I am following your situation closely as the custody set up and ongoing involvement with the kids--good for you--is what I imagine in my near future?
Re the office girl? If you don't think it's the right thing to do, then let her down easy. Just tell her that you think she's great, but that you're not ready to date yet.
Last edited by Cadet; 01/31/1709:19 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Hi Gordie I agree that mediation may not be required if you still have a reasonable relationship with your stbx. It can be expensive and not essential if you can both agree to a fair custody arrangement. I get to see my kids alot more than most people, but I am finding that although I love my girls and love to see them, my ex W tries to dump them on me when ever she sees fit. Not saying you should not be thankful, just that a you need to be able to make plans of your own from time to time. The other problem arises if and when the time comes that you or your ex wish to date again...the rules can suddenly change and arrangements need to be in place so that things remain fair. I am still hopeful of reconciliation some day so maybe I am more tolerant. Should that not happen, I know the situation could become more difficult.
I am concerned though that any dating would close the door on my ex W. I think she might pull away and give up on the idea if she wasn't my first choice. The other problem has been her relying on me to have the kids and help her out which I am happy to do. As I mentioned before, she has been suggesting we go out together which is not dating as such but a start. Any third party involved would put a stop to that too.
Until you stop being available to her.....and stop worrying that something you do could close the door to future reconciliation.....and stay away from her and act like you are divorced.....then you can expect to remain in this rut. She has never lost you, and she uses you whenever she wants......and you have imprisoned yourself by your own way of thinking about this stitch.
She has the setup she wants. It works great for her! Why should she change it?
Stay away from teenage girls and find someone your own age.
Last edited by Cadet; 02/01/1702:33 PM. Reason: Start a new thread message
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Well I have got myself in a strange situation. I have an office girl that has a crush on me. We have been messaging for two weeks and I took her out last night on a date. She is only 19 years old and very attractive. I thought it would help my confidence and boost my ego, which it did at first but she just wants me to show her a good time and spend money on her. She finds my position in my job attractive and feels like a VIP. I have given her lots of compliments and I felt alive for a while. I now can see this was a big mistake and we have nothing in common except our job. It's all made me miss my ex W more as I know what kind of woman I would really want. This girl is a welcome distraction from everything that has happened although I now need to think about ending it gently without to much fall out. If my ex found out, I doubt reconciliation would be an option.. What do you guys advise I do here?
Oh dear. How old are you? Dating a 19 year old crossed your mind? Are you in your 20's? You even can see she wants a sugar daddy and you want attention. Is this healthy for YOU, let alone reconciliation?
I know its not right and I am cooling things off with her now. It was a welcome distraction and confidence boost but not a realitiy and she is definately too young for me however mature she comes across.
I have a bigger problem to deal with now though. The biggest reality check I have had since separating. My ex W has found someone else. I am in shock as I actually believed that we had a chance. Its early days as she has only been on a two dates, or so she tells me. I walked out when she admitted to it. I couldn't breathe. She called me later in the evening, drunk, to ask me why I thought that we could get back together after being divorced! I feel so stupid now. I played myself, really believing that there was hope because of the kids and house and that we were getting along ok.
I know I have to detach and would rather not see her again. She even suggested that we still go out together occasionally with the kids as nothing has changed and we are on good terms! I can't see how that could ever work and I don't want to. I only kept a friendship with a view to a possible future together but with another guy on the scene I have to let go of her some how.I am now contemplating selling the house and moving to a different town. I don't know what else to do. It's like my hopes have been shattered and I am facing a new beginning.
OK, where should I start? Has anyone had to deal with this kind of situation? I feel like this is day one..
I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?
have a bigger problem to deal with now though. The biggest reality check I have had since separating. My ex W has found someone else. I am in shock as I actually believed that we had a chance. Its early days as she has only been on a two dates, or so she tells me. I walked out when she admitted to it. I couldn't breathe. She called me later in the evening, drunk, to ask me why I thought that we could get back together after being divorced! I feel so stupid now. I played myself, really believing that there was hope because of the kids and house and that we were getting along ok.
I would imagine that this has been going on for much longer than what you believe. She's been on "two dates" early on? A hard lesson that I've learned was to believe nothing of what they say. One of the most bitter pills to swallow, my friend.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
