I agree with others above. The time to have stopped that convo was just before the "what does that mean?"
Yes, she may have been upset beforehand but that's up to her. If you had a) not responded or b) responded briefly with - no problem - or something similar, you wouldn't have opened the door for her to have come back with what she did?
She is highly reactive - and you are not far behind her. So, really work on the 'not reacting' to her emotional bait - and merely respond to the practicalities of the situation - you want to swap the puppy? Yes that works for me. When shall we do it? Saturday at noon is good...etc...
I'm not sure how you feel about her having access to the house, but given the present dynamics, you may want to text and let her know you can't be around now, but doggy will be there, walked and waiting if she wants to swing by and grab him..
Just keep learning from the feedback and the dynamics that are happening here. If your own communication improves, that changes the dynamic....
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Two favorite cards the WW uses the most are the control and the guit. She will either accuse you of controlling her, or she will play on your guilt.
I will raise my hand as being one who saw wayyyy to much of that.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Ugh...I really suck at this. I make improvements and then BAM...do something stupid again. Thanks to everyone for the feedback. Hopefully this didn't set me back too far.
Of course my heart wants to go with her and be around her, but my head certainly doesn't...my head says "she's having an affair and you're contemplating spending a weekend with her????!!!!???!!!" It is such a conflicting feeling. I assume what is ACTUALLY best is not to go...who the heck knows though...
Actually, Laowai, when I asked if YOU wanted to go ... I meant do you want to go for yourself that has NOTHING to do with your wife. If you wanted to go so you can be with your wife, I would have said that's a terrible idea.
You've got to move on, man. She's moved way the hell on. She sees you as clingy, needy, sad. Not attractive qualities.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
You need to get on with your life, thats true. But that doesnt mean you need to close the proverbial door and start dating someone new. Put your focus on you and live your life. Get a life. For you. Find some hobbies, make some friends, fill your calendar! Leave your W alone to do her thing. If she decides to seek you out at some point in the future, then youll have some decisions to make. But for now, it's time to live your life!
Well, I just told her that the dog swap "sounds like an awesome plan" She then replied "that's the response I expected...Later"
So clearly she was upset...But I'm not sure why...??? I responded "what does that mean?" Her response was "exactly what I said. Appreciate you being so accomodating. I'll let you know when I leave. Please have the dog ready so I can make the swap and leave. No need to waste time. Thanks again and have a good day."
What is your take on this exchange? Since I know her, these words clearly tell me that she is upset. My question is why? Should I ask her why she is upset? Isn't making her upset counter-intuitive to the overall goal?
She got funny with you cos she lost control,and when she said jump you dident,but now you have put her in control again and she said jump and you said how high, She got you right where she wants you,should of said sorry I'm bussy,,I've only seen my dog once in 7 months,now you have to go back and start again,
Me 56 w52 M30 years 4x adult kids W dad died/11 W wanted d 03/12 In-house sep 03/12 D 2014 I pushed W Left on 02/16 I pushed Pa on 07/16 Nc after 07/16 W Cakeating 15to16 Me doormat 12to16 Limbo 12to16
Thanks to everyone for the advice so far. It really is invaluable. I suppose I am "starting over" since I gave up control again...well, crap! Please keep the advice/encouragement/2x4's coming. They are the best motivation I have at the moment. Trying to find some meetups, but there aren't any within a hundred miles from me except for a 40's to 50's group and a christian book club. Neither of those would be good for me...even if I did want to leave my comfort zone some LOL!
Gump is giving the correct advice, sir. As you are, too. The fact is, he can date and all. You are advising him to live his life, which is exactly what he would be doing. If she decides to come back in the future, then he will cross that bridge at that time. But he can't just sit around and not enjoy someone's company in *hopes* of her coming back. Who knows, maybe the real one would come along. Not busting your chops, just giving a different viewpoint.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
