Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Slowly losing my wife (2)

I don't know if it's strategic, but I would do it just out of my sense of dignity for myself and for my wife. She is deluded about their relationship, so the more she goes on with it, the more she damages herself and her dignity. Do it just to end this pitiful delusion.

I wouldn't particularly have respect for the guy. If he had any principle, any maturity, any wisdom, he'd tell your wife, Thank you for your attention, I appreciate you as a fan but nothing else, you are married, go be with your husband and children.

Stand tall and be proud of who you are, Lex. Let your strength show to your kids.

That depends. Are you going to tell him to stop or kindly ask him in a meek way? And if you tell him, what is the "or else" option?



It can be. You need to be prepared for what his response is. You will either be forced to back up your fail safe option or be sent off with your tail tucked.

I talked to my ex's OM. Told him that if I ever saw him near my family I'd break his legs. And I meant it.

Honestly? This sounds like incredible cake eating to me.

Has she gone back on her 'I want to separate/divorce' stance? If not, then I think youre setting yourself up to be disappointed soon.

What exactly would be the point? Your W has some fantasy built up in her mind. Him saying he just 'wants to be friends' isnt going to change anything for her. It's the WAYWARDNESS that needs to change, not the presence of an OM.

^What he said.

I agree that waywardness or whatever you want to call it is the problem and talking to the OM will hardly change that.

But waking her up for a moment from her delusion, I think, is good. She is having a psychotic moment: she has a break from reality. Wake her up. Enough of these, and she might realize she needs help. Not today, not tomorrow but years from now.

And besides, aren't you fn pissed? Are you just going to sit around and wring your hands while your W spends time and money on this guy? I don't encourage or condone violence but I like that Jeep stood up for himself and told the OM to F off.

But this isnt going to wake her up, because the OM is a fantasy anyway. In my mind, Lex is already shooting himself in the foot because he knows about all of this but is still proceeding with all of the family + physical stuff as if it isnt going on. In my mind, he's already condoning this kind of behavior. Setting your boundaries on what you will accept is different than controlling others.


Of course Id be mad. Id be mad at W and OM. But thats not a good reason to take any action. What is your (Lex's) goal(s)? Id take my actions to work towards that. Running off and screaming at OM is probably not the way to get there.

Agreed. There was no running and screaming on this end, sir. Delivered in a calm voice. But then again, the OM knew I'd do it, to.

I agree it shouldn't be about controlling his W. And I agree it needs to be a part of a big goal: for him and for her to be healthy, mature partners.

Lex, if you see confronting the OM as something that is going to turn your W around ... you'll be disappointed.

I don't think you have recognized that your wife has a serious problem, and that you enable her.

So, so right. In my case, that wasn't realized until way too late to even begin to right the ship.