I think you need to work on grinding your expectations down to zero. This is very hard, but it's for you. When your expectations are more than zero, then her actions and words can hurt you. When they are at zero, then it won't bother you that:
1. She didn't open your card 2. She is antsy when you see her/interact with her 3. She didn't do anything more than say thanks when you complimented her
What were you expecting?
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
I think that on some level they will be always able to hurt us, even when our expectations are less than zero. The thing is, none of this is what we wanted. On some part, I guess it will always affect me. Ugh.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Jeep--I believe you, but don't you think Kevin's expectations are too high, expecting a positive response to his actions at this stage?
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
I think you may be right. I did it last year almost as an afterthought/habit sort of thing. Not sure what I was expecting, but I was still in the stage of trying to save things, but then again, I thought there was a chance to...
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
So its valentines day. I told her i was stopping by before work to day hi to the kids. Her wall was up once again.
I gave the kids valentines cards and gifts, and gave her a card that sigmply daid "happy Valentine's day". She didn't open it, and just put it on the counter. Im not sure if she even said thanks. Shes never been a "b!tchy" type of woman, but this was definitely like that.
After i left, i went back in the house to say she looked nice today (which she did) and she said thanks.
I then left.
I've stuck to the LRT and it seems to be pushing her away more and making her seem antey with me in all our interactions (even when im nice and not pushy).
IMHO, giving her a Valentine card and then making a trip back inside the house with precise intentions of complementing her, is not LRT.
You may see yourself as nice and not pushy......but you are putting emotional pressure on her. Therefore, she has to be colder, trying to get you to see it's over.
Stop persuing.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
IMHO, giving her a Valentine card and then making a trip back inside the house with precise intentions of complementing her, is not LTR.
This was the guidance from my DB coach. Mainly because we didnt want my actions to seem putative. Not acknowledging her yesterday would have been punitive based on my history of always doing something nice on Valentine's day.
We also arent officially separated, if that matters.
M:39 W:36 - D1:2 D2:6 11/19/16 BD1: ILYBNILWY, EA/PA Dec/Jan: MC, pursuing, not DBing 1/11/17 BD2: W wants 1 month break 2/1/17: Divorce Remedy. Start DBing 2/17/17 BD3: W - separation to start D process
We'll see over the next few weeks if there was a chance or not.
May be much longer wait than that...
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
