I talked to my Mom the other nite, told her how I wonder about the phone calls and how I can't understand them when things seem to be better between H & I ....her take on it was "he's not going anywhere" and "he's trying to be gentlemanly about it (breaking off w/OW)...don't know if she's right, but I sure hope so.
I gotta get "outside the box" somehow this afternoon and figure out how to do this stuff differently...or maybe not do this stuff for a bit....as Sage says, it can be a lifesaver to learn that you don't have to fix anything right now....maybe it's ok for right now....If indeed they arent seeing each other that's big progress....If they were seeing each other, why would H suddenly have so much less interest in his appearance than what he had when they were?
maybe the fact that he's not "as smoochy" is good...maybe it means we're getting to a more "real" and comfortable place....his pecks and hugs seem genuine, and there's certainly more than there used to be....H seems to be much warmer and more "content" ....I don't know how else to describe it.
I was thinking before work that it feels like I need to be careful to give him some breathing room right now, but it's still hard to figure out how to do that when he complained about my being so disinterested. I'm forcing myself to not be as demonstrative right now, so we'll see what happens.
Any one else's spouse quit using so much "smell-good" stuff when they stopped seeing the OP?
I noticed a bottle of the stinky expensive cologne in my ex-b's laundry bin (which he used partly for laundry or whatever else) along with a few other things from his trip last year to see ex-OW. He never uses anything normally, so I expect the cologne got used for about a week (just about a year ago) and has been sitting around haphazardly since.
I love how HE smells, or with aftershave - he is SO not Eternity for Men!
need somebody to talk some kind of sense into my head! I just found out (via office newsletter) OW's Birthday is May 21....around 2nd week of March, I found an email from OW to H telling him she couldnt take off work on May 21....its' a Friday, a day he's off anyway, so obviously he was asking her to take off with him....I don't think he's ever asked me to take off & be with him on my birthday...ever........I've avoided the place where emails MIGHT be like the plague for the last month, so don't know a thing, but o god!!!!!now what???? what if his "cooling off" towards me is because of plans w/ guilt over plans w/her? I don't know....I do great for a day or so and then it hits like a ton of bricks and I get blown away..... I wondered why he wanted her to take off May 21, thought maybe it was their "anniversary"...!!!!
Our 25th Wedding Anniversary is May 5...I'm so saddened by this sitch at this time. and then her b-day on top of it.
HELP......some body help me get my head on straight!
I have dreaded knowing when her b-day was for some reason, now it seems doubly hard.
i'm not quite sure why this is so hard, I've known something was up on May 21....or at least he invited her to have something up. Then it gets worse, we have our company annual dinner next wednesday, and I just found out OW is signed up to attend. That's her and H and me all in the same room for a couple hours. The day after all-staff meeting where I get to be in the same room with both of them. I think I'm gonna be sick....
dfb, I havent read up on your sitch but see you've been on bb for awhile....did your bf have OW? did it burn out? how long did it take? darn, I get to where I think I'm doing ok and then this all hits like a ton of bricks. H is hoping to find another job, and I sure hope he does as well. I don't know if he hopes so to put distance in w/OW, but I really feel like it would help. I hope we wouldnt have to move, though, I don't know what to think. I need to look back in my threads and see when it was he asked me to take S to religion classes... I think it was after I found the email about her taking off on her b-day. pretty sure it was. ohhhhhhhhhhhhh damn it's hard.....................but I know throwing a fit or getting upset isnt going to help at all..........................................
Then it gets worse, we have our company annual dinner next wednesday, and I just found out OW is signed up to attend. That's her and H and me all in the same room for a couple hours.
Well, go and look beautiful and be confident! Wear something sexy and smell good. Think of it as an opportunity and not as something to dread.
In my sit...ex-b had dated this ex-OW for mere weeks about 5 years ago. She was from overseas and then came to live with him - platonically, she dumped him right away for someone else and pretty much moved onto any guy with legs for the summer (and at least one with a wife). She was there for 4 months. I always felt like she'd come back and try to sink her hooks into him...once she saw that someone else was with him. She did when we first started seeing each other, sending her pics of him in curlers and red hair and such. Ugh.
So in Oct 2002 I got the bomb from ex-b. Then his mom asked me if I thought there was someone else, and I said no - but if there was, it was ex-OW. We continued to live together and talked about working on it - even as late as January of last year. What I didn't know was that ex-OW was coming to visit for 11 days the next month. Guess who ended up cleaning the entire apt. for her? Then I went to stay at a crappy hotel since I didn't find a place to live yet (ex-b had drug his heels on me staying/not staying) and she got to stay there.
He was really nasty to me at points - I don't think he realizes how mean he was. I don't think anything quite happened between them in February, but they must have talked about it between then and May, when he went overseas to visit her. They then were "seeing each other" although he slept with me up until the time he went to see her and two or three times after once he came back. Then he said he couldn't, that lasted through the rest of June and something happened around then. He got back to normal, and last November someone from our group noticed she had posted that she was going to get married this year (to someone else).
She is man-crazy, if nothing else. And not a nice person, she uses people. She has had relationships with at least 2 married men in our group and then like 4 other guys. This isn't a huge group, and she isn't from the states (but the guys are). I had said several times to ex-b that she'd be back (while we were together) and he was like "why, she didn't want me the first time". And I said "because she can". That is the only reason. Not because she cares about him or anyone else, but she uses her accent and her hair and her personality to pull the strings. She learned that she could pull the strings on ex-b again.
I am glad that he's back to normal, at least. I don't think she was the cause of our problems, but it didn't obviously help. I would say that the actual length of time they considered each other as b/f and g/f would have been...maybe 7 or so weeks. Not much more than that, maybe less.
It's been just about a year since he's been overseas. I am glad to have him back, even if he doesn't consider it a R. My time with him has healed a lot of what happened. I'm just not sure he still understands how much he was used.
Maybe I have spent too much time here, but I was with him for over 3 years. Now I've been part of his life for 4 1/2, so it's a pretty long time.
Good luck. Knock everyone out with something sexy at the company dinner!
YEAH, you're absolutely right, dfb, I gotta go and hold my head high and walk tall....hmmmmm....something sexy, I don't know, I'll have to figure something out to wear quickly, but you're right, I should look at it as a chance to show her up, and not be so upset about it. I know what you mean about "because she can", although it is confusing to me, because this gal is not a "looker" in any sense of the word that I can see, which leads me to believe her charms must lie elsewhere, which is not a pleasant thought. I honestly believe that H's main appeal to her is what she sees as status and money, although we are certainly far from affluent in my opinion. S has told me of being with her D when his dad would take him to visit, and of her D flipping through her photo albums of herself (the D) with guys her mom was dating, and the little girl saying "he couldn't provide, so mom broke up with him", "he couldnt get enough money, so mom moved", "he didn't make enough money and so mom had a big fight with him and they broke up" and on and on....made me really sad for a lot of reasons. Poor S wanted to tell his dad all about this, I had to tell him not to, that his dad would not believe it and would just be upset with him...S really thinks his dad's been taken for a ride.
I don't know, I keep hoping things are getting back to normal, and that the calmer approach to me/"things" in general, increased interest in home/kids/family/pets and decrease in "primping" is an indicator of that.
what is the title of your thread, dfb? I know I've "seen you around".
At least your anniversary is several weeks prior to that - hopefully he'll come through in a nice way.