eg, From one English Gent to another. Don't listen to these hot headed Americans and Canadians - they don't have the stiff upper lip that we do. You've been together for 16 years unmarried and my guess is that you are still too much in love with her just to call it a day without giving it one last try. While I agree with them that you should postpone marriage for now, I think you should use the knowledge from the book and the strength of knowing you have us on your side to ask her to try the "Just do it" approach (for a trial period if necessary) where she agrees to ML once a week on a set day (for example Fridays). She may be shocked by the frequency at first but I've tried monthly in the past and it just isn't often enough to become habit forming. Be confident and if she objects ask her "What harm can it possibly do?". I know a fixed time is not romantic or spontaneous but it sets a boundary within which she should feel safe. If you cuddle in bed on a Wednesday night she knows you won't put the pressure on because it isn't Friday so she'll be happier to cuddle. On Friday she will have time to prepare, have a bath etc. (I can tell you it is very exciting on a Friday when she says "I think I'll have a bath" because you know she is preparing for you. When you ML have lots of confidence and don't use the old routine. Do things differently giving equal regard to both your pleasures. Hopefully (and this is what I am hoping for myself) after a few weeks the sex barrier will lift and other times of the week will be possible - perhaps she will even initiate it. If you marry in your present circumstances you are effectively signing a contract to live the way you are now. SD - Just doing it.
Hotheaded Americans and Canadians? Balderdash! Stick THIS in your steak and kidney pie and eat it, SD.
Oh, and, by the way, your advice to your fellow Briton is wrong, too. Except for the fact that, if she agrees to try it, he'll at least be getting sex once a week.
Hairdog, who's proud to be an American, except for that whole embarrassing President thing.
I won't do what everybody else is doing and tell you not to go through with the wedding. But what I will tell you is that you damn sure better get this sorted out before you go through with it. Of course you know that though. Everyone here is right . . . it will only get worse once you are married. At that point, there is no longer any motivation for her to do anything at all. I mean, after the vows, she's got what she really wanted right? There's no longer any carrot for you to hold out to get the mule moving.
It seems to me that you are in a very very good position to make it clear that this is a deal breaker for you. And believe me, if you get married now, you will eventually realize that this was indeed a deal breaker. The misery you feel now will multiply tenfold a few years from now.
You've already invested alot of time in this relationship. So has she. If you convey to her that this is a huge issue for you and she dismisses it then you've got a woman who is obviously not going to value your happiness above her own.
Why do I have this yearning for hairdog to be successful at something other that insulting Brits (OK, so we charged you too much tax for tea). I have some ideas but I won't tell him what they are unless he asks nicely. SD
I want to be successful at being able to say, "I used to have a SSM, but then my wife decided one day that she loved to ML with me." Other than that, I'm happy and, I think, fairly successful in life. Especially with my ability to get a rise out of you, SD.
Sorry for messing around on your thread english_gent. I know you're new here and it is a serious subject but you will get to really like the guys on this forum as they do cheer you up and keep you going. SD who's nowhere near as clever as hairdog but at least he's getting some...
