Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers niryANa

Thanks everyone. I will be posting for now, can't promise forever. I was really sad this morning but I am only sad now. I look at the house and see so much work, so many decisions. This is not today's worry, I will need time to sit with my new reality. After a while I will begin with throwing away the junk.

Sigh... welcome to my life.

I see more things now that the fog of hope is dissipating. I gave her the benefit of doubt and don't any more. Confrontation seems like a waste of time. I will work on my evolution so that when the sh!t storm hits the family I can be a calm strong safe place for my kids. I need to be their life line through this life changing event. An event solely, unilaterally of my wife's choosing for the family. I will display kindness and compassion for my wife. It is important for my children to have a loving relationship with her. Throwing gasoline on the fire helps no one.

I live for my children while I evolve to live for myself.

Are you saying you now believe she has OM?

Are you going to let her tell your children that you were an ass a long tine ago and now she cannot put up with you anymore? You have accepted that crap long enough. Call a spade a spade. I am not saying to attack W or to act in vengeance.But do not let her pretend this is on you and your faults.

Before you didn't create waves because you believed it was best option to save M. Now you don't want to save M and have another reason to not create waves.

I truly understand your thinking. I thought like that most of my but sometimes you have to stand up regardless of the waves.

Again I say this for you my friend. Life is worth living and being too passive can let life roll over you.

Do what you must Mut', I'll be here for you regardless.

What do you mean? Confront her now? Confront her in front of the children? Tell her sister, mother and father? Where does this get me? What is the purpose? Please respond roiste , or anyone else.

I think she is having an affair with her boss, at the very least an emotional affair which my become physical at her next business trip. This is all a hunch.

Please respond thanks

Without proof you are just a grieving man lashing back. With proof you are not accepting blame for her choice. I just feel you are a scapegoat. I made the point so that in your kids eyes you would nit be painted as the culprit here.

So firstly it removes some of the tarnish and blame that you have been saddled with.SSecondly your kids know you were wronged and not that you did wrong. Thirdly you KNOW heart and soul, this is all her. Fourth it is the truth. That is important.


In such a case people often ask if you want to be married or to be right. In this case you will be divorced anyway. You have nothing to lose. Txhubby amongst others could tell you how that could help get your W back.
TThere are many stories here about that. Yes I believe this works but my primary reason for all this talk is to help you.

I know you are uncomfortable with this but I don't want to see you walked on. Enough is enough. You have nothing to lose.

So if I were you I would get proof and confront. This is just my opinion so I, too would like to hear other voices.

When you settle your thoughts, you need to focus on you again.
But don't sweep this away. Release the truth and then move on with your life. Do not dwell exclusively on this.

For the record I think you are already ready for the shiitstorm that is about to hit your family. You will be strong and get through this WITH them.

Hey Mu,

Sorry about this latest turn. I know the devastation and helplessness you are feeling. Take each day as it comes and do something that makes you very happy, FOR YOU.

Can you get away for a day or two to clear your head?

RAI

Thank you roiste and RAI, I am digesting all options and will let you know the path I choose. I am getting a little better each day. The emotional trauma will be much more manageable by the end of the week. I will share my path so others may learn what to do or not to do depending on their circumstance. Be well

I am in this same boat. I wonder if I should tell my in-laws. Word has gotten back to me that my W is spreading pretty bad stuff to her family about me and my parenting ability. I am very close with my father in law and have gotten the down-low. I have the proof - all I have to do is hit send. She has made herself out to be an angel. But, as I said in my thread, she has so many issues that I - and others as our MC (now my IC) believe that she is two different people in one.

Do I? Or don't I?

Hi Jeep, I try to follow my thought to its logical conclusion and see where it goes. I am leaning against confrontation. I don't see how it benefits me or my children if you think it thru. My kids know I have changed, they've said it. I do not want to drag their mother through the mud either. I think I will behave well and firmly stand up for my rights.

I would explain your position to your FIL and that's it. Maybe show him the proof but that's it. If she has psychological issues, airing her dirty laundry will not achieve your goal. Is it an ego thing? What is your goal and how does this course of action get you there and at what cost?

Thanks for reflecting on my words. Without judgement I thought that was what you would decide. Viewing the age of your kids I am sure they will perceive if their is OM sooner or later. The truth usually comes to the surface eventually.

Now that you have chosen your path, down to practicalities.What is her plan after kids informed? How long more do ye need to share the same roof?

Speaking of roofs, get the stuff needed and fix the roof/ceiling in the garage. With your son. Even if ye sell that should be done. Then work on his car with him. Your wife's recent decision changes nothing about this so why let it affect it?

I imagine that the more money ye get for the house the better, so don't put off other jobs because you don't feel like it. Snap out of that thinking. Unless you want the house for now. Then a lower value suits you!

If you can really get passed your feelings of anxiety, resentmentaand anger over the recent developments and the impending business trip, impressive stuff. I worry that it could eat away at you. You know best. Maybe read/listen to the stuff on the excel website about betrayal/anxiety.

Mut' you have a clean slate. What are you going to do with it. Your future is yours to build/create. Make it a good one.

Can you get away for the weekend?

I'll finish on a delicate question. Have you had any urges to drink because of what you are going through?