We were 2 months into in house separation when we took our family trip to the beach last week. My situation is different from yours though in many ways so it's probably not comparable. Regardless stay strong and if you decide to go, the advice abov around focusing on the kids is definitely the way to go!
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
I am so sorry. My H also suffers from depression and refuses anti-depressants. I understand his reasons, but sometimes I get angry that he risks leaving us rather than take meds.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
My WH is also depressed and angry. He's on meds but deflects and avoids counseling so far. He still talks about going. Time will tell. My point here is, the problems still exist and their journey is still their journey even with meds. Finding the right meds takes time too. I can only imagine how had it could be for our WH's to admit defeat and take the chemical or personal help. I know how difficult it was for me to accept meds to help me.
Me54 WH48 S18 D16 M 22 T 24 EA-PA-EA 2011-2015 Separated 10/14 - 06/15 BD1 02/14 BD2 05/16 BD3 08/21/16 and began drinking again Working on me and liking me again
Sleeping less than 3-4 hours per night Frequent crying Says he is numb Says he sees the world in black and white, not color Uses words like "hopeless" and "despair" to describe his emotions Very short tempered with the kids ... Lots of yelling. Erectile dysfunction.
H39, W39 T18, M16 S9, S7 EA suspected 11/15 ILYBINILWY 1/16 Counseling 1/16 - 6/16 EA confirmed 1/16, ended 1/16 H signed lease to move out 8/18/16 (day before our anniversary)
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
Any advice for how to get through the work day without bursting in to tears? I also suffer from panic attacks. I do have some meds I can take, but I don't want to be popping pills every single day, I try to hold out for a true emergency.
H39, W39 T18, M16 S9, S7 EA suspected 11/15 ILYBINILWY 1/16 Counseling 1/16 - 6/16 EA confirmed 1/16, ended 1/16 H signed lease to move out 8/18/16 (day before our anniversary)
I'd recommend going on the planned vacation. I was in a similar situation and we went on a cruise. It didn't change things, but our sons had a ton of fun and that was a very good thing. I'd do the same thing over again.
I should add, I was at my best behavior. I validated my wife and avoided conflict. It made for a pleasant cruise and I felt rested afterward.
Thanks. Yeah, I don't have any illusions about it changing things between us, so I think I'll be able to focus nicely on the children. I'm still just in shock from the suddenness of all of this. I truly believed in soulmates and I never, ever questioned our love for each other. We don't fight, never really have. This is a complete shock. I'm having a hard time finding the ground beneath my feet.
H39, W39 T18, M16 S9, S7 EA suspected 11/15 ILYBINILWY 1/16 Counseling 1/16 - 6/16 EA confirmed 1/16, ended 1/16 H signed lease to move out 8/18/16 (day before our anniversary)
Thanks. Yeah, I don't have any illusions about it changing things between us, so I think I'll be able to focus nicely on the children. I'm still just in shock from the suddenness of all of this. I truly believed in soulmates and I never, ever questioned our love for each other. We don't fight, never really have. This is a complete shock. I'm having a hard time finding the ground beneath my feet.
I bet it's a shock! At least I had some forewarning; I can't imagine what you're going through. But, don't beat yourself up over it.
Has your husband seen a doctor to get treatment for his depression?
