***My W has never articulated to me why her attraction to me is gone. I think some of that is that she truly doesn't know it in a rational way -- that's just not how she thinks. And some of it is that it is extremely difficult for her to talk about it. So a mix of the two.***
It's really hard when our W's won't talk to us about the issues...but so, so common...and leaves it in our court to do as MWD says, experiment and monitor results...approach with actions, not words...are you still willing to experiment at this stage? Seeing that your W won't talk to you...can you radically change (180s) any of the following non-sexual things and see if it makes a difference?
*Mr. Nice Guy--how would you act/dress/interact if you were the bad boy? Take some chances.
*Parental figure--what would it look like if you were the complete opposite? Romeo?
*She feels unwanted/addicted to emotional highs--what would help? time/attention? words of affirmation? acts of service? gifts? a weekend away? a romantic dinner for two? something totally unexpected and out of character? Mysterious?
*Appearance/hygiene--do you try to look/smell your best every time you are going to see your W? Women are much better than men about this, in general.
*Does your W like non-sexual touching/is she still open to it? Holding hands? Hugging? Massages? Cuddles? Sitting close to one another?
Side note: you know what makes me mad? This: "And on the flipside that amplifies the high she gets from wanting someone else, someone new." When I compliment my W she ignores me; when another guy compliments her, she melts into an emotional puddle.
They want the forbidden fruit,no matter what we do for them will change there minds been there done that got the tea shirt,you know what the forbidden fruit is don't you,
Me 56 w52 M30 years 4x adult kids W dad died/11 W wanted d 03/12 In-house sep 03/12 D 2014 I pushed W Left on 02/16 I pushed Pa on 07/16 Nc after 07/16 W Cakeating 15to16 Me doormat 12to16 Limbo 12to16
So what makes a husband irresistible? Hmmm...confidence, smells good, doing interesting things that draw my curiosity. I'll be honest, right now I am "faking until I make it" with regards to WH. A big problem is he cheated and now I sometimes have intrusive thoughts when we are intimate. I also wish he would work out and get a little muscle. I don't want him super muscular but would like if he had some tone. Not because I want a stereotype but because it would show he cares about himself. I want to feel like he feels protective over me and be my shield. Right now I still feel like he is self focused and not caring about my feelings. My secret wish...that he would wrap me in his arms and apologize for all the hurt he caused me and that he would do whatever it takes to make me feel like #1 again. And then he would follow his words with actions.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
The shock and pain of these details we have to attend to are unbearable. Your side todd you know details of the terms of her D filing? Do in your state you don't have to lay our terms (so as to negotiate) ahead of filing? What does your lawyer say?
Went back a couple of days in your posts. I personally would not be able to do the friends thing with my WH if it comes to divorce. That sounds awfully manipulative to me and selfish. She knows you are not on the same page with regards to your divorce. Sounds like she wants to keep you dangling in the background. And if it comes to divorce, and new woman walking into your life is not going to be thrilled with that arrangement either. Maybe putting your foot down and emphatically stating that is not going to happen would be a wake up call?
You know your wife and therefore the changes she's going through. What are you seeing? What is she suddenly attracted to? How's your confidence level? You don't have to be a bad boy to be confident in yourself - which is attractive. Are you sedentary and she's suddenly interested in an active person? Are you dressing to impress?
Hope you don't mind me intruding, just some things I myself have had to recently pay more attention to.
M:41 H:43 T:26yrs M:19 yrs S:15 D1:14 D2:9 Living together but separated
We have been very amicable. But I still await to be served.
FG, the waiting and limbo [censored] bud and I completely get how you're feeling. What are you doing during the wait? I know you're spending a bunch of time with the kids but are you taking time for yourself? Got to take a break from this thing every now and then for your own sanity. Know it's difficult, but don't lose sight of your own well being.
Hang in there brother. I know you'll be good regardless of what happens. You remain a good man and it's a shame your W is putting you through this. Stay strong!
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
How about a getaway for yourself or with the kids or a buddy?
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
You guys are right on the mark -- I need to make sure I get away from this nightmare on a regular basis. I will work on that.
010207--my W fell in love with someone 10 years younger, someone w/ an alluring persona. It was a delusional EA, and she admits she's not quite over it yet. I'm physically healthy, active and fit -- and often get comments that I look much younger than I am -- but I'm a mellow, thinker type, Mr Nice Guy, Mr Fix It, and don't exude a strong presence in a group. I'm not shy or have low self-esteem. I'm quite comfortable with who I am and am at peace with myself. My W isn't particularly into flashy life-of-the-party types either. She's more drawn to creative types, but ... I believe being intensely wanted by anyone is like a huge drug hit to her brain.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
