Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis She moved out, filed, but I'm still working Pt. 5

She has been the consummate party planner for the last 25+ years, but I will do my best to set up properly.

You will do just fine! I have faith in you!

Dinner was just ok...ended up sitting next to the W and she had nothing but small talk to say to me. There were 8 couples plus kids. Bought dinner for my entire family...was thanked for it.

Everyone came back to my house for drinks, desert and coffee after dinner. The last ppl left around 1030 pm. Had a great time. The W real gated herself to the kitchen and dining room. She did not venture into the back of the house.

I cannot express how difficult it was to watch her drive away. She simply said thanks for having me...bye. How deflating. I did grab her shoulders as she was walking out and give a gentle squeeze. I then hugged my two youngest and told them that I loved them. Seeing her seem at easy getting in her Carnac drive away was heartbreaking.

Thank God I was able to keep from asking her to stay. Several of the men that were here know what is going on and are praying that things work out for us. I know God's will will be done, but as a humanit is difficult having the patience to wait on his timing.

Hi SBJ, I've only posted once but I follow along. Sounds like you did well tonight, my w is at my house a lot so I know how hard it is, especially when they leave with the kids. It gets easier though, sometimes are harder than others but overall it gets easier (and sometimes I want to kick her in the butt on the way out, lol). My w also limits where she goes or asks, it seems weird even still, but Idk what I'd think if she went all over either. And although they seem at ease I often think it is an act. Keep being a guy she's a fool to leave and keep you expectations nil (I know I'm one to talk).

Sounds like you did great!

Your posting sounds like you did great. I know it was difficult to see her walk out and get into her car and drive away....but...she left w/some good memories of the night. Hopefully those memories will stay w/her for a while and she'll think about how nice the evening turned out.

Today is a new day...what do you have planned?

Thanks guys...I drunk posted last night, but at least I didn't drunk dial or text her. It was kind of funny, but when everyone walked in I overheard her say well isn't he the little party planner. She was being serious and not sarcastic. The house was spotless and I had coffee, deserts, and mixed drinks for everyone. She has special dietary needs, so I even had something that she could eat. You are suppose to know your guests for your party...right?

I've had no physical contact with her in six months...and I guess I need to keep trying to detach because she is...at times...so physically beautiful it drives me mad.

I think you shocked her that you have the place looking nice and all of the fixings for your guests, i.e., right down to what she could eat. Well done! It shows her that you are strong, independent and can plan parties too.

Continue as you have been. I'm very proud of you!

SBJ ^x2

I think what is important for you to walk away from with this is not the thought this one demonstration will wake her up and win her back but it simply plants a seed. You have not fallen apart, you had the place looking good, you were a good host (something that she probably felt was hers and you would fail without her... hence the statement about you being the party planner all the sudden) and you demonstrated some chaps by not allowing her presence to effect you (outwardly).

Thats a good start to planting several seeds without her realizing how many seeds you are tossing out there.

Thanks Cali and job...I feel that I have become a bit OCD at my house. We had our routine...I cooked/grocery shopped/did the yard and she cleaned and did the laundry. Now having to do it all I realize that I really like things neat and tidy. I have the kitchen, den and dining area ship shape at all times...and have been making my bed daily. I have removed all of the things that she left in our bathroom and made it my own...except for when my daughter is there...she really likes the large mirror in the master bathroom. She now has a couple of her own drawers in my master bath. I was kind of hoping that the W would walk back there and notice, but she stayed in the kitchen/den area the entire evening.

Today she has called already asking me if I'd spoken to my attorney yet. She is pushing to get this thing done quickly. I have put a call in to my attorney and keep telling the W that things are in motion, but that there is no rush on anything. It is kind of frustrating. I don't know if I am just holding out that she will suddenly change her mind or if I am just dragging my feet since I don't believe in divorce. Whatever it is...there is absolutely no RUSH on it.