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Yep you're so right. I think we do prefer to water it down to an ea but an a is an a. And we all know where ea's lead to. Skank is a 20 year old child living at home, in her culture- there would be no way he could have sleepovers there, so if he is sleeping with her, I don't know (or want to) how or where.

My mil tells me he was sat outside in his car from about 2, on the driveway. Then he came in about 5/6. Just crazy behaviour! That's all I can say.

Relieved everything is ok with the little one Cherry but not a nice experience to go through alone.

It's good you have friends to get you out of the house. WH really does sound weird sitting in his car for 3-4 hours!

Blu has given you one hell of 2x4 here.....



....and here.

Let him get out of the house. Don't engage with the temp checking. Him flirting and talking about houses. He's trying to get a reaction. Don't give him one at all. Just.....walk away.

He's trying to draw you in. He's checking to see if you still care, trying to get you into an arguement or trying to reel you in. All of which will help him but not you at all. Stay firm, don't succumb to any of it.

He is leaving, you will be staying in the home with your babies. Will your MIL stay, that would be good for now at least? What about going forward, these are things to focus on. Life without H. Yes, it may all work out, but it is not going to unless what Blu says happens - you do need to drop the rope a little more as there is still quite a bit of hope there (I understand I have this a little too). If you go straight to piecing now, it will fail again. Don't. Let him go and plan for the future. Plan for a life you can be happy with without you H and let the alternative happen, if it does great. Sorry this all sounds a bit hard - I hope it's not hard to read, but it is true.

I have been thinking about GALing too. The walk is perfect. Coffee etc. I get what was being said about nails etc but keep doing that. That is just a bonus for you. It makes you feel nice. I think the point was, are you getting out to do the things you always wanted to do? Things like this will help with your self confidence. BTW I also used to hate doing presentations. You just keep going and you start to like it. Confidence is contagious and you can catch it from yourself 'by acting as if'. Try it.

There will be lots to do with your baby on the way and being a mum on your own with 2 little ones will keep you busy. Is your MIL fit enough to look after both whilst you go out for a meal or drinks with friends? You could even go to a class (macrame or something you have always wanted to do). How are you going to get adult time for YOU? No need to post back on this stuff it's just food for thought.

I want to end on a really positive note. You are doing brilliantly. He is floundering around trying to grasp on let him struggle a little more. Don't help him. I know it's tempting. Don't. If you help him your chances of success will be dashed. Those times when he looks mixed up and you want to help him, this is when it is working. All that hard work. He's getting troubled by his actions. What you are doing is working but you really must follow Blu's advice.

I hope you next post is clear in your understanding of what comes next and I hope you have had a lovely day with your S and your friend.

Surfer.

I'm starting to not like the character attacks, name calling, and overall hostility on this thread.

When something hurts I understand you have to get it out of your system, and that is one of the purposes we have this forum, for those going through situations and that are patient with us as we have to dump and ask for support. And there is no one on these forums that is more put off by the choice to walk away from a marriage. Yet we don't get to control their behavior, we just control our reaction to it, and allowing the dialog to turn into a series of eye rolls, spew, and cutting remarks isn't going to help anyone find inner peace, and certainly not going to help save a marriage.

Cherry, it stinks what WAH is doing. And it makes sense that you feel a lot of anger towards him. You have so much resentment that all he has to do is look at you wrong and you blow up. This isn't appropriate or a good habit to start. And it darn sure isn't going to make him feel safe, or that he's missing anything. What happened to detaching and focusing on your own behavior? How many times have you criticized WAH in your last thread, versus how many times you have reflected on your mistakes during your M and talked about your 180s?

And some of this criticism I take personally. I was not a baby guy. I didn't really connect with my children until they were much older. As they turned 7, and I could read to them, and talk with them, and really explore the world together, that's when it started to take for me. Now it's years later and I'm an AWESOME dad, and we have an AWESOME relationship. And I have years ahead of me with them living in my home, and hopefully many years beyond that as adults to continue. This was my journey, I'm doing just fine and am quite at peace, and anyone that attacks me seems to me to be struggling to mange through their own emotions.

Cherry, this isn't all about you or all about this thread, it's something that I've seen a lot of and I just needed to call it out. I'm not here to tell you not to post any more spew about WAH, because you do need a place to confide with friends. Just be aware of what you're writing. If WAH found it, would he feel profoundly moved by the deep, underlying spiritual love you held through him in his darkest hour? Or would he feel as betrayed as you do, and relieved he cut bait?

Apologies Cherry if I said anything untoward about your H. I just thought it was weird to be sitting outside your house for so many hours, not really the actions of someone who is thinking rationally...

Zeus,

Personally, I didn't read this as a hostile thread but I get the name calling etc points and the point you make about this being personal to you. Fair points. The point you make about whether any of this is going to help save a marriage is important too. It's a tricky sitch for us all in this forum, but, ultimately, it is protected and private as a forum. I guess it gives some freedom to express in an appropriate way for the venue. Afterall, a lot of this is dealing with very raw emotion so it does not spill elsewhere and cause more damage to a M, children etc.

