LH19 - While in theory I agree with you 100%, you have to understand though there was rage, anger, etc.. by me that I couldn't trust myself to stay there. I felt at anytime I could snap and do something I would regret. Plus, the yelling and screaming in front of our son was not ok. Me moving out may very well cost me my marriage but it was certainly the lesser to two evils. Yes, I need help and I am currently getting counseling. With that said and knowing all of the other details, again, I ask what do I do now. I plan to 180, and basically go dark. That's it!
Me: 38 Her: 33 Bomb: 1/6/2017 Separated: 1/10/17 Together: 16 Years Son 12 Years Old She and Son still at the house Divorce Filed/Retracted Multiple Times Divorce: scheduled to be final 6/20/17
Two reasons: 1) I want to spend time with my son. I used to spend every single day with him and now I'm lucky if i spend 2 days a week with him. 2) Had I not agreed, she would have just used her Mother to watch him anyways. Why not be agreeable, nice, considerate, etc... she is going to do what she wants anyways right?
Correction: not 180 AND go dark...Just 180. Its impossible to go dark when we have a son that is involved in so many school/sports activities etc.
Damn guys...rough today!!!!
Me: 38 Her: 33 Bomb: 1/6/2017 Separated: 1/10/17 Together: 16 Years Son 12 Years Old She and Son still at the house Divorce Filed/Retracted Multiple Times Divorce: scheduled to be final 6/20/17
1) I want to spend time with my son. I used to spend every single day with him and now I'm lucky if i spend 2 days a week with him.
As LH said, I think this is an issue for your lawyer. What is the long term plan in the divorce settlement?
Originally Posted By: sellout
2) Had I not agreed, she would have just used her Mother to watch him anyways. Why not be agreeable, nice, considerate, etc... she is going to do what she wants anyways right?
Yes, she is. But I guess it's up to you what relationship you want to have. If you are her safety net, then it doesnt give her any reason to change her behavior. If youre willing to stand by as her Plan B, why would she ever treat you as Plan A? Yes, I imagine she could find someone to watch S if you refuse, but if it were me, I would only step in if I thought the conditions were unsafe for him.
Last key detail...in one of our marathon phone conversations, she told me..."had you handled this whole situation different in the last 3.5 months we would be working on our marriage and things would be much different. Your actions pushed me further into his arms". Maybe too late but live and learn.
I felt this EXACT same way you do until Jeep came along and slugged me in the head. Hopefully, he'll be along shortly, but I've got to say: what she is telling you here is that if you hadn't given her grief over her affair, you'd still be on better terms. That might very well be true, but if you stated it another way, it would be, "if you let me walk all over you and treat you like a doormat, then maybe you'd still be getting some crumbs from my table."
I don't know you, and I don't know how you want to live your life, but is that what you REALLY want your marriage to be?
Yes, obviously she is taking advantage of me as the on-call babysitter and that's even more proof she isn't thinking right.
So why did you agree to it?
It's not fair to him in the least, and I'll agree it's not the best thing for his mental and emotional well being, but... you can put up with pretty much anything for your kids.
If I only saw my kid two days a week, I'd be the on call baby sitter, too. Every day is precious, and something you can never, ever get back.
I understand that everyday is prescious. But this woman has it so good right now why would she change. This is the perfect set up. Whichever is why 50/50 custody is a must. Time alone with children without help will make her think twice, while your enjoying the weekend off.
Saw a counselor yesterday and feeling better this morning. Have not spoke to wife in 2 days but she is due to return from her getaway this evening. We will have to speak about coordination efforts, etc. I plan to not even mention her romantic getaway. Keeping the faith on staying calm, focused and showing her that I am on MY path to recovery and a great life ahead. Is he chooses to join, great. If not, she will be missing out.
Me: 38 Her: 33 Bomb: 1/6/2017 Separated: 1/10/17 Together: 16 Years Son 12 Years Old She and Son still at the house Divorce Filed/Retracted Multiple Times Divorce: scheduled to be final 6/20/17
