How do I prove my changes if we don't communicate?
If our changes are truly a way of recognizing your faults and improving on them, then you dont need to 'prove' them. If she wants to come towards you someday to see who youve become, then youll be ready. But chasing after her with this kind of letter wont draw her closer.
Like said above - just be you, and become the BEST you. It seems incredibly counter-intuitive, but time and space are almost always completely necessary for a WAS to experience life without you around to blame, and if you're lucky, come to their senses. Before DB, I sent the most beautiful letters to my XW, roses, fun gifts, invited to fun places - and all she did was smash them into the ground. When I finally realized I deserved better, and went dark, it took 4-6 months of almost no communication, but she did come back.
It didn't work out for me because at her core she is a very broken person, but take it from someone who learned the hard way; it is all but guaranteed that continuing to contact her will have the opposite result of what you're seeking.
I've been separated for 10 months and I still hurt as much as I did during the first month. Does anyone else feel this way? It hurts most because we were supposed to start having children this year and now we are on our way to divorce. I am in my mid 30's and don't have hope for children anymore.
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
Are you still with us? If you have not already sent the letter, please don't. It is going to sound like an echo around here, but you need to show her through your actions, not your words. Plus, the written word could be used against you in some way.
Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
