It is always a pleasure to hear from you. I learnt a hell of a lot from you on a great many things. For us men it is hard to focus on women if we do not understand them or ourselves.
Your expression "we are not wired that way" still rings in my ear and helps me better understand what goes through a woman's head at times.
Your constant fights with men on what works and doesn't as well as what being a man really means is a testament to how good you really are. To have a woman explain to a man how to behave like a man is just awesome.
I owe you and DB a lot.
I am travelling around so contact will be erratic but I will try to stay connevted here.
When I first arrived here like a lot of others including myself we try to find the spiritual or philosophical side of our situation.
Some turn to religion, others try to be upbeat about it. It is like when you attend a funeral and someone always comes out with those stupid expressions.
In my opinion it is incorrect. This is gut wrenching trench warfare where emotional wounds are made that hurt as much as the physical ones and where we as people and a family unit are ripped apart from the soul outwards.
There is no easy way out and no one is going to help you but yourself. You will cry, hurt, anger, question... go through so many emotions it will drain you.
No matter how sh1tty your relationship was, if you went to a home and lived a conventional life no matter how unhappy you were, it will not prepare you for the onslaught. By the end of the first wave you will be emotionally battered and bruised.
The problem is that it doesnt end there, there is no time, the second wave is coming and you are outgunned and unarmed for the oncoming.
As a result we grab on to our basic and primitive instincts. Some to religion, some to philosophical logic, others to violence... to each his own.
That is where we should really listen to the words here. By listening I mean UNDERSTAND really what is happening to you and how to react at first to then counterattack.
Believe me, we are not used to so much emotional ups and downs because we are not in control. If we keep our head however we will see as MWD sdays that these emotions are like waves and little by little we get to stand on our feet, not be scared of them and by the end of the day have to strength to walk back on to the beach to safer place.
We will arrive there if we DO cry, hurt and detox ourselves of all those destructive emotions we are subject to.
Until we do that we cannot move on to the next stage. Remember the worst person who can hurt you is yourself. You are fighting against yourself and you need to be realistic and understand it is part of a healing process.
It seems to me that you are on the right track and remember self pity or hatred get you nowhere. Just be realistic, if you get slapped dont turn the cheek but kick them in the nvts, just dont be the first to lash out.
You are one hard nut to crack. I hope all the hours of trying to break through worked.
I am by NO means a legend, there are real legends here that we owe a lot to and to which I will be eternally grateful. Some by just writing a couple of words made sense, others by b1tchslapping when we deserved it.
I hope that your wheels spin less and you traction more.
Dangerous places are only as dangerous as you allow them to be and can be anyplace where you allow them to be so.
My take is that I have seen a lot of guys call getting a life going to the gym, going to social clubs with friends during the day, taking up a hobby or spending a lot of time with the children.
This is all well and good but I found that for most this is within a safety zone. This is all with the WS/WAS in mind, looking at her from the corner of our eye.
It is about her and not about us. I am not saying we should all do it and if you are not ready then don't but if you DO want to then DO IT.
When a woman is fed up I have found her social life increases and not exactly by joining the local sewing group. She will smack on the sexiest dress, empty the perfume bottle, sharpen the stilletos and hit the town.
We on the other hand will go to a burger king. If we do decide to hit the town we will ask for permission in the most ingenious ways and down play it to innocent ridiculousness. I say scr3w that.
smack on the best male dress, splash on the killer after shave, wax yourself to the crack, put on your jordans and get down. No questions, no excuses no nothing. Have fun. Be yourself. Just be sensible.
It can be a club (as I jokingly used as an example) or anything else where she or he may not approve.
I want to thank you for your sweet words. Means more than I can say.
I believe it really helps for those who have walked through their own hell to come back and speak to hurting newcomers. They want to hear from those who are further down the road. Thanks for that, Max.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
My take is that I have seen a lot of guys call getting a life going to the gym, going to social clubs with friends during the day, taking up a hobby or spending a lot of time with the children.
This is all well and good but I found that for most this is within a safety zone. This is all with the WS/WAS in mind, looking at her from the corner of our eye.
It is about her and not about us. I am not saying we should all do it and if you are not ready then don't but if you DO want to then DO IT.
When a woman is fed up I have found her social life increases and not exactly by joining the local sewing group. She will smack on the sexiest dress, empty the perfume bottle, sharpen the stilletos and hit the town.
We on the other hand will go to a burger king. If we do decide to hit the town we will ask for permission in the most ingenious ways and down play it to innocent ridiculousness. I say scr3w that.
smack on the best male dress, splash on the killer after shave, wax yourself to the crack, put on your jordans and get down. No questions, no excuses no nothing. Have fun. Be yourself. Just be sensible.
It can be a club (as I jokingly used as an example) or anything else where she or he may not approve.
I think we're both kind of in the same mindset, just wording it differently. I tend to agree that the gym and parenting are great, but I dont really consider them to be "GAL" exactly.
I dont need to get all dolled up and fancy like to go out and meet members of the opposite sex to GAL though. For me, it's about making a new network that didnt include my ex. It's about meeting new people and trying new things. All of which, I consider "safe" but...maybe outside of MY comfort zone.
It wasnt about my ex, it was about rebuilding my own personal confidence. It also wasnt about temptation or trying to challenge myself in my relationship with my ex - I didnt need that to heal.
GAL is doing that which makes you happy, that interacts with others.
For me GAL being with family and some girl stuff is great GAL.
Going on courses, lunch and coffee with staff and clientstudents.
I haven't yet donned a sexy dress but by golly this Xmas I will do so. And I will shake a shimmy or two. Well not quite true in Chicago I wore my new little black cocktail number for a speak easy and cocktails.
My body isn't set fair, I am still a little over weight, so those dresses are a (hum) snug fit.
Still am getting there.
So whatever you want to do and children centred GAL is terrific GAL.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
