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Well...about a month ago I started hanging-out in the Surviving the Big D forum. I've been pestering the women on the forum for a date, but none of them have accepted. There are a bunch of very smart, articulate and delightful women over there.

Haha, good for you Doodler 😄

So saw the W earlier during an impromptu childcare handover, she was so cold with me; it absolutely rips me in two and the confusion how we've gone from then to now just baffles me...

I appreciate that she's left me so she's never going to be over the moon to see me but ouch!

She did however buy me a poppy badge as she knows that I like them (for Remembrance Sunday), so I guess I must have been a slight thought in her mind today.

What an absolute mess!!!!

I did get a couple of extra hours with my boy which was nice and made another trip to the gym tonight.

Let's hope for a better day tomorrow, because today has been the toughest in weeks!

Had an email from the W earlier about our Son (usual stuff)....

Right at the bottom of the email was "I am glad that you are going to the gym, you have lost weight and you look well". I have been loosing weight and hitting the gym whenever I can.

I know that I COULD analyse this and maybe get some false hope from it, but all I'm really going to take from it is a compliment from someone whom I felt had become so cold.

Lifted my day after such a bad couple of days and motivated me to continue working on myself (BUT FOR ME & MY SON).

Her coldness ... is there precisely because she cared (cares?) for you and the marriage so much. She needs to be cold to you, to emotionally justify what she's doing.

It's hard to stay rock solid when the woman you love is tossing around in a storm. But I hope you keep trying.

It's a long road.

Hey RBG read through your sitch and wanted to let you know I was having a lot of the same emotions that you were talking about. Its tough and extremely hard for me to detach. I find myself spending a lot of hours thinking about my W. I am working on it and hopefully getting a little better everyday. Hope you keep working on yourself at the gym. I think that is probably one of the best things anybody can do for their sanity.

ForGump, thanks for the words. It seems at times as if the M meant nothing, but I guess your comments make sense.

I know that I've got a long road ahead and either way, I hope to be a better version of myself.

Matw, I know what you mean, every waking hour is spent thinking, analysing and over analysing. I'm even dreaming of her.

If I could stop loving her I would and detachment seems an impossible task.

Dragging myself through each day is all we can really do.

Keep your chin up mate and take your positives where ever you can get them.

Every day I find myself having to drag myself through the day and I find myself fantasizing that she'll knock on the door. I KNOW THAT SHE WONT THOUGH!

I want so much to just stop loving her and not have this pain each and every single day. How the hell do you guys move past this?....

So assuming she never comes back, youre going to do this for the rest of your life?

Id recommend finding things you enjoy doing so that you can improve your PMA and life outlook and so you can have things to look forward to.

As I said in another thread, nobody wants to reconcile with "Sad Dad".