Woke up this morning and cannot stop crying...I miss my H so much , I miss my happy life, I miss having my family all together. I cannot bare the thought that that might not happen again. I have not spent Christmas without my husband in 34 years. It's been over seven months since he left and I'm loosing hope that he will find his way back to me...and I just don't think I can cope with that...the only thing that has kept me going so far is hope...
Your h hasn't been gone that long. Seven months is a drop in the bucket when it comes to a spouse walking out the door. I do understand how you feel especially w/the holidays approaching. It's not easy, but you've got to feel those emotions and let them go. So, pick yourself up, pull up your big girl panties and start making some new traditions for the holidays. Go visit family and friends and if you don't have any in the immediate area, plan to serve up meals at the local shelter. Go visit people in the nursing home or in the hospital who do not have family around during the holidays. Just remember, you are the only one that can control your life and if you choose to sit on the pity pot for a long time, well, life will not get any better. Take back your life and start doing things that make you happy.
You don't know what the future holds for you and your family. Your h may opt to return or he may opt to completely walk away, but whatever happens...you need to get stronger, more independent and wiser. There is always hope and the more positive you become, the more doors that will open for you. The world is ready to open its arms and embrace you, but you've got to take one step at a time and stay positive.
Take back your power and start walking forward. Let me ask you this question...what would you do if your h were in a coma? Think about that question and I'd like to hear what you would do and how would you handle the situation.
Feel those emotions and release them and then grab those big girl panties and pull them up and get moving. I know you can do this! One step at a time, one day at a time.
Job - Is that what you refer to being hit over the head with a 2x4? I have gone out bought myself some big girl panties:-))) You are so right and I do know it. The mornings are particularly difficult with depression and the world always looks very bleak. It's like I wake up and realize the nightmare continues...The kids and I have already planned a completely different Christmas and New Years from what we usually do and MIL is joining us as well. We are all looking forward to it even without H.
Your question "what would I do if my husband was in a coma?". Good question. I would be very sad and very worried but I would take charge...I think for me the difference here is as well as being very sad and very worried, I am also very hurt by what he is doing now with GF and his lack of empathy for what we are going through and lack of love for us. It kills me to know that he is showering another woman with his 'love' and attention and not me! He has been my man since we were 20 years old and I am not into sharing! He has always treated me like I was the only one and been very romantic even after all these years so it hurts so much that he just flipped a switch and turned off his love for me when I still feel so much love for him. I wish I could get really mad at him for what he is doing but I just don't seem to able to...thank you, Job, I really do appreciate you being there to push me off the pity pot!
Last edited by job; 11/12/1611:37 AM. Reason: Added spacing between paragraphs
Hi SS55, sorry you had a rough start to the day. I can recall another poster in Newcomers - it may have been pigpen or mutatio (or perhaps Caliguy) - having an morning routine.
It involved (something like) a short meditation, a little journaling, some yoga, then make the bed, practice gratitude - and you're good to go.
Now this may sound a lot, but it doesn't take long to do these things:
Do a five minute meditation (maybe find an app that has them?) Journal about one nice thing that happened yesterday Write down three things you are grateful for right now Do a few minutes of yoga stretches.
You may find that 10 or 15 minutes can really impact positively on how you feel. And these are also baby steps towards taking charge of your own life (whatever your H may be doing.) I hope you'll give this a try. These ideas come from Shawn Achor's TED talk on happiness which has helped me a lot.
Hope tomorrow morning is a better one! X
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto - thanks for the suggestions. I usually get up, feed the dogs and then go for a long walk down along the river and back through the park but it was raining this morning...but I'll try your suggestions on rainy days! x
Hi Westo - I read your thread and, yes, ours is a similar story and time frame.
My H gained weight initially too but now he has lost it again and then some...I have no idea if it's on purpose or not. He does always look very tired. It did in the beginning make me think there couldn't possibly be an affair going on because he was chubby and he didn't shave or have his hair cut but, silly me, of course there was! He has also started wearing weird hippy bracelets and this an M&S clothes kind of guy... Hugs
Gaining weight, losing weight and being tired are most likely symptoms of depression. Read up on depression and you'll notice that your h may be exhibiting some of the depression behaviors.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I like all the suggestions you were given It is a difficult time- -the feelings hurt but they always pass once we stop and feel them good that you cry when you need to-
I t is hard to start over,,but we do have a choice on how we do it and the example we set for others like our kids ,nieces, family, and fiends etc. not to mention the world and others who are struggling and for ourselves, because life does get bumpy here from time ti time we learn tools we take with us for the rest of our lives peace-
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
was! He has also started wearing weird hippy bracelets and this an M&S clothes kind of guy...
Lol......weird fashion choices seem to be a common MLC symptom. One woman here had a husband who started wearing a raspberry beret. No lie! My ex didn't change his clothes but he did start shaving his junk.
