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thanks Sage, I hadnt thought of that....I thought the calls only showed up if they were answered, but maybe not. It's so weird. He's so weird right now in so many ways, I never know what to think.

Grrrrrrrr.....the crazymaker in me still hates the phone calls, and still wonders why the heck he still calls her....why can't he just tell her it's over? and the crazymaker still wonders if he's REALLY not seeing her....I may have to do some posting of the things he's told me....

I guess I need to remind myself that it only seems like I have been at this forever. In acutuality I started DBing just a little over 4 months ago, so it hasnt really been an eternity yet. What was that dirty P-word, Rottzilla?

H is in this office today, in other building where OW is, and I havent had an email from him. I guess I could break down and email him, but maybe doing something different today would be not to email him.......

some body come whack this crazymaker with a 2x6 for me, would you please?

I did do something that got a bad result last night though, and it's confusing because it usually gets a positive result. I whispered a naughty idea in H's ear at supper time, and he reacted negatively....said he wasnt in the mood and wasn't going to do anything and that I was taking something good and making it bad....I stayed calm and said "I was just sharing a thought with you, you don't have to do anything"...and he replied "well good, a guy should get one night off .

I didn't know what to think, other than he wasnt in the mood and felt pressured....It's certainly a role reversal from the old days, and I havent learned yet how to predict when he "is" or "isn't " in the mood....the one web site says to "just do it" and see what happens, but I don't want to stir up negative responses or emotions very often if I can avoid it. sigh....it's hard to know what to do...

Later we climbed through tall grass walking and talked about needing to check for ticks, and I told him I'd planned it on purpose so he'd have to take his clothes off and have me run my hands over his body, and he laughed a little....

So, I don't know, maybe it's a matter of timing...I don't particularly expect him to always be ready to "perform", but I guess I kind of see it as a fun part of life between us anymore, and he's not at that point, obviously, if he feels pressured.
how ironic.....
I don't know, what do I do, back off a little? back off completely for awhile and let him initiate????? One of his BIG complaints around "bomb time" was that I was killing our sex life and never initiated anything and wasnt enthusiastic enough.....now I do and about 1/3 of the time he practically runs the other direction. maybe I should cut back 1/3?????

I don't know how to tell how much is too much before I "make a pass" and he reacts.....maybe trying counts for something anyway? Or does it just make him have more negative feelings of guilt and pressure? ?????

I know he is tired emotionally from work a lot, and has allergies and sinus problems....

bleh, who can figure? I would be really interested in any ideas anyone has....
I'm not even going to think about where OW might fit in the picture....frankly, there isn't much time for them to be together even if they were still seeing each other...

help!!! the crazymaker is getting a grip on me again....I just looked at the cell phone bill again, and frankly I'm really mad and ready to choke him........It cuts off the day before last wednesday, but the 15 minute phone call was on a friday at 4pm, I don't know, may have been the day after he told me he wasnt seeing her.....all the rest are 1 minute calls;

I just want to shake him till he comes to his senses or his eyes roll out, which ever happens 1st ......

should I email him & ask how he's doing?

should I block her cell phone #? or just let it all go and take a whole lot of deep breaths?????? yeah, I probably know the answer to that one......somebody yell it at me though, please!

My first suggestion is that you stop looking at the cell phone bill...seriously...you will drive yourself crazy with it, trying to figure out the whens and wherefores (and whys!) of the phone calls. It's just going to increase your anxiety level.

My second piece of advice is something you already suggested to yourself. "drop it", take some deep breaths. Here's something I use to retrain my mind when the going gets tough "it's HIS drama. I'm not going to participate in it".

Sage

should I email him to ask how his day is going??????

I'm sure OW does/has/is......probably having lunch with him....but that is certainly pursuing behavior, and last night he didnt respond well to sexual advances....

yes Sage, I know you're right....maybe I need to ask him to take care of that phone bill, he takes care of the bill from the long distance carrier for just that reason, and I told him I needed him to do it because I couldnt deal with it. I've stopped moving the basket on his dresser to clean where he used to stash his printed off emails from her underneath....for just that reason. calls to her havent been showing up on the cell bill until just lately....only last month and this month to be exact.....
although my attorney suggested I keep any "documentation" "just in case" (I've told her I don't want a D, did ask about how the process works and what I need to do to protect myself financially).....

more questions if you don't mind, how long after you started DBing did your H part w/OW? How did you know he was being truthful about it w/you? What was the biggest help to you in getting through it? Did you see signs that he was pulling away from her before it really "took"?
actually I'd really love any input from anybody with any experience with the above questions......grrrrrrr

I still havent emailed him today....maybe the crazymaker hasnt gotten her way yet!

thanks sage, this is very helpful. I would be really interested in the meditation sites.

I think my biggest stumbling block is also dealing with doubts about the truth of what he says....it makes it so difficult, but the doubts come from the fact that he's fed me such "whoppers" before when I trusted him....although I will say my instincts said he was lying before and I didnt want to listen to them, now they arent as "insistent", they are just more "cautious". It's so hard to be cool, calm and collected when you've trusted some one you love with all your heart and had it all thrown in your face before. But we all know about that.
He was pretty awful when the bomb dropped, and for awhile after that, I'd say it was maybe mid January when I felt he was "warming".....a month after DBing started...