Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Keep Wearing Wedding Band? [Thread #4]

I could probably do it... but haven't really felt the desire, to be honest. I'm on the precipice of losing 50% of my time w/ the kids, and I work FT already so I'm not itching to see even less of them. But maybe it'd be good for me. I don't know.

I have some work trips coming up, so I'll be away for several days on my own in a different city. Those are fairly relaxing for me.

I hear you. It gets tiring. I keep my son 90% of the time, and so many days I inadvertently take a power nap at the same time he falls asleep. I love it, but being on from 6AM to around 9PM with no help for 6 days is tough.
I don't have much time or energy to go out, but I do make time to cook a new recipe weekly.

You're doing well. Let her do the lifting, it's no your cross to bear!

Sounds ideal. Why not stretch it out by half a day or a day and fit a bit of sight seeing in. Gumbo style

Surfer.

Journaling and Mind Reading:

Over all a good weekend. Took the kids to the beach on Sat with some friends, had a great time. Even took about an hour to be out in the water by myself, which felt magical and therapeutic. Don't know what MLC-WW did the whole day while we were gone, didn't ask.

Now for the mind reading part of the program: I noticed yesterday that she offered to make a plate of breakfast for me while doing the same for our son. And says I should take a nap (because I'd been up very late working to meet a deadline). What??? She's thinking about me now? But then in the afternoon she mentions that I should check out this sports-related Meetup group. That stabbed me in the heart, because we have a friend who divorced and eventually met someone great through Meetup, and, prior to all our recent marriage problems, she (my W) has mentioned many times in conversations with people how Meetup is a better way for single people to meet than online dating websites. I left the room immediately because I just could not stand being there.

But this morning when discussing after-school activities for our son, she says we need to have dinner together as a family more often, because some of the after-school activities are getting in the way. She also mentions how we need to go live in a developing country for a while so that our teenage D can see how ridiculously spoiled and self-obsessed Americans are. These are the first mentions of staying together as a family and future-talk I've heard in months.

When you're sitting out past the breakers waiting for waves, it feels like you're fairly stationary, but after a while you realize how much you've been pulled along by the current. You can see this clearly when you surf near a cliff or rocks -- you see yourself moving respect to a landmark. Not only do you realize that you're being pulled along slowly by a current, you also realize that with every surge of wave, you're washing back and forth, even if the patch of water you're on is flat and smooth, and the waves themselves aren't breaking on top of you.

My brain is in overdrive trying to mind read, but I realize it's futile. I'm adrift and don't know which way the current is flowing. My heart wants to feel hope, but I can imagine my MLC-WW simply making a new effort to divorce me in a different way.

It's like what you-all say. I can only control what I can control: me. Someone going through MLC with the baggage of lifelong psychological issues isn't going to get to a healthy place overnight.

ForGump - keep the clean boxers on. My W would go through phases where everything looked normal too.

The "future talk" though - if she was serious about it may well be positive. I never got any of that, just the sad "you're a moron" look whenever I talked about anything in a future that had an "us".

Sometimes the waves drop trash on the beach, other times they sweep the beach clean.

Clean boxers every day, AndrewP. Sick of being on edge, but I guess that's why it's a fight.

I can't believe what a fricken fight it is every day. I can't believe the animal instinct I have for her. Is it just an illusion? Once I move on, I'll forget? I know I will. Just doesn't feel true at this point. Just rip off that bandaid. Except the bandaid feels like it'll rip the heart out at the same time. Maybe easier once I'm not bathed in her pheromones every day. Maybe there's a way to just turn off my male brain. Thus why I like the night, to just fall asleep and be free.

The small uptick in her warmth feels good in the moment, then my mind reels and I become afraid of all the possibilities.

Clean boxers on. Expecting the worst BD: to be served. Or is there something even worse. Yeah, probably.

I can talk BD and give myself all the peptalk til the cows come home but when actual BD's happen ... they are crushing. Hit by a ten ton boulder, and you float away from your crushed self.

I know, I know ... BD, be strong, fight, etc... for me it's no fight. It's just ... endure.

Oh Gump, your spidey senses have been right in the past re another BD. I just hope they are broken this time and picking up seagull noise!!

I appreciate your chirp, Coly.

I have no confidence in my ability to mind read.

Weird to go from feeling like your marriage is something you believe in unconditionally, something permanent ... to have it be an unknown black creature, some capricious thing that will turn and bite you and tear you to pieces.

I've given up mind reading - moods come and go, some days I get polite some days I get complete coldness... she picked us up from the airport a few months ago and the whole way home she's talking about what investments we should make and I just think to myself not right now. I avoid this future talk now I don't think she's accepted reality of the situation or if she has she's got her own warped view of what the future looks like (living alone/w OM but still reaping some of the benefits of marriage)

Definitely take some time for yourself, I've found it rewarding although I can see why you'd want to spend the time with your kids. I'm on the higher percentage (70%+) so when I get the chance to take a day here or there I grab it - and she's generally been accommodating unless she has previous plans.

Can you see if you can swap out another day to give you a few days in a row?

BTW Ring still on or off? I've taken mine off for short periods but keep putting it back on - feel naked/weird without it. She hasn't worn hers for over a year :-(