Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Cherry. H is filing and leaving. Working on me

you mean to tell me, I'm the only one with a Shrine for my WW?...interesting

Ha Cheesy!
I'll confess, I don't wash his pillowcase. And I don't sleep on that side of the bed. (rather too close to home to the joke, I see...)
But it's not a shrine, it's more of a dead zone, a no fly zone.
First time today: checkboxed "separated" on some medical forms. I'm glad it's on forms (I guess?), but I still don't even know what it means anymore.

Haha cheesyt!!! I actually don't sleep on her side of the bed either Altair...it is. Like a no fly zone.

No fly zone for now, hawker.
Maybe H will be back in the no fly zone. Or, down the line, someone else. I leave all options open to the future in my detaching, I'm just living la vida on my side of the bed as of now.

I don't doubt for even a second that he won't proceed with all of this, he's made that all quite clear that this is what he wants. On the subject of self absorbed and selfish, I really don't think he sees a problem in the way he behaves, his spews reflect that he has some self pity "you make it seem like I'm heartless" that kinda thing, I just don't think it registers to him that the way he is behaving is kinda heartless and selfish.

About side of the bed, I kinda spread out in the middle like a pregnant starfish! But it does feel lonely in there at times. I think I avoid lying on my side on purpose, I think I'd wake expecting him to be there more if I was on my side. Today is a new day, and I know I need to pick myself up and carry on.

The seperated box on forms is something I didn't realise existed. I don't even know what my title is anymore- do I have to go back to miss or ms. I don't think I want to be a ms .

G' mornen Cherry.
Lots of support and convo here at your pad.

I notice a lot of chat about the WH and what they do and think and will do and will think.......

I encourage that you read Blu' post again about the fixation on this.

I know it may seem like it is just venting and it does seem to feel good in the moment....

Healthy and productive Venting really is a short term action with returning to working at the task at hand...
When it becomes conversation and ongoing writing of it, it becomes etched more in ones mind and thoughts and reality......
This is rumination, not healthy venting and it is emotionally unhealthy.

There is a saying I use with my team at work...

Talking about and complaining about things without a solution is "bitching"
Discussing concerns about a thing and sharing possible solutions and taking action is the way of success.

Which is happening in here?

Can I challenge you to use today as a day to simply discuss what you are doing to heal.....
To progress....
To be a great mum...
To be the woman only a fool would leave...
To enjoy this lovely God given day.....
To feel at peace.

You are one strong and sassy woman and with the right focus, your spunk will launch you into success and better things than you can even imagine.

(((((Cherry)))))

You mean... no one else built a shrine...

Just kidding.

Yeah I don't get it my W seemed surprised that I had taken down our photos and replaced when with other things. What did she expect?

I feel like there is no logic behind anything they do or say. Tell me you don't want me but then be mad when I move forward... I've given up trying to get it because I think as a person who is thinking logically I will never understand and that's okay.

Also am I really the only one who has crossed into the no fly zone of the bed!!

I sleep in the dead center and pushed her pillows to the floor for my dog to use.

Lovely SH. Don't worry, this is just journaled and a spot of venting, I haven't allowed myself to think in detail of the situation. Yesterday felt like the close of a chapter and an opening of a new one. I allowed myself to truly accept the situation and that I was letting him go. I even took the step to tell my family the truth, I have been in denial and kept it a great secret. Of course they were ever so supportive. My parents are good people, there will be no projection of anger about him and their focus is on mine and my children's wellbeing. Letting go of him has allowed me to speak to him without getting too emotional either in anger or tears. I have actually had more level headed conversation with him.

As my good friend surfer advised to me, I need to let go of wh, I don't want him. And if h ever returns, well then we will talk. But in the meantime I need to keep things together.

I found MIL trashing wh's room. With some rather stern talking, I managed to get her to stop. I emphasised that this needs to be a loving and calm environment for my children, and if it can't be then I need to leave and create this. I said I would have to tell wh and they would need to talk. I asked him to call me when he got a moment. I told him I was calling him, not to stir or interfere but they need to talk their differences through. I explained to him about the emphasis on calm for the children. He said his m does not care for him, I explained that wasn't true, she was showing anger in her emotions to do that, and that she would be indifferent if she didn't care. I told him I had put everything straight in there. He thanked me for calming her and stopping her. And thanked me because as he said "if anyone should be doing that it should be you". Perhaps he is right, but I like to think of wether my actions will help, and most importantly- what kind of behaviour am I portraying to my child that is acceptable?! He told me that he had a hard busy day, I validated. Told me his evening plans, and plans for tomorrow. He told me he really appreciated that I was being sensible in this.

I think this is somewhat answering your questions SH for my day.

My plans for the day is get some paperwork together to prepare for his leave. Who I need to notify etc, changing of details, next of kin, will etc.
To be a great mum? Well I got up and put my problems to the back of my mind while I care for my child. And have fun and play, protect him from any of the craziness. And to be a woman only a fool would leave? Well I think I showed that earlier, I think many people would join in or leave Someone be whilst their stbx's stuff is trashed. I showed him that I was capable of having an adult conversation with him.

I had my day to mourn and now we move forward. I can't control him, but I can control that I don't deal with a situation in anger, I shall deal with it with some poise and grace. Anger is just bad for the soul, drinking poison and hoping for the other person to die.

Maybs, the pillows on the floor for the dog made me laugh. I'm dead centre too, plenty of space there for me and a pregnancy pillow! So glam!