Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives The cliff at the top of the mountain.

FWIW I very much think you are doing the right thing with the plumber - regardless of how it turns out. Either way you'll grow from it and be more certain if seeing him again or moving on is the right thing. Very good feeling about that.

I just so totally get it about the pain and loneliness at night. This time I agree with your dad. It's just a matter of time. It may be sooner or it may be later but it will be. Very good feeling about this too.

Glad you are staying and posting - mostly because it's what's right for you, but also because I'd miss ya if you left.

OK, I'm hearing that he really wants to get to know you better but I'm not hearing that you really want to get to know him better! If you are going to meet him again pay attention to your gut and red flags, don't excuse behaviour...IMHO, asking you after one date what position you like etc. is not insinuation, it's inappropriate behaviour! Good luck

Ginger,

It's nice that you're giving the guy another chance. Before you go on the date, go to Lowe's and buy a big pipe wrench. Take the pipe wrench on the date with you. Tell him you're going to use the pipe wrench on his head if he screws up.

I double-dog dare you...

Hi Ginger,

I just wanted to reply to this because I have just been through something very similar with someone who has turned out to be an amazing person (who just wasn't used to classy women, I think). I had to draw several boundaries and we had a few clashes over it, but it has been so worth it. It's not a bad thing to find out how to negotiate differences early on. Sounds like your plumber sensed that it didn't go over well so he reeled it in. That's a good thing.

Stick to your standards and he will either respect it or fall off the radar.

Thanks guys! And thank you for sharing that, painter! Maybe sometimes people just don't understand and they need to be redirected. Thus far he has respected what I said to him and he deserves another chance for that. I'm sort of in some weird social experiment with him right now. I'm going to see if it works redirecting certain behaviors and showing him how I would like to be treated.

I had a session with my IC tonight. It's been 2 weeks so I brought her up to speed on everything. I tell her everything including the emotions I am embarrassed of. She's the sweetest smartest woman. She feels I should be dating, casually dating multiple guys at once ( cause, ya know, they are knocking down my door) and then I will be able to see who I want to get serious with. Of course being open and honest with whom I'm dating. I told her how it kind of upset me that oat guys want to skip to the sexual stuff. She laughed and said " well, it's not all bad!!!" Even throug telling her everything, she said I'm doing so great and I really have my crap together. It's funny how differently I see it. She admires my actions, my gym commitment, my dating, my volunteering. Ect. Sh said I'm certainly not a woman who expects things to just happen for her and it's obvious I want to make myself feel good and be in charge of my own happiness. Funny I don't quite see myself that way. I mean, yes, I see myself as a strong proactive woman who doesn't lay down and die. Who makes every effort to learn from mistakes and still work towards what I desire. I know I'm the only one who can do that for me. But I see myself as so weak sometimes for still carrying someone in my heart who doesn't want me. But I guess that would only be my weakness if I let it stop from me from forging forward. But nope. I intend to move forward with an open heart and an open heart no matter what I am carrying deep down. I'll work through it and I'll get through it. There's got to be a reason for everything at the end of this.

Don, thank you. I have no doubt there is a woman put there for you. And it will more than you ever dreamed of. The lonely nights will be a thing of the past.

I"m sorry (I'm Canadian I have to say that lol)...and I know I'm alone here, but why not find a guy who you don't feel you have to "train" right off the bat! I'm not sensing any deep attachment here from you so why not move your social experiment to guys who treat you with respect all the time whether texting or in person. I think you're being way to nice and playing with fire that you don't have to play with. OK, I'll just shut up now...but I say it 'cuz I care about you! Take it or leave it...oh, and did I say sorry already?

I always appreciate your input, WII, and I understand where you are coming from.

I don't intend to train him. I discussed this night and I think it's more showing others how we would like to be treated. I think it is just sort of his sense of humor which came off wrong, and I respect that he changed it after I communicated with him.

There is no deep attachment. I discussed that last night too. I tend to only give chance to those who I have deep attachment right off the bat with. That's not my fair to myself. Because that could come with getting to know someone. I know so many couples who thought eachother were a holes at first but then they got to know eachother and are happily married:)

I am also learning to date and build things. I'm either all in or all out, which isn't so healthy either.

After all this time, real dating is new to me. I don't need someone to take care of me, I live happy and independent, I'm not going to commit because I am needy and I'm scared of not having someone.

I'm just going to give people chances. If it's not working for me, I won't be sticking around. But who knows, maybe I will be pleasantly surprised.

give calculated chances...I've found giving everyone a second chance in online dating is energy draining and not very successful. People show you who they are very quickly and often the hard part is believing who they show themselves to be. I used to always excuse things and say "maybe it's this or maybe it's that" but I found what shows up initially is usually repeated or worse and it's draining and discouraging. So, good luck with it and remember, if the plumber turns out to be a turd, flush him fast lol!

hey, tell him you'd like to have more children but only virgin births lol

no more children for me! Shop is closed!!! I'll be sure to threaten him with the pipe though. My gut is very sharp and when it's a true gut negative gut feeling, he is out!

On good notes. I put a bid on a condo. It's one I looked at, but a first floor which feels roomier and brighter.

Tomorrow night I get to go to the Devils game and sit in the owners suite with all the food and booze I want.

And..... there has been this shift in my daughter everyone has been noticing, especially me. She has been so well-behaved lately. No arguing with me over everything, listening, being helpful.... Which means there has been no yelling, and our time together is just so awesome. I've been praising the crap out of her good behavior. I won't see her until Monday night, and I miss her already. It's awesome, and I'm going to enjoy it while it's here.

So, yeah, things are good.