You've given a great description to me of detaching - so now I get it. What is "dropping the rope"? I've seen you and others in Piecing use that term several times and I'm not sure what that is exactly.
How are you doing? Thinking of you and appreciating you as always. Totally
totally - ah, dropping the rope, well girlfriend, i am gonna have to look it up here on the bb because there is an excellent description of it, and i just couldn't do it justice, so give me some time and i will post it on your thread ok??? thank you so much for the kind words, hope this finds you well
pib - my partner in crime!!! hey girlfriend, i like the idea of a little support with the whole weight loss thing, i am so IN THE ZONE, and you know as well as i pib, that once your in the zone - truly in it - nothing can stop you, so girl, GET THERE!!! did you swim for 15 minutes today????
bets - girl, how does one get in on your infamous chats? i don't want advice from any one of you, i just would LOVE to be a fly on the wall in one of your hen parties!!! thanks for visiting, alas, i haven't posted positives lately, not cause i don't have any - it's just that i been too stinking busy with LIFE!!!
alaskangirl - you are a hoot, did you know that???? i am SO proud of you for the quitting smoking thing...i gotta pull something up from somewhere that says what each minute, hour, day, week, month, year does for your body the longer you stay not smoking...i got homework - check - alaskangirl needs the smoking thing and totally needs the dropping the rope thing
holdingon - my helicopter pilot friend ... how are things with you??? i miss our chats, but as i explained in an email to you, i am in a different place and not able to spend a lot of time on the computer as once did - but i miss you!!! i just KNOW you will get it, just be patient with yourself
*************************
wanted to mention ONE positive i thought was interesting...this weekend is the weekend i take the boys to see their mother, so they wont be around. well, my hubby said, why don't we take daughter to the "fountain" this weekend and i said hey, that sounds like a great idea (she loves it there) - well - my sil called and wanted her this weekend to go see disney on ice, so i called hubby and told him plans had changed that daughter was gonna be gone, and he said, oh drats, well let's go anyway...
um hello??? just you and me??? i tried desperately not to sound SHOCKED so i just let out a "sure, sounds good!!!" LOL - after i hung up, i laughed my butt off...and started singing, he'll be coming around the mountain when he comes!!! LOL
*********************************
JOURNALING
Quote: But I don't care anymore what people think of how unusual my situation is. It is working for us, and allowing two people who love each other very much to remain ineach other's lives in a way that doesn't hurt, but enhances both of those lives.
this was a profound statement in the last bets thread made by myhrr that i just had to write down here - been trying to wrap my mind around this for a couple of months now, and it CLICKED for me with those simple words - thank you myhrr
******************************
ASKING FOR HELP
in light of the "honesty" thread, (bets) - i am coming to the board for help - not really help, but a discussion of sorts
as most of you know, i have lost 60 pounds since dec 2002 - what is the sad thing is that i lost it all by july of 2003 (no - NOT because of the bomb, i had started 6 months before the bomb) and have stayed pretty much stagnet since then
i only have 30 more pounds to go, but i seem to have hit a "limit" and i can't seem to break it. i have flucuated in this 8 pound range up and down since july
i know what it is. after listening to more brian tracy, i know that it is a "limiting factor" - i have placed a limit on myself from getting any thinner - for what reason i ask?
hmmmm - as most oldtimers around here know about me, my life was pretty much sucky - and i looked back over the last couple of weeks and realized that everytime i was "thin" i was in trouble. i am coming to realize that i had it in my mind that being thing meant being taken advantage of. (thanks pib for insight on this based on your work sitch)
i have a feeling that i have limited myself from getting any thinner cause i am afraid of the outcome. i am afraid of things happening to me. but what is stupid, is that i am so much older and so much wiser that i shouldn't be here at this place
i so deserve to be a raving beauty - and yet, something is stopping me. i sabotage myself each time i get to a certain weight and it goes back up, but then it hits this one place and i am smart enough to say, I WILL NOT GET THAT BIG AGAIN and i lose it, but i can't seem to break that "limit"
ok, so the first part of healing is knowing right? i know it, and it really came to me on sunday - that for whatever reason i was gonna get past this "limit"
then i started realizing other parts of my life are similar...could it be that i am afraid of success??? oh gosh, that is a deep one. what are the "limits" i set on myself to not reach that point where perserverence turns into realization of a goal?
gosh people, i have lots to work on still - now that i got this "r" thing handled - i can REALLY go to work on me. i am sick and tired of settling for second best - i deserve the best the world has to offer and by george, i am going after it
that is all for now...stay tuned as the metamorphesis of kitti takes place
Jeez, Kitti--You never fail to get me in places I thought were safe. I'm glad to know that you've been busy healing and analyzing. You were really missed when you were in CA, you know.
