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It's interesting reading about your W's with your kids, while my W is a working mom - she has never had a strong relationship with D and finds it contentious most of the time. So I think her leaving is part to escape that and part to escape me...

Meanwhile I've got a great relationship with D and I've used this time to make it all that much more stronger - it's a gift in a way from my W and there are no expectations on what she'll do vs. what I'll do. I know when I'm with D she's 100% my responsibility and I'm fortunate enough to have her 70% of the time.

I have similar feelings and think my own adjustment won't be difficult, but I also know it would be tough on my son.

Had a coaching session today and they said that I sound too focused on WW and OM. This then affects my mood, actions, and aura. We all think we know that we are supposed to focus on ourselves but it's hard when you are facilitating emotional abuse. Gonna try though.

Any thoughts Sandi?

Unfortunately time is one of the best strategies here.... and avoiding snooping, every time I fall into that trap my mental/emotions reset.

As time passes you do tend to focus more on yourself and less on W and OM, look to your S - that's one of my best outlets, trying to figure out how to be the best Dad possible.

Ask yourself what can you possibly gain by focusing on W and OM other than hurt feelings and anger... knowing more will only hurt you more. There will come a time and place for the truth to come out if your W chooses to come back, and if she doesn't you can move on without having the increased pain that focusing on them will create.

I kind of had that realization a while back but its so easy to fall back into that trap as I find myself now researching MLC that I think she's in.

Thanks for the supportive words paclove!

I did everything wrong before DBing, I snooped, obsessed and became extremely insecure and demanded WH's every move. It did not cool the relationship between WH and OW but rather appeared to make her forbidden fruit and thus more desirable. So I started filling my schedule up to the eyeballs with GAL activities. I returned to my more confident self, with occasional slip of ruminating and obsessing. But after learning some mindfulness techniques and finding distractions I definitely became more confident and focused on myself. This had the effect of helping me emotionally and strangely enough, making me more desirable to WH.

Sara,

Thanks for sharing. I am so happy to see that sticking to the plan has worked for you. It's very encouraging. Can you speak to the mindfulness techniques that you like?

I've been working on REALLY not thinking about ww's behavior and OM and I think it helps. I thought I knew the concept but wasn't doing it. Thanks again Sara.

Ww's resentment of me seems to be growing. Her focus is on how I'm not looking out for her and sees it in all sorts of things that I don't do for her. Interesting considering what she did, right? The fact that she remains in contact with OM is of course irrelevant. On Friday it was about not doing enough around the house. Saturday was that I didn't get her up when she needed to. I won't even say what yesterday's thing was. I don't see how being friendly really helps here.

I have one more coaching session left. The message has been to be friendly and patient. I don't think the issue is patience when it appears that the boat is sinking...

Had cbt session today. Have been going a while to deal with anxiety, which only increases with the crap we are going through. The breathing exercises seem to help. My therapist suggested the calm app which I already had but never used. Interestingly my Ww had me get it to help manage our son's tantrums.