Thank you all for the advise, and thank you blu for the 2*4 with rusty nails!! I know what you say is right. I do, and I am getting there with this, my mentality is somewhat better from a week or two ago and certainly from a month or two ago!
He is going, in the next few weeks. Today when he was looking at places and asked my opinion, I would not engage with that- as its his decision to break the family, I'm not going to support it.
I guess I could have shut him down straight away, this is where I am still learning. But the fact I walked away let him know that he couldn't come running to me to fulfil that side when he has fired me as his wife. When he moves out I feel he will start to feel the full effect, his m refuses to speak to him, and s is even getting reluctant to go to him.
Wrt to the ow, I still don't know for sure if this is a pa. he says it's nothing but I don't believe that, and I know I can't take his word for sh!t.
Men do not go to the affair partner's house late at night to play board games. This is exactly what a PA is. It may also be the reason he is pushing for D and has been stating that he is moving out--in his delusional mind it justifies the guilt. "It's not an A because I told her I wanted D, because I told her I was leaving." My H actually said the same script.
It hurts, but reality and accepting that reality is the only thing that will help LBS move forward, not being friendly with him in hopes that he will change his mind. He will only lose respect if you do that.
I truly think it's time to take a firm approach with him. You have already told him you don't want D. There is no reason to keep reminding him. He has made his choice and now he's gotta get out. I would love more than anything for you to stand strong and for him to think (for an extended period of time) that you are moving on without him and that you are not plan B.
-B
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
I'm thinking he is beginning to see that. I have accepted that this is happening, the papers are going through and he is leaving. I truly am accepting that this is happening and that he is no longer mine.
I do feel he is pushing for a d to ease his guilt, without a doubt. Otherwise there simply would not be any need for a rush. I'd say I'm being more civil with him mainly because while we are under the same roof, my s is seeing a lot of anger between the two of us. I know I can't nice him back, and I wouldn't want him the way he is right now. My focus right now is my s, my health and my baby. He is making a huge mistake (in my opinion) but he needs to go and figure that out for himself. I agree, when he's out- there will be no popping over for food, casual chats, nothing.
I agree a bit more strength will definitely serve me well. Right now, he's starting to look more like the pathetic one moping around. Not me. He even said today that I look as though I am dealing with things well, a comment I ignored as I felt it was a bit of a temp check to get in my mind and see how I felt a bit it all.
Last edited by Cadet; 09/09/1612:36 PM. Reason: Start a new thread message
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
