Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Detached, getting along better, but in limbo....

Sara we are so damn similar, I swear you are my soul sister! I too am completely independent from him and pay everything, which puts me in a position where I know I don't need to worry too much about financials. But I absolutely think surfer should see a L about protecting himself. I'm not too sure how this works in U.K. Law, so definitely worth a call to your L to see how to best protect yourself. I'm totally glad I never actually got round to getting his name added to my bank account!

I like Sara's suggestion as viewing them as not mentally healthy, I know my wh is depressed. I also know the constant mood swings are just a reflection of his own chaos and have nothing to do with me. And I also don't rise to the bait. Sometimes when he comes at me angry, I give him a hold up, if you're going to shout at me, we will wait and resume this convo when you're calmer. He usually stops dead in his track that I stand up to him and usually changes his tone. Or even worse, they try to pick an arguement, and you validate. A little bit of detachment truly helps you to achieve this without emotions

Lots of great input. Thank you all.

Just got to do the kids packed lunches for school and get them dressed and dropped, then a client breakfast and gym. My head should be straight then and I can progress with the rest of the day - which of course will include responding to you kind people.

Thank you.

Surfer.

Super dad! I'm so proud of what you do. It's totally admirable, your w is a fool no doubt!

Have a great day!

AndyP, LT, Cherry.

Thank you for your helpful and kind words.

I am in pondering mode. Saw W briefly between doing things. She picked something up for the kids. Kids are totally 'A Okay'. I am going to mull over all this advice. Thing is TBH, I don't want to rock the boat but it's really not going anywhere this and W is having too easy a ride of it all. I should be seeing her putting offers in for house and talking to me about it. I think I need to suggest she does if hats what she wants. I will tell her I don't want this but if that is where it is going we both need to face that. It's the adult way to do things. Still pondering though.

Thanks again.

Surfer.

Thanks PsySara

Are you a psychologist? Psy - medical school.....

TBH. It's a hard one. Guys usually dominate financials, not always. They pull the rug and the wife is screwed. I don't condone this - just walking and not paying what's fair. I know that my W could go for an awful lot of money and a healthy monthly sum.

I wont avoid what is fair. Walking and leaving them is wrong. But even if I pay what is fair she will struggle comparatively. However, I will pick up the pieces for the kids and pay for lovely holidays, treats, clothes etc.

We will see.

Surfer.

Betterm

Thanks for the note. No D is not filed. If I file I can commence what you suggest. However, it's not my journey. I have told D8 that I would not D mummy. I want them to see my morals. If that costs me £35k or so, then so be it, I can earn that again. I can't undo bad morals learned by my kids so readily.

I will have to ponder. So if I can get her to jog on with her journey.

Surfer.

I don't think you would have to file, just more of a seperation agreement. I'd speak with a L first and explain you don't want to file but you were wondering how you could protect your assets. I totally get what you mean about rocking the boat, but it is quite important to protect yourself. She's shown herself to be quite unreliable financial wise frittering away money and the unpaid parking ticket you kept getting through.

I think it's admirable that you don't want to leave her high and dry. My wh hasn't took a moment to think about me or S.

Thanks Cherry. I just think it's the right thing to do. However, in contrast I am wall thinking about going on a date or two. Not sure yet. This could be seen as the wrong thing but I am just thinking, perhaps I might get that last bit of my mojo back. I am not talking about anything other thank drinks, dinner - something that I will look back and think, "see you are a catch". If that happens LoL.

Not sure will mull it over.

Surfer.

Make sure you have a good think about wherever that is what you want. Although you think it might be innocent, just think of that other person and of course your own thoughts. It could potentially send you in to a further spin, or confuse you. Again, this is just my own thoughts, and could just be because I know I'm in no way ready to even entertain the idea of dating anyone right now.

Cherry

You are absolutely right of course I am thinking the same don't fret. I do need to move on though as I am in limbo. Married but not, in a relationship but not, getting formalised custody but not, financially independent but not, it's like I am hanging there with no control. I could move the D forward myself of course but something needs to give at some point.

Got more a formal action notice through on Ws £500 parking fine on Friday. Handed it to her when picking up the kids.

I just don't like this lack of structure to life. It's starting to really frustrate me at times. I can't move on yet can move back.

Surfer.