Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Papers are filed, here comes the D. Focus on me

Lol! I don't know why but this made me laugh! Im currently watching mindless tv. A Spanish soap opera...perhaps I should paint my nails?

The more stories I read the more worried I become. The less I initiate the less my W initiates. She's almost mirroring my behavior.

Cherry I don't know that I've commented on your thread but I do read it. I'm like a little spy. And I just want to say your strength is inspiring. You have so much on your plate and you're handling it well! Keep on moving forward, you're doing great!
-cheesyt

The tricky think here, I find, is you expect "yes/no" but again, they give "a huge response". At this stage I am thinking "please shut up, your opinion on this is self absorbed and it's really hard to listen to, also I have my own". I am not sure what the point is in their behaviour, perhaps it's mine - I can be very impatient. I try not to be. Do you get this? If you do has your WW always been the type that needs to be told she is right etc?..

You and PsySara discuss questioning if piecing is possible. Surely at the stage that you decide it 'won't happen', as you have checked out, is game over? IDK?

I don't like to think of that being the potential case but clearly anything is possible. Literally.

Surfer.

This seems common. My W does this too. I also don't see a massive success rate on this forum I must admit. It's all great in theory, but in practice, someone said it's more a forum to help people cope with S or D in many ways. That definitely worries me.

Surfer.

Cheesyt, my life feels like a telenovela right now! Glad I gave you a laugh. And thanks for the praise, I'm trying to keep steady, show him what he's loosing is an added bonus!

So wh has been trying to be closer to me. Today he told me he's starting to question if he's doing the right thing and feels he has a problem in himself. I listened and validated. Shall keep my distance and keep cautiously optimistic. This could be a temp check

Cheesyt, I was in adilinlar position for a good while. It's only since I started detaching even more and letting go of me that he's become the persuer. Sometimes it takes time.

Hey Cherry and Cheeyst...I feel the same way sometimes but you have been at this a long time Cherry and maybe this is just a temp check or maybe he is coming around...who knows...you are doing a great job though!! You also made me laugh with your painting your fingernails! Thanks for being up beat! Haha...hand in there Cheeyst!!!

Wow Cherry, that's a huge admission for your H to make! Might be temp checking but who cares at least he is talking...

Coly your right. And the most stubborn person I know, who will never admit he is wrong is something. So it's definitely something and he has become the persuer. It's not going to change my behaviours though. I'll let him chase until he potentially catches me.

Hawker, I think I have a slightly warped humour, I try to find the humour in things. Just imagine me sat there filing my nails giving it the "mmm hmmm"

Cherry,

You turn round and take my as piecing now and the pattern you have seen before is likely to repeat. It's not until you hear him talk you through his failings and the you he is committed to change (failings and change you agree with and accept to be sufficient) that you can really have joint goals for him. You will need joint goals for you too. You both will need to buy into these and work together on this.

Obviously, he has no talked through his failings properly yet. Also you reconciled after the last PA - yet it happened again. You seem to be someone that is smart enough to learn from previous mistakes so just do what you are doing. Be kind, validate and stay detached. Don't let any manipulation take place, that includes intimacy that is too soon. Not sure when is good to relent on this but I'm sure there's plenty of advice on here on that.

Surfer.

Apologies - fat thumbs and a phone....

"Take this as piecing now and..."