the mistake of allowing him far enough to be a big part of my life. It just felt so good I guess. I let myself feel good. I even felt safe for a while there.

A year is completely unreasonable. I would hate to be in it for a year to find out my kid and partner can't stand eachother. But I just don't know if I can do this again.

I told her yesterday. I picked her up, and yes, her first words were "is FF working? Where is he working today? Is he coming over? how was FF's weekend?" She cried, she was in complete shock, she kept saying "but mommmy, you guys loved eachother so much" She saw our love. I think she was more sad for me than her though. Not too long ago as I was putting her to bed and she said "mommy, I am so happy you are so happy with FF". She also asked that dreaded horrible questions.... "was it my fault?" I said oh no, not at all, it has nothing to do with you, it's all adult problems.

I am worse today than any other day. Maybe because yesterday was our full complete day of non-communication. I can't sleep in my bed, because the last place I saw him was in my bed as I left for work and the kiss goodbye I gave him. There is this awful heaviness in my chest. The no-contact is killing me. My friend thinks its probably killing him too. I don't know.

For now I am trying to keep busy. I really just want to sleep and sleep and sleep. But gym tonight and then to a friends to dinner.

I feel like a fool for believing like he wants to be a part of our family. I learned from on here, and surely my last relationship was to look for actions, not words. The ex-NG had all the words and didn't back up with action. FF showed me all the action for a while there. I told myself it was safe to believe what I was seeing and feeling. WRONG!

he pretty much told me this was a quickly made decision which stinks even more. He's struggling a lot, I know he has been. Of course I was right there for him. But I guess I was really just another one of his issues.

A dear smart friend made a good point. God put a beautiful family right in front of him who cared about him deeply. This family he wants from ground up already had a beautiful foundation built and God said "here ya go, build from here" He is turning away something wonderful. The right guy wouldn't overlook it. I know that.

Thanks for listening to my incessant ramblings these past few days. I am just in shock and pain.

Ginger,

I read your posts yesterday about FF and I didn't respond immediately because I really wanted to think about what I said. First and foremost, I'm SO sorry. Regardless of how long the relationship is, it just plain hurts to feel like you aren't good enough. But, the thing is you ARE good enough. FF is the one who isn't good enough. I know it doesn't seem that way right now since the hurt is so new and so fresh, but I hope, in time, you come to see who you are and what all you have to offer. The RIGHT guy will see all of that and appreciate it.

I have said to you before that I think you and I are very similar and that we approach things the same way, so I do totally understand how you are saying you feel because I would feel the very same way if I were in your shoes.

Hang in there, Ginger. You are a wonderful person and in time, a nice man will appreciate that and hopefully YOU will learn to appreciate it too.