7. The previous M or R is deceased. Quit digging it up and examining it and trying to breath life into the lifeless form. Start a new R, hopefully with your spouse. But the old R has to die or you will be right back where you are now.
This is the mistake I continue to make...not so much trying to breathe life into it (it's alive, it's alive!! ) but continuing to use it as a baseline and a projector of the future.
I keep saying to myself "if only..."
he would ask me to marry him again he'd suggest renewing our vows he'd make a verbal commitment
then we'd be ok...
blahblahblahblahblah
We're more than ok.
I'm the one clinging to the old crap....not him.
I'm the one still kicking the corpse (drama!!!) -- he's already moved on -- set up shop in the new digs.
Yikes, I better get packing!!!
Sage (mixing metaphors all over the place!)
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Sage, Is your H a man? I think he is. Is he married to you? I think he is.
Quote: I keep saying to myself "if only..."
he would ask me to marry him again he'd suggest renewing our vows he'd make a verbal commitment
then we'd be ok...
Now... I understand that you WANT him to ask you to M him again, etc. But is he the kind of guy that would never even think of doing that because he has DONE that and is M to you? Would he THINK that is something that you WANT or have you shown him your practical side in the past? Maybe it never even enters his mind because he figures you might think we are already married, why do that again?
Maybe, he WILL ask you. Maybe you will have to ask for what you want.
JMHO
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quote: Now... I understand that you WANT him to ask you to M him again, etc. But is he the kind of guy that would never even think of doing that because he has DONE that and is M to you? Would he THINK that is something that you WANT or have you shown him your practical side in the past? Maybe it never even enters his mind because he figures you might think we are already married, why do that again?
Oh, I hear you, holdingon...the blahblahblah in my post was to show that I know I'm clinging to BS --
which is why I decided today that I HAVE a new m, with or without the proposal
My clinging to the past is detrimental and hurtful to both of us...I'm moving forward with my new man!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Getting into a cycle of response or thinking..... that may or may not give you what you want or need.....and having to continually find your way THROUGH that!
The key is to be aware enough of what you are feeling at any given moment.
Then to decide, based on those feelings, what you are going to say or do next. What is the most effective thing you can do at that moment. Not tommorow or next week but right now in this moment.
It may be to do nothing. It may be to do the exact opposite of what you would have done in a similar situation.
But the big thing is: You get to decide.
You get to respond in the way that is best for you.
If you stop and listen....you not only know what HE needs but more importantly you know what YOU need.
I'm about to head out for the day -- off to school to hand in my exam. Then I'm going on mental break for 2 weeks! NO SCHOOL!
I ordered a ton of flowers/plants on line this AM -- that's gonna keep me busy this spring! I'm also conjuring up a list of home/fun/relaxation projects
Had a great weekend -- went out for an awesome dinner with h friday night. Saturday we both studied then went on a hike. Out to a movie Sat. night. Sunday he had baseball early so I went to root the team on and score the game! Came home and I finished up my exam and then we had a relaxing night. Turned in early!
H is entering BIG TIME study mode himself right now (exams over the next three weeks!) so I'm gonna use my relaxed self to create PEACE and CALM in the household
I just feel good. Focusing on the +s helps so much. also, I'm doing the KLA group and it made me realize (re-realize?) that I know so much of "what works".
Oh, yah, it's in my signature, too!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quote: Then I'm going on mental break for 2 weeks! NO SCHOOL!
Quote: I ordered a ton of flowers/plants on line this AM -- that's gonna keep me busy this spring! I'm also conjuring up a list of home/fun/relaxation projects
Oh, this is the best relaxation project!! What others do you have in mind?
Quote: so I'm gonna use my relaxed self to create PEACE and CALM in the household
Quote: Oh, this is the best relaxation project!! What others do you have in mind?
I don't know...maybe just trying to go thru room by room and de-clutter and organize. I also want to exercise more, read more, do more yoga/meditation. Maybe knit something.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
) but continuing to use it as a baseline and a projector of the future.
