Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers So confused 2

Make sure you have all your ducks in a row, as it sounds as if it may get a little unpleasant. One thing that I learned is that no matter how innocent a question may seem to be it more often than not can/will be turned against you. Be prepared and DO NOT text anything without seriously thinking about it.

We haven't had any contact. I'm just going by what she said a couple months ago when things fell apart.

I'm seriously thinking of filing myself. It just goes against everything I stand for and I know she will turn that against me to people and say see he did this.

What is she asking for that is crazy?

There is really nothing she can turn against you. That's kind of like when a cheater gets angry because they were exposed. That decision, though, is totally up to you. I filed because of circumstances sort of forced me to.

Hi bsb,

Catching up and checking in.

I will say that I was dead-set against filing myself until I found out my STBXW was getting hit with a custody suit that could affect finances. At that point I felt I needed to go ahead and file to protect myself in case she wanted to go back our agreement for splitting debt. That said, once I committed to filing it was so freeing to me. It was like I have been able to really let go and that has helped my emotional well-being immensely. I can't say it would do the same for you, but just wanted to share what it did for me.

Thanks everyone!

I just never wanted the divorce and me filing says to the world I'm ok with it. I know that's the wrong way to look at things and I'm struggling on what to do now.

I think you are right as in once filed I will feel a weight off my shoulders. I still don't want this but she isn't trying anything to save our marriage. I am the bread winner and make 4x her salary so I want to protect myself but our laws say everything is marital until divorce.

The part that makes me mad is I added her to my savings so she is now entitled to half. She didn't put in money into it and left after 4 months of being married so it bothers me that she thinks she should get half vs signing it back over.

I'm trying to keep calm. We haven't talked and I don't plan to right now.

I may be mistaken, but I do believe the half part only refers to what was obtained after the marriage. For example, if she had a car before marriage, it is rightfully hers and can't be split. Same with any marital property.

Crap, I hit submit too soon.

Honestly, I don't think there is a one of us on here that wanted to file. I certainly didn't. And even though I have no choice, I regret it. I guess I always will. And you are correct, in some ways - and certainly not immediately - you'll feel liberated. Try to think of it as a step to the new you and your new future...as much as that [censored].

I agree Jeep....no one here wants to file but you didn't have a choice and you need to protect yourself. I waited for my W to file because we never put anything in both of our names...thankfully....

bsb...I know you are struggling with when/if to file, I think the people that really know you will understand you just wanting to protect yourself and that you want the M and would rather work on it than D....

My family and friends will understand but our families are connected to small towns. Some days I don't know if I even want the work on things. I get sad at night and when I wake up but then it turns to anger.

Everyone that knows me is saying how much bettter off I will be without her. She has a history of running away from problems.

It's just hard to give up. I know most of us feel that way. I just wonder if she's regretting anything at this point.