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I miss my wife also. We sleep in separate beds, all I want is a hug, all I want is my wife to talk to me. She is angry with me all the time. You have to keep it up though, you have to stay positive, you have to look at the changes you are making for yourself to feel good about yourself.

You have to let go. And I realized after Cadet reminded me "Let Go" yesterday, that every morning I get up I have to reinforce the let go, before I come home from work I again have to reinforce the let go. It's not easy.

I have books that I read daily, books about staying positive. I practice gratitude throughout the day for everything that I have and that helps keep me stay positive. Gratitude for kids, health, home...there are so many things to be thankful for in spite of what you are going through. I exercise daily, am in the best shape in 20 years and that helps my attitude.

Keep it up, stay positive, find what helps you stay positive and keep those things up.

Thanks ngs. I'm definitely doing all of those things.

Lately I feel like DBing has become a part time job (or maybe even full time!), and today I'm just over it. The books, these boards, the prayers, practicing what I'm going to say before every encounter with my W... I'm effing tired of it!

Ok, rant over. Of course I'm not quitting. I'm just venting.

The holidays are coming and it's really hard to go through the motions of making all the family plans with this problem hanging over our heads. Both of our kids have birthdays in December and we're also planning a trip to Disney in early January. I've stopped asking my W if she STILL wants to do the Disney trip bc she always says yes. I really do want to go, to see the joy on my kids' faces.

Just found this on one of sandi2's threads"



I think I need to read this every day...or maybe every hour!

Hey Chris, sorry to hear you're having a rough morning. Me too, today was one of those days I woke up and thought "crap, this isn't a nightmare". So, I feel ya. I have it maybe a little easier since I moved out and we aren't around one another, but I know how hard it was when I was still there.

ngs is right, we just have to remind ourselves to let go every day, sometimes several times a day, and try to stay as positive as possible. I know you are, Chris, I know you're giving it your all and that can be so exhausting. Just find something that helps recharge you if you can. Meditation, prayer, thinking about your amazing kids, etc.

You'll be okay, I have to remind myself of this all the time, but I do know it to be true. We will all be okay, and hopefully, even better than ever when this chapter in our lives closes in whatever way it does.

Much love to you today

Thanks fightin. I'm happy to see that you've been able to move on (and out). Sometimes that feels like such a welcome alternative to the day-in/day-out of living with a WW. But I would miss my kids terribly. As it is I only see them for a couple hours a night during the week.

The thing that [censored] is that my W admitted in our last MC session that she simultaneously needs the "space" that I'm giving her and doesn't like the space between us. When I hear that my "fix it" brain just throws its hands up and says WTF is wrong with you woman?!

I keep thinking that some sort of switch is going to flip with her and the alien that has taken over will go back to its home planet and the fog will be lifted and she'll break down and beg for forgiveness.

I know this isn't going to happen so I really need to dispell this fantasy and look for other ways to motivate myself...

So what kind of GAL activities are you involved in?

I can't say that I've actually moved on, just out. I still wake up wishing this wasn't my life. I still miss her terribly, but I do think the physical separation is helping me detach. Of course I worry that me leaving put the final nail in the coffin, but I know logically only time will tell on that. If you keep up on my thread you know what a mess she was the night before I moved out so I know she's still very all over the place emotionally.

As for your W and her statement, she's very conflicted, but she's going to have to sort that out for herself. You can't fix it for her as much as you'd like to. Eventually a switch will flip and she'll choose her path, it just might not be the one you're hoping for and I think that is the most difficult thing to accept as the LBS.

Yes, GAL as much as possible. I'm still working on this one as well, but I know it helps.

Great question! In fact I just refreshed my GaL list about an hour ago, and believe me, I have plenty to keep me busy.

Not including my job, kids, and taking care of my house (an activity which I'm JUST STARTING to get better at), I lift weights 3 days a week and go running on the off days. I play guitar and just started setting up a home studio for music production. I run a website and co-host a podcast for horror movies. I play video games. I enjoy cooking and trying new cocktail recipes.

Just started going to church again regularly which will widen my social circle. It's a Unitarian Universalist church and quite honestly the nicest people I've EVER met! They offer lots of opportunities to get involved and help with their social outreach efforts.

Trying to make more plans with my old circle of friends (the ones I had before I got married). Now that I'm detached it's much easier to make plans with friends because my W is a built in babysitter.

I also love to read fiction for pleasure, but my free time has been so consumed with self-help books including DB/DR that I haven't read anything else since The Girl on the Train (which was great, but hard to deal with at times bc the story hits close to home).

Sheesh. This reads like a match.com profile...

I guess it depends on your point of view. I think just trying to GaL is moving on, in a way.

I have been following your threads, and I'm sorry that you're wrapped up in so much drama. I guess the space between you and your W will do you some good.

I can't even imagine what life would be like for me if my wife continued her A out in the open. I'd probably want to leave too. But I won't be forced out of my house. Meanwhile, asking my W to leave would be traumatic for my kids. So I guess at the very least I can be thankful that I'm not in that situation right now.

Is reading match.com profiles one of your GAL activities?