Wow, this "no beard" thing is really causing a stir! I just passed a collegue in the hall, another "old fart" type like myself with a beard... in fact THIS guy plays Santa very effectively at Christmastime, with his very own, real all-white beard. He had even tried to recruit me as a "Santa-in-training" the past couple of years. He said shaving it off took 15 years off me. Nice! He also asked how my W likes it. I said "She's getting used to it...", then he asked "Has it improved your sex life?" as in "Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more...", and I said "I don't know... we'll see..." and left it at that. Like I'm gonna tell him!
Woo-hoo Tim and Mrs. Tim! Ya know, when you said last night she had gone to take a shower I was thinking to myself, "Isn't that her sex signal?" But I (like you) figured after all that painting she couldn't possibly be in the mood. Anyway, words of advice:
1) SHOWER her with her LL today (and for a few more days). Send flowers, write a love letter, or whatever else will really make her feel appreciated. In the SSM book it talks about celebrating when things ARE good. So really let her know just how special last night was for you - in HER own language. (I have, for example, been giving H lots and lots of backrubs since our interlude on Saturday a.m. - which he loves.)
Jen, just look at the title of this forum. SSM stands for Sex-Starved Marriage, and it's by Michele Weiner-Davis, the same one who's picture is plastered all over this place. It's a GREAT book - get it ASAP and read it immediately. LOTS of good advice. Read it several times... that's a must! Get H to read it too.
HH - thanks for the reminder! I'll sit down this afternoon and write a love-note to leave for W to find tomorrow... Thanks!
Hey Jen - Even if you don't think your H will read it, you should still read it. The book is divided into sections for the low-desire and high-desire spouse to read. Of course, it helps to read the whole thing no matter where your own desire level is, as it can help you look at things from your H's perspective. Even though my own H is avoiding reading the book I have found it very helpful to read it by myself. Then, maybe if you get a lot out of it, you could even mail it to him with a note: "I just finished reading this and it gave me a lot of help. I thought you might want to read it, too."
Just got off the phone with W, who is predictably talking about all her stressors... but that's just normal as long as we don't let it get out of hand. I will do whatever I can this week to ease her stress. One thing she mentioned, there's a small section in the upper hallway where the paint ran, and now it's a big mess. Looks like I've got some work to do tonight... strip it down, make it smooth, then re-paint. Not a big prob.
Good news: The AstroGlide arrived!!! Yay... no more K-Y!!!
It is wonderful to see you so happy. And because you are so happy, the last thing I want to do it pee all over your parade.
HOWEVER, just want to give you a heads up, k?
Be very careful in the next few days to hang on to your happiness because you like feeling happy, not because of anything your wife may say or do. As a happy HDer, you are going to want to continue the feeling of closeness, yes?
Well, as an LDer, your wife may need some 'space' now. She may start picking at you, she may emotionally shut you out, she may get stressed or overwhelmed, get b!tchy... whatever.
If you can keep the presence of mind NOT to take her actions personally, but to understand that she is just unconsciously living in her LDhood, your happiness will stay alive and well.
Keep the PMA. Even though she may try to sabatoge it, she will also be attracted to it in spite of herself.
Quote: Can't help myself... the theme music from the movie "Superman" has been going through my mind all afternoon... I wonder why???
LOL Tim. I usually get the theme from "Rocky" going through my head in times like this.
I like Corri's advice. We need to remember not to take it personally when our affectionate-this-weekend spouses turn back into their LD selves. I can already see it happening in H. Bummer.
