Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers MLC H at age 32, maybe single mum with a toddler S

Thanks j20a00g. Nevertheless R or sex with a trans is a big can of worms...

H was here today, asking me all sort of questions about what we did and who we saw. I try not to say too much, but I was being too honest because I had a long day at work. He leaned over to play with S when I was holding him. If anyone looked in the window we would of looked so normal as a family. Then he got a message and I said, maybe you should go now... He left when we started dinner. Again seem like he didn't want to go.

30 mins later he called, saying that he might come back tonight to borrow our oven for his art project. I said it's all right if it's before 8. He straight away went from nice to swearing off his head. He did not like my "rule". He said to give a yes or no answer so I said no. We hang up, he texted "thanks for nothing". Surprisingly I didn't get angry and took the bait to keep arguing.

I think he's a long way from getting through the tunnel. But I will pay my own back for doing a good job detaching. I would love to give him a hug and tell him everything will be fine. But I know it will work the opposite way. I thank DR for teaching me to be solution oriented!!

Who is it a big can of worms to? Him or you?

Certainly you are not the first person to witness this.

I think Bruce Jenner and some others tbh.

Detachment is the most important step in this process,
as it is easy to see that you did not cause this
nor can you fix it.

What outcome do you want is the real question?

Thanks Cadet. I agree but am not prepared to think of the outcome. I am scared of hoping. Yet I am devastated to just accept it as it is.

He had our son today coz I was at work. They obviously had a good day but it somehow upset me a bit. I think I feel better when he's not doing well. Even when he's yelling and being unreasonable, I know what to do. But when he's happy and announcing he wants to leave asap, I feel like maybe this is just what he wanted all along: a single life full of excitement and a full time mum of his child who is supportive of him not taking his fatherly responsibilities.

And jag2000, this big can of worms I guess it's mostly to him. Unlike me, when there's a problem, he looks elsewhere hoping the problem will resolve itself. Isn't that how all MLC come about?

I do still want him back. Sometimes when we are talking and laughing, I feel like I am watching an old video of us in our previous life. He was right there, but somehow he's gone. The alien had aducted him. I hope they will return him, even broken. I want my family back. And I want to love him "the right way" this time. I need to re-read DR...

I am more concerned about the escort part.

An escort or sex worker is not an A partner but a sex partner. They get paid after being booked for sex as a business transaction.

The infection risk and HIV might be very high. Please take extra care if your WH is fishing in these waters.

Just saying.

V

Am not doing too well for the past few days. Had a feeling that H may not be coming over tonight, so took the initiative to make plans with my S, and called him to pretend we got an invite for an outing. He said, so you don't want me to come over? I said, no, I would love you to see S, but if it's just me and him at home tonight, then we would love to go out. He said, then go do that then. All in all, I am glad I don't wait for him to come anymore, and I didn't give him a chance for blaming me for not seeing S.

I was wondering why I am having a hard time to stay positive. Now I realised it's been exactly 3 months since he moved out. I have officially moved out of crisis mode and enter limbo land. I am also settling into my new job, I need something else to keep me going. I found an pole dancing class that is close to me. I was looking for salsa dancing, but this is better location and fits better into my schedule with a toddler. I think I should go for it. I have always been curious anyway. Better not wait till my son is 18 to start pool dancing I figure...

Still struggle to find support as I don't have family and close friends where I live. Sometimes I just want to vent. I find myself keeping falling back into the "fear" trap, and keep thinking about what he's doing, thinking. I know I need to focus on me, but the brain is not talking to the heart. I was laying on the bed waiting for my S to fall asleep, outside a car drove pass and the light went across the bedroom ceiling. I used to like that because on the odd nights he was not home, that could be his car. I know it is not him, and will not be for a long time. I cried silently trying not to wait my son. Maybe this is a good sign as I am finally starting to mourn my loss?

How do I convince my heart that I will be okay, and my son will be okay? Acting as if it's very very tiring...

Thanks V, he went to the doc for a check up after BD. Then he moved out. It's not like we will be intimate anytime soon. I suspect he's seeing the same escort because he's hanging around the same suburb as per bank records where the escort did business. And this person had stopped advertising after H moved out. H also had moved out of his friend's place, and being touchy on the subject. So yeah, I thought things can not be any worse than it was, but this can be the new low. Sad thing is I still miss him, dreamed about him kissing me. I am a bit angry at myself for that. But I need to accept my own feelings I guess.

H was home today and was happy. Moved his computer to his new place. Did ask me about my dinner plan again, I asked him why ask, he said just want to know. Then said you can see anyone you like as long as you are safe. Don't know how to read this. I should stop checking his bank records. But sometimes the records help me stop being too hopeful too quickly.

I don't know I am allowed to have a new thread along with my 2 others, but none are getting many comments and I'd like some advices asap...

So I have cut right down on pursuing. No messages on the days he doesn't visit, intentionally make plans so he visits less. He got annoyed and said, if you want to go out, why can't you just leave S with me. So I organised a dinner to do just that. He didn't want to be alone with S, took him to his mum. Texted a few times while I was at dinner, which I took time to reply. He texted, you must of having a good time coz you don't bother to reply. That would of been my text to him 3 months ago.

The only thing is I am not good at dealing with his questions. He asked repeatively was I going on a date. He said he doesn't care who I am seeing just want to know. Also said he wasn't dating and he would let me know if he is. I said no it's just a friend but he obviously doesn't believe it. Because I took time to dress up I guess. He was very argumentative after I returned, and when I pointed that out he said I am "shitting" him. I deep down wanted to laugh When I heard that.

Although I had stated that I don't want to share my plans because we aren't sharing. I feel like I am not handling it well enough. I asked him politely to leave multiple times, but he was staying till 9:30. But just grumpily playing with his phone on the couch. I will keep on GAL, but what to do when he's asking questions again? Still being vague? It doesn't seem to work coz he really persists on asking. And when I said I don't want to share, he got annoyed. Is this a good thing?

To answer you question - it is best to keep one thread until 100 posts.

also



Starting new threads does not get more posts on your thread.
It is actually counter productive because people need to find all your threads to figure what is going on.

I hve merged your newcomers threads together