I think we all need to be mindful of showing respect. Emotions - they are tricky. There is no doubt.

You are right. Some dads do connect more as children grow and I have rarely seen a mothers bond weaker than a fathers particularly in the very young baby stages. As my S and D grow I find there is more of a bond as I don't mind having my daughter do my hair (what's left of it) and I enjoy building things with my S. We all like swimming etc. When they were very small, swimming was a bit less fun so the bond was less. Perhaps that's part of it. You connect more as you e joy more together.

Just thoughts.

Surfer.

Surfer, thanks for the pointers. It's a tricky situation, I know that blus tough love works, but there's also the db-ing of being firm, protecting yourself but still being polite. I personally see that working more. I understand that my wh is going through with this, and he's moving in the next few weeks. But I do see better results from him when he sees me distant but polite, and getting on with my own thing, not giving too much away to him about my life or what I am up to. I think if I stand a chance at getting him to realise what a mistake he is making, then I need to be more like I was when we met, strong, independent, mysterious but not rude. I am seeing him looking a bit more down, and I feel this is because my attitude has kinda changed, he's seen me busying and getting on with things. I get what you mean by the planning for a life without him, and that's where I'm at now. I know everything is going through, so i understand that my only option now is to make sure that I am going to be okay either way.

I do find myself quite often kind of acting a part when it comes to presentations, but I also volunteer to do more so in conquering the fear of public speaking.

Zeus, I am sorry if any of my posts have offended you. Like surfer says, right or wrong I use this as a safe place to vent my anger. I do not blow up at wh at all. No matter how hard he pushes me, I either stay strong and firm, or if it's heated, I walk away and say we would deal with it when less emotional. By being calmer, I have noticed he is now mirroring my behaviour and is calmer towards me, even to the point of making general conversation. I think there is two schools of thought with a wayward between being strong and firm with a little anger, to approaching calmer with a strong sense of person. I'd like to think I'm the latter. I actually get told off at times for being too calm with him. My goal is protecting myself and preparing for my future but more from a lighthouse perspective. I even stopped his mum trashing his room and put it back together, I think some lbs would have left her be, or even done it themselves.

I'm also sorry re the parenting thing. My last pregnancy and the first 6 months, he was AMAZING so hands on, he loves babies, and nothing brought him more joy than having his own. Even on the occasions now when he looks after s, he can be great. Takes him to the park with a football. I just hate when he makes plans to look after s and bails, or when he blanks s, I just don't see that as right.

I get what you mean by what would he see if he read this. He probably would be hurt, but then so may all our spouses, I guess we come here in our own crisis and fog and try our best to get grounded. It's took me a while, but I no longer feel as much anger, I've accepted it's happening and my plan is on moving forward and protecting my children. There is just certain pressure points that get me, and that is usually where letting my son down comes to play. As hard as their crisis breaks your heart, nothing breaks your heart quite as much to your child waking in the night saying "daddy's gone" and he's still out and I have to try my best to calm him .

I do agree with surfers point of it being our safe place to vent to make sure it doesn't spill over to children, or the wayward. Sometimes if I feel angry, I journal it and let it go. But believe me I'm working on me and where I think I have contributed to my m. I'm aware reading some of these posts, I may come across as some screaming banshee but that's just me letting it out, so I don't say things out loud or bottle it up.

But I am sorry to you and to anyone else if offence has been caused, that isn't my aim. I'm just releasing a little valve.

Hello Miss Cherry! I think that this should be your safe space to vent as you please. The rest of us should be a bit more circumspect, probably, as he is still your spouse, not ours, but you should be able to say whatever you want here.

I am sorry that you had to go to the hospital alone again, but very glad that it turned out well. Lean on everyone around you right now. I hope that you have someone who can go with you if there are any further trips to the hospital.

I liked hearing that out were out and about doing some GAL activities, despite the continued morning sickness. You are one resilient woman. Simple nausea can have me curled up in a corner, never mind the kind that lasts and lasts!

((((((((((Cherry and baby and son))))))))))

You didn't offend Zeus.

Thanks phoebe. I'm determined not to let it stop me from doing things. And in the fresh air kinda helps. Was nice to walk, cut, take in the nature.

Afterwards I had people say I should have called them, maybe I should have really. I sat and read Cosmo. And had an awkward cervical examination ( dignity goes out of the window in pregnancy, everyone seems to take a glance).

When I came home wh was just sat outside in his car. Mind reading but I think he was avoiding me for fear I would question him about last night as he said he would collect me, but didn't answer my message telling him how I got on (as requested) and that I was done. So I flipped a 180 on him and was fine. Tbh, I was. I have zero expectations of him or that he would follow through with any actions.

Evening time, a pamper for me. I leave him be. Let him ride out his own emotions. Soon he won't be here so I won't have a clue what's going on. But we are on seperate journeys.