I've come a long way with still some to go. But I'm getting there.
Tad
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Tadpole, Try to meditate and try to reach to your ex wife and send her love and positive energy and ask her to come back because you really love her and because it's best for the kids. Do it everyday and after a month tell me if you see changes. Hugs
Hi Cld glad you are back. I know its hard seeing your wife doing and acting in ways you never would of imagined. It's good you are reading up on MLC and WAW. The more you know and understand why your wife is in this crisis the better. Sadly we start to think they are broken. We should just get out of their way and let the crisis pass. Hopefully she grows from this and comes to realize what she has done.
I still get the impression you are looking for a quick pass. Her being nice to you and giving you more chances to see the kids is great. It's no way a start to you reconnecting.
I feel your pain. I hope those who you have upset here still come to support you. You, yourself are in your won crisis and are hard heading in taking advice. If the advice doesn't fit what you are looking for let it slide. It may help someone else reading your sitch.
Of all the sitches ive read. Yours is getting the top vets. Don't disrespect that.
Its your time to grow and make yourself a better person. Your wife, your thoughts about her, your hopes need to be put on a shelf somewhere until and if she is ready.
cheers friend Irish
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
Things are improving. She let me video chat with the kids 3 days in a row so far. She said that she will allow the kids to Skype with me whenever they want and she told the kids that "she wants to do things with me" and that "she doesn't want another man". I keep sending her positive energy every night when I meditate and I turned on ACCEPTANCE, I will accept whatever she decides to do and live with that and GRATITUDE, I am thankful to her for causing me pain that way allowing me to improve myself and become a better person.
I'm glad that your xw continues to allow the children to video chat w/you. As for her telling the children that she wants to do things w/you that may be her way of alleviating any anxiety that they children may have about the situation. However, I continue to find it disturbing that if she is telling them that she doesn't want another man, that should be not something she discusses w/the children, just as I advised you not to discuss it w/them. They are children under the age of 8 and whatever is taking place between you and your xw should remain w/the two of you. The only concern that right now that you both should have is making sure that you both co-parent successfully and be supportive of the children. The children should not be used as pawns w/ bringing and carrying messages back and forth between you and your xw. That's not good.
For now, keep the conversations you have w/your children on them and about them. Relationship talks about you and your xw should not be discussed w/them. The only thing you need to tell them is that both of you love them very deeply and will always be there for them. They need to be reassured that you both are going to be there for them.
Continue to have patience, give her space and time. Continue to work on you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Things are improving. She let me video chat with the kids 3 days in a row so far. She said that she will allow the kids to Skype with me whenever they want and she told the kids that "she wants to do things with me" and that "she doesn't want another man". I keep sending her positive energy every night when I meditate and I turned on ACCEPTANCE, I will accept whatever she decides to do and live with that and GRATITUDE, I am thankful to her for causing me pain that way allowing me to improve myself and become a better person.
I think that it is great that you are holding her close in your heart and mind...
I think it is great that you seem to love her with all that you have...
Please understand though, that if you give her everything that YOU have, there may not be enough left of you, down the road...
Please understand that your interactions of late, have been about the kids, and that IS to your advantage.
They don't include the relationship at all...
And that is okay...for now
Continue to build on those positive experiences without pressuring her...
And as DB says....
Do what works.
Monitor the results, and see if you are moving closer, or further away from your goals...
As Tad has indicated in his signature line, he has been divorced since 2011 and his xw remarried in 2013. As for the kids, they are grown men working and living their own lives now. It is up to his sons to decide whether to have a relationship w/their mother or not. It's not Tad's responsibility to build a bridge of communication between his sons and his xw. If anyone should be building that bridge, it should be his xw. She left them.
Tad has had a very difficult journey and continues to have good and bad days. He is doing the best he can for himself and right now, he's got enough on his plate just taking care of himself. As for reconciling, this may or may not ever take place...but that will be up to Tad if this situation should ever present itself to him. However, I do not think it's Tad's place to ask her to come back, i.e., she walked and if she wants back, she would have to earn his trust and respect and I don't see that happening any time soon.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
