You know, you are really an exceptional mom. You always go out of your way to ease the path for your ex and his wife with your daughter, and it boggles my mind that you and he both see her together on her birthday every year. That is a wonderful gift to her.
And G, I agree that exNG is resisting you. Strikes me as strange, as you were just being friendly and sweet, and not pursuing. And while you were out scavenger hunting, he was just as weird and awkward as while you were there. I think he is just not the guy we all thought he was, not under the surface where it counts. He does not deserve you. His daughter does, poor girl, but he does not.
Did you like any of the condos you saw? How did the birthday party go?
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
Mutual friend told me that he is not being his usual outgoing self at all lately. His friend told me "you know, you were the best thing that ever happened to him" I love his little girl. I miss her. It's all these things combined that tear me up.
Thank you for the compliment for being an exceptional mom. I'm not so much lately, though. I've been running ragged for her lately with no help from you know who, and she is become less appreciative and demanding. That, piled on with my exhaustion and sadness is not leaving me with much patience.
I messed up with her summer project, well, we both did. They had to read a book and do an assignment. She dislikes reading so it was always pulling teeth and she reads not to comprehend, but to get it over with. That, on top of my school, her being at camp in the summer all day, cheerleading 3 nights a week, and her fathers every other weekend, and just keeping the house running I left more of that project in her hands than I should have and that was a bad idea. So, last night she got home super late from a baby shower she went ot with my friend (I skipped out because I had to much to do, then she proceeded to rat me out to the host of the shower and told them I was too busy to come"
All that wordieness and the point is, I pad time is gone, and I am going to have to make more of an effort to stay on top of her work. She fights me like tooth and nail and throws fits, but I have no choice.
As far as the condos, I was not thrilled and my emotions are quite mixed. It's a downgrade from what I have now and I am having a hard time getting excited about it. I really don't know if this is the decision I want to make. My budget and area are extremely limited and I just don't want to settle. I just don't know what I want to do. I want to leave state, but I don't think I can:) I really would rather purchase a house, but I know I can't due to maintenance.
I'm trying here, but I am just an overwhelmed confused woman over here.
Tomorrow is the real birthday. Preparing for my night with D and ex.
Don't buy if you're not sure. It's not a decision to be rushed into. And you really don't know what changes may lie in your near future.
As for the exBF...... Stop listening to all the stories about how he was better with you, or he's struggling to resist you. Even if he came crawling back tomorrow, DO NOT take him back!!!
The right guy for you will not be ambivalent, will not run off with another chickie if things are not convenient, would not be torn. Your childhood history sets you up for the fantasy of winning him back; don't fall for it. The right guy won't have to be won over because he will recognize what a fabulous woman you are and will NOT risk losing you.
Put him out of your mind and move forward. You deserve better and you will find it if you keep looking.
No one ever told me he's struggling to resist me. I feel like he's purposely trying. But he is succeeding to the fullest and I need to follow his suit and not care and move on. You a re right KML, I have an awful history of trying to win back men who can't love me fully. i had succeeded twice with my ex while we were dating. And my life would have been infinitely better off if I did not.
I know. My moment is over. I came back down to earth today. Thanks for helping me get back here. it was a week of a major setback by seeing him and remembering where we were a year ago. It's over, I'm done.
Back to my regularly scheduled life. Which includes me finally sitting at 10pm and my daughter turning 9 tomorrow. She insists I wake her up by screaming happy birthday and throwing tissue paper at her. Both of which I will do:)
I agree with the comments about ex NG. It is too easy to listen to friends who may tell us what we want to hear and build up a fantasy of him. But the reality is he jumped ship and straight into a new R. And presumably he's pretty happy there just now as he isn't doing anything to change that.
As for you - I would firmly leave him by the wayside and quash any of those wistful fantasies that may develop...drive on by..
Hope you and your D have a lovely birthday tomorrow xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
If you aren't sure about what you want in the way of a home or the location, don't rush into buying something that you will regret purchasing in the next six months. Take your time looking around. If you would like to move to another state, maybe it's time to sit your xh down and have a talk w/him to see if he would have a serious problem w/you doing that. You won't know until you talk to him.
As for well meaning friends, nip those conversations about the NG in the bud. I'm in agreement w/what kml posted, as well as the other posters about this particular situation. This man, as Sotto, posted, jumped ship and right into a new R and possibly never even blinked a second time. Ginger, you deserve far better than this man.
I hope that you and your D have a "Happy Birthday" celebration that will be the best one yet! Enjoy the day and take plenty of photos.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I've decided not to buy unless I am sure. My dad is actually putting a little bit of pressure on me, but who wants to buy a home and feel not excited about it? I really am so torn about moving to another state. I know I really want to. I'm done in this expensive state. But my D is where I worry. Plus getting a new job. Again. I did find this really nice condo in a different development, a little above my price range, but so gorgeous. I'm going to keep a watchful eye. It's empty which means they are probably anxious to sell. I'm going to just keep a calm eye on it.
My well meaning friends luckily don't talk much about him at all. It is great I have a friendship with them separate with them. One saw I was clearly shaken and paid me a nice compliment. I appreciate it. It really did make me feel btter at the time.
No one gives me false hope. No one even wants me to be with him the way he is. I know what he did was wrong, the opposite of love, very selfish and not what a partner should do to me. I get it. I really really do. Just a bad week thrown off a bit. I was just having a hard time facing that yet another guy could toss me aside so easily. The only difference with this one is he has me believing he loved me. My bad.
Anyways, I've decided not to mention him anymore. I'm done. He's gone. I am single, I am surviving, I am making it all work, I am doing what needs to be done.
Ginger, If I lived closer, I would come over there and give you a huge hug and take you out for a strong cup of coffee. You've just got so much going on right now and I honestly don't know how you are keeping all of the balls up in the air. But, my hat's off to you for doing so.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I think he did love you...in the way he knew how to love and that wasn't the way you needed to be loved. It's very sad but that's the risk we take when we open up our hearts. A friend of mine once said to me "love is when your f@cked up fits with some else's f@cked up and you live happily ever after" Such wisdom lol. Hang in there, we're all with you!
