So your choice right now, over the only thing that you can control today....
You choose to guide them, and show them the way through...
Sorry this is a rant, and it is part of me 'allowing myself to feel the grief' I guess.
What gets me is the one doing the leaving gets to unilaterally make life changing decisions not just for themselves but for everyone including the kids. I will always feel resentment to her for doing this to my kids. She did not even fight to keep our family in tact. and for what - as far as I can tell, she's doing this so she can rent out an apartment in a worse part of town, take on a part time job selling womens clothing on comission, and so she can go out and try to recapture the single life with her girl friends.
I should have took her seriously when she tried to tell me she was unhappy - but when I'm standing there saying 'let's work on this' - she should at least try, if not us then for the kids.
What about the f*** vows. They were for forever. They were for when things get rough, so we'd have to work things out instead of blowing up the family when someone 'feels dissatisfied' or 'wants to find themselves' whatever that means. I guess when we stood up and took those vows it was just a f*** joke to her.
Me-45, W-37, T-10 yrs, M-9 yrs D -7 yrs, S-5 yrs BD-5/3/16, D filed 6/8/16
Wife and kids moving out today, kids first day at new school district. Trying to work right now, having a hard time focusing.
I'm totally gutted, the s***s real now. It all just seems so surreal, I still don't understand why we couldn't fix this.
qt4x11,
I dreaded the day my WW moved out. I couldn't imagine being at home without my family. As it turned out, with my WW away, it helped me gain a new perspective on my situation. I stayed busy and got a lot of stuff done that I'd been putting-off for a long time. That made me feel a lot better.
I know move-out day is a terribly emotional day, but you may find a silver lining amongst all of the turmoil.
What gets me is the one doing the leaving gets to unilaterally make life changing decisions not just for themselves but for everyone including the kids. I will always feel resentment to her for doing this to my kids. She did not even fight to keep our family in tact. and for what - as far as I can tell, she's doing this so she can rent out an apartment in a worse part of town, take on a part time job selling womens clothing on comission, and so she can go out and try to recapture the single life with her girl friends.
I should have took her seriously when she tried to tell me she was unhappy - but when I'm standing there saying 'let's work on this' - she should at least try, if not us then for the kids.
What about the f*** vows. They were for forever. They were for when things get rough, so we'd have to work things out instead of blowing up the family when someone 'feels dissatisfied' or 'wants to find themselves' whatever that means. I guess when we stood up and took those vows it was just a f*** joke to her.
qt4x11,
That's the current culture right now in America. In TV single moms are praised as being strong for raising their kids and leaving their abusive husbands. In movies family fathers are always portrayed as stupid and unnecessary, see "Everybody loves Raymond". When single mom girls post pictures of themselves with their kids they get hundreds of likes on Facebook but if a girl openly praises her bf/husband she is made fun of, gets zero likes and gets shamed by family and friends. The feminist movement is to blame for all of that and the men enablers who are manginas are also contributing to all of this. If you would like to learn more subscribe to a YouTube Channel called MGTOW "Men Go Their Own Ways". Hugs, be strong my friend.
Now may not be the time to say this, QT, but she was telling you she was unhappy, you didn't take it seriously, she decides to be done trying to get you to take her seriously, then you say "let's work on this" and she is supposed to just say "sure", because you are ready?
It's just not the way it works. And maybe one day she will be ready to. You weren't ready when she was and she is not ready now that you are.
I hear ya, it does s*ck that the decision by the one person changes everyones lives, I agree.
It's easy to say how each spouse should have acted in the marriage. This is your reality right now. You can grieve, be mad, do what you need to do. And when you are ready, own your stuff, and she could own hers. Just keep going on your path.
I should have took her seriously when she tried to tell me she was unhappy - but when I'm standing there saying 'let's work on this' - she should at least try, if not us then for the kids.
I know that you are venting...
However....if they would have known the Iceberg was there...the Titanic wouldn't have sank...
You can't woulda, shoulda, coulda right now...
It does you a huge dis-service...
From this day forward...
Originally Posted By: qt4x11
What about the f*** vows. They were for forever. They were for when things get rough, so we'd have to work things out instead of blowing up the family when someone 'feels dissatisfied' or 'wants to find themselves' whatever that means. I guess when we stood up and took those vows it was just a f*** joke to her.
Now may not be the time to say this, QT, but she was telling you she was unhappy, you didn't take it seriously, she decides to be done trying to get you to take her seriously, then you say "let's work on this" and she is supposed to just say "sure", because you are ready?
YES. Because of the f*** VOWS. Because this was forever, it wasn't for 'until I get fed up and decide it would be easier to just take your money and go'. That's what the vows mean. I made a lot of mistakes in the marriage, but it would have never crossed my mind to blow everything up like this without at least going to counseling.
Yeah sorry, just venting.
Me-45, W-37, T-10 yrs, M-9 yrs D -7 yrs, S-5 yrs BD-5/3/16, D filed 6/8/16
First off, I feel for you qt. I lot of us have been right where you are and all know how bad it stinks.
Originally Posted By: qt4x11
What gets me is the one doing the leaving gets to unilaterally make life changing decisions not just for themselves but for everyone including the kids.
But this ^^^^^
Absolutely not true. Your children are just as much yours as they are hers.
Listen to Mach. Take some time for yourself today and as long as you need.
Then, when your emotions are a bit more under control, start figuring how you want to address the legal issues.
Lots of us have 50/50 custody, which in a lot of cases works out to even more as time goes on.
Chin up. Hang in there. Strength and honor.
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
