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RAI

I had trouble with my settings and if you were on my batphone, please call again.

Apologies if this makes no sense.......

V

Hi everyone,

Cherry, I am sorry you are also going through in-house separation. I know how it feels to be ignored and treated like persona non grata. However, in all fairness, aside from please, thank you and banter about the children, I treat my WW the same way. I don't know that woman anymore and anything I say is twisted to fit her narrative. I am just too cautious to make myself vulnerable to her anymore.

Update: So much has changed since the last time I posted. Changing Ls made a huge difference: I have fixed a day to move out. It is obviously tragic because I will lose 50% of my time with the children, but definitely a step forward and an opportunity for me to move on. I am wasting no time and will proceed with a Jewish writ of D that same day. I have no regrets about this. I would never have wanted a D, but now that she has demonstrated what a despicable conniving person she is, I would never ever take my WW back again. I have been told to judge actions and not the person, but I just can't see her in any other light. In-house separation purgatory is awful. I am very comfortable moving on in my life without my STBXW. There is still a journey towards the civil D. There is just not enough money in the pot. It will be financially painful for both of us.

WW sent another half-a$$ed apology - this time by text. It contained the usual blame-shifting and inability to truly take responsibility for her actions. I am so done with her. I haven't the slightest urge to reply to her, although I thought of many. It seems like I am becoming the WAH. DBer's, please do not judge me harshly for what I am feeling about my STBXW after all she has done.

One final thought to share: D is the opposite of pizza. Why, you may ask? Even when pizza is bad, it is still pretty good. However, even when D is good, it is still pretty bad.

I wish all Jewish DBers a very happy new year. Best to all.

Best,

RAI

Not sure what you meant. Hugs!

RAI

RAI,

You have my support my friend. No way in he// would I take my STBX back unless she did some work. Agree judge their actions not their words.

I am sorry to hear that you will be D'd. I hope yours is more civil than mine as STBX still does not respect my boundaries. Maybe over time that will change for the LBS's.

Keep checking in. Would like to continue to know you are doing OK.

Hi all,

First, thanks for the support, JK.

Now for a quick update. I have officially moved out. After an emotionally and physically exhausting day, I slept in my new house last night and it was the sleep on contentment. I am so thankful to G-d for this house. It suits my needs perfectly. The kids have seen it and really like it. I had four friends come over to help me unpack. Another friend donated some furniture. I never thought I would get to this point. I am just so overwhelmingly thankful. I have to get through this weekend - my first alone with the children. I have so much to prepare. Another note of gratitude to G-d: my afternoon schedule today is super light, so I have more time to prepare.

I have also signed a Jewish writ of D. I Would never have chosen D, but it looks like my W, and G-d have chosen it for me. I am very relieved - at least for today. It feels like a huge burden has been lifted. There is a long way to go in civil D, and My W is receiving (and accepting) counsel that is only prolonging the process and making it more contentious, to everyone's detriment. I will continue to take it day-by-day and work on being thankful for everything that is going right - and there is a lot.

Best to all, love to all, and ((hugs)) to all,

RAI

Your name still says it all RAI - Rise Above It!! You've been here a long time my friend, it's ok to reclaim your life, your sanity, and your emotional well being with some space. Who knows where this move fits in the larger scheme of things in your sitch but for now it sounds like you were drowning and grabbed onto a healthy piece of floating driftwood. One can only let so many of those float by while saying, "I'm holding out for the reconciliation boat to come by!"

Sending you strength, and peace. None of us thought we'd be where we are, especially if we're over 30. I'm still homeless, living in AirBnb houses, and in the back of my truck. Once you remove any shame that you be self imposing, you realize that you're doing the best you can and have been dealt a setback. So what. Set backs come in the form of cancers, bankruptcies, and in our cases divorces. For others it will be something else.

You've done a LOT of hard work since joining up here, give yourself a ton of credit for that. I hope you sleep like a rock too. Soak up the newfound breathing room, make your new place exactly how you want it, enjoy the support you're getting from the kick ass people around you and keep showing your kids what a rock star their dad is.

Cheers,

PP

I'm glad to hear this Rai. Your situation has been something of a nightmare for a good while and I'm sure you will feel the relief of being captain of your own ship again.

Enjoy making your new place your own my friend xx

RAI

Healing begins, you have your space and can and will rebuild.

All my furniture apart from the mattresses are donated or charity shop bargains or ebay.

Glam sis just donated two spare lights for my bedroom. the old ones were the Giggalos and I packed them. The lights are pretty and now I can read in bed. A friends dad died and there is a TV which I can acquire for a donation to his charity.

I in my turn had some spare crockery and cutlery plus duvet, towels iron, ironing board which are going to a young lady aged 18 thrown out from home by uncaring parents. And several other older but still usable items.

The Giggalo was a hoarder.

Why three irons extra? Don't know, spare hoovers in attics? Still now use able.

It's just stuff, and quality stuff.

And it can be shared.

If you read Mustardseed thread she started this way, it is your taste, your choices. Less triggers and it's better in my view.

I prefer it this way.

All good my dear friend.

Hugs

V

Yes I came away with very little stuff from our marital home. A few items of furniture I had before I met XH and a few sentimental items, including one or two nice presents from him that I feel okay with having around.

Other than that, it has been a clean slate. I even felt funny about things like ironing board as I could remember him ironing new trousers for when he was travelling and working (and seeing OW.) So things like that I just didn't want my new place sullied with..

Do what feels right to you and enjoy the process my friend x

How is RAI?

V