Get in one of my chats? So now you want to be the last nail in my employment coffin? I should have posted what Merrick appreciated as my own #1! You tell me when you need a hen chat, and I'll indulge.
Before I proceed, how about a cheer for a date between you and your H? How wonderful! Sometimes the stars align themselves right, and you get the chance to get what you really need and want anyway. Divine intervention at its best, because you weren't jamming your own will into things.
Now, on to weight loss and fear of success. Damn, girl, 60 lbs is a HUGE accomplishment. IF you are afraid of becoming a success in your own eyes, I'm afraid that this trail has been blazed many, many times. You walk with a lot of company.
I have a little bit of that person in me as well. Mostly the past version of me, but it's present nonetheless.
You realize that half of the battle is recognizing your own sabotaging efforts, right? I had to commit to my own path as well. I'm down 18 with 15 to go. And the day that I became at peace with that process (ironically, the day I signed up, because I was committed) was the one where I said, "If you cheat, you are only cheating yourself. You deserve this, so make sure you take this seriously."
I will report that I do indulge myself (this past weekend's over indulgence in Murphy's Red speaks loudly). I primarily have a bite of D7's brownie or a spoonful of her ice cream. But I don't allow myself to feel sorry for myself and offer myself an exception "just because".
It's my thinking that changed more than anything. I quit seeing myself as a victim. That's when I started seeing the big changes...
I sense the same kind of metamorphosis here, Kitti Cat.
A big hug to you. And thanks for your appreciation at "our" place.
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
betsey - You realize that half of the battle is recognizing your own sabotaging efforts, right? oh yes, i sure do. half the act of posting to this board is accountability - i ask for help sometimes, and i get it in spades - but just the act of posting something like this here makes me feel accountable, and makes it real so that i know in my mind, hey, i really gotta work on this - thanks so much for visiting me bets - your words are pearls of wisdom for me always
pib - oooo, i gotta try the whole biking in bed thing!!! LOL - i crack myself up sometimes, my hubby would think i went off the deep end with that one!! - girl, i can never tell you what your little experience with your boss did for me. it really opened my eyes to the whole "vulnerable" thing and that lead me to the whole epiphany i had with my weight - so thank you so much for sharing, not only the experience, but your feelings...it helped me
pam - my day started wonderfully - i had a very nice and pleasant and GOOSEBUMPLY conversation with someone this morning - and i do believe it will resonate the rest of the day - thank you my progressive friend
*************************************
well it seems i ruffled a few feathers this week, something that wasn't my intent and it only goes to show me that i still must work on my communication skills
i have lost three pounds since monday GO ME
had a great time going up to charlotte last night with the boys, they were cracking me up big time...stepson #1 says to me, whatever happened to you in california we sure do like it! i gave him a huge hug - i love them kids ya know???
only hubby and i alone today, that doesn't happen often - supposed to go to the fountain but it looks kinda nasty so far this morning - if not we have a project we can work on together today - and he is grilling tonight our favorite meal - GRILLED TUNA STEAKS
After missing you around here, it nearly takes three weeks for me to drop by to say howdy KK... been keeping an eye on your posts... just not much time to type...
Quote: so i called hubby and told him plans had changed that daughter was gonna be gone, and he said, oh drats, well let's go anyway...
Bets beat me to it, but I'm gonna repeat it anyway... Kitti has a date! ... KEWL!
Movies at home ... now activities outside the house without the kids ... the way I see it ... baby steps that if nurtured could lead to a rekindled courtship.
I also want to add how I admire the level of self-reflection you continue to share here in your journaling. It draws an image in my mind of a sculptress chipping away at a block. Finding herself within that raw chunk of stone. KK, not only have you become a skillful artist, but you are forming into an amazing work of art.
Hope your date and the rest of your weekend is fun-filled.
Love what you posted to Pam this morning!! It is how I look at my life, if it's sunny..perfection. I can walk, I can see, I have soo much in my life to be thankful, so much to make my day great!
Oh and I'm still thinking on what you posted to me yesterday about my H and his drinking..hmmmm...I miss chatting with you! It's been sooooo long, too!!
I'm glad to know that you've been busy healing and analyzing. You were really missed when you were in CA, you know.
