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Hi

Well went out it was a local meet up was good had met with a couple of the people before was a drink and then movies

Spent a great weekend with the. Kids pizza with my son

Council King session was moved to next week she was ill

Feeling happier not so focused on W

Will update again soon

Thank you for checking in I am feeling happier

keep it up ghost! this is great to hear

So I have re joined at the local gym my time with the personal trainer has ended and I realise that I am still not doing enough.

I have not lost enough weight not enough by far
My W tells me that I am still not doing enough arround the house not doing my share and that nothing has changed ...it's hard not to take this to heart

So it should not feel wrong for me to go out with other people and be happy ....yet it feels wrong.

I have been to see a Councillor and have 8 more free sessions available to me I will us these for my personal Groath.

So goal one I am going to step things up I want to loose weight and I will do this

Tomorrow...well it is today now ...I will go and find a support group slimming world and I will report back to you here that I have done this.

I think the slimming group sounds like a good idea. Helping you towards your goal of losing weight and being fitter - but with a social aspect too..

I look forward to hearing that you've enrolled in that - remember small steps and that is something you can do today.

Also glad to hear you are continuing with the IC and I hope you will keep the focus on yourself and release the M for now.

Take care my friend

So looking for a slimming club ideally slimming world locally that I would not be the only guy there is harder than I thought I called the local one and spoke to the person that runs it and she said currently there are no men at her group not sure if this really matters her group meets on a Wednesday so I could go but not sure if I will feel out of place ....

I have rejoined at the gym and will be able to train now when ever I like it is a 24 HR gym so I have little to no excuses I have stopped the personal trainer for now he was very expensive and I have to do this ...this has to come from me

Home life is and has been good W and I are getting along very well I make her drinks she make me drinks been out for lunch a couple of times together we seem to still very much enjoy each other's company she is starting to laugh with me again and is not so sharp and snappy all,the time .... I really do not know how to move this in any direction I a'm scared to bring things up with her as bringing up the past just hurts feelings so this is not a good idea I want to hug her and from time to time I am able to lightly touch her and she does not pull away but this is a comforting touch nothing more and I am scared to overstep the mark

I can continue doing what I am doing ..but I am scared that sooner or later if things do not get better and when I say better I mean if intamacy does not grow between her and I then it could grow between her and another and then she will be gone.

I guess intamacy is the last thing to come back ??

I know keep the focus on me and I am doing this mostly

W went out clubbing over weekend and my emotions were not bothered I just wished her a good night out ...this is change as previously I would have been very upset at the thoughts of her going out and potentially meeting someone

I have my choices I realise this and I do not want to make a decision that I cannot undo so for now my choice is that I remain strong and continue to show my W my loving and caring actions take more of the focus off her but be ther for her in the hope that in time she decides to work on our marriage once again.

I still cry ...I am still emotional I still call the help lines for support but I am feeling stronger

Hugs
Ghost

So just had the worst dream possible and have woken in a panic crying distraught I was about to write to my wife she is working a night shift and tell her about my dream and tell her I cannot do this any longer and tell her that we either have to try and work on things or tell her that she has to go I want to beg her to work on things as in my dream she had decided to sleep with someone else I know that this is some people's reality and it may already have happened with my W I do not believe that it has but I feel a broken man

I do not want to be apart from her but she is sharp tempered and snappy she is cold and she is uncaring the woman that I loved is no more but I pray that she could return I want to be with her because I love her and she is the mother of our children I do not want to loose her but I am starting to feel anger and resentment to how I am being treated I never meant to hurt her feelings but I feel this is a choice she,is making and she is choosing to be unloving and uncaring .

Sorry this to vent I was about to send her a begging message and felt it would be better to post here

So I continue to try and do my share of the housework and be thee for my children show her love I do not know how I can turn this around actions not my words

I am still totally getting it wrong I am still treating her as my wife I buy her small gifts and want to spend time with her and my detachment is impossible whilst I live with her I cannot detach anywhere near enough yet I do not want to live without her I am so unhappy when I imagine life without her

I want to write to her telling her one last time how I feel how I am sorry how I understand her I love her and would not get it wrong again but bringing up the past waould not be a good decision yet I cannot leave the house and leave my children and live apart She would need to make this decision ....could I make this decision if she slept with someone else

I want to say to her please give me 60 days let's just act like we are back together for this time and see if this could kick start loving feelings ..not sleep with each other or do anything sexual just hug hold hands sit watching tv snuggle up together perhaps share a bed like we did for 26 years lay together and snuggle and see if loving feelings return don't fight it and be open to this and if nothing changes then draw a line under things

I do not even know exactly what was the cause of our break up it was not just one thing many many small things leading to much resentment and loss of love I just want another chance I cannot even say that I would never screw up again

At times like this I just do not want to go on yet I have my four beautiful children to think about I feel so alone I want to ask her for a hug for her to feel close to me to feel my affection to trust me

Sorry to rant on ...it has to come out

I am a loving caring person who screwed up by being self centred and I put myself first

All this from a bad dream about her sleeping with someone I feel numb I just want to tell her that I don't care if she does this and if this is what she wants then she should live her life and good luck to her yet I do not mean this at all

I need sleep

You were right to vent here instead of acting on that impulse.

You can control what you feel/think. Maybe not 100% but it can be done. Google "excel at life" and check out their articles about cbt. It could help, but maybe a cbt therapist would be better for you.

Best wishes

Ghost, it was just a bad dream. You should not make decisions based on a dream!

Ghost...
Still not reading much about your time with an IC...
Does your IC specialize in CBT?

I am worried for you...
The merry go round is still spinning...


The tire still has air in it...
The engine still needs your attention...
Tick Tock Tick Tock...