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Elly, I remember you too and I'm glad you have chosen to return. People on this site do provide a safe harbour for each other when seas are stormy, and I hope you will make the most of that. The forum is open 24/7 and someone is always here to talk.

It sounds like it has been a tough period of time and that has taken it's toll. It's good that you are seeking support and I hope you will see that this too shall pass and sunnier times are ahead.

Do keep on posting my friend and welcome back. Xx

Thanks everyone! I'm actually off for my first GAL in I don't know how long. Camping for the weekend. Hopefully I can just relax and put aside my angst.

Elly

Had a wonderful time camping this weekend and mostly was able to put away everything else. And, I got a job!!! Much, much lower pay, but still better than nothing.

I'm going to need some serious help dealing with my walk away H. I want my interactions to be good with him, but it seems like he's a Jekyll and Hyde character. He will start off a call happy and relaxed and then rapidly morphs into sullen and withdrawn. I majorly screwed up tonight because after we went to a meeting for our s, I told my H that I missed him. I need to go back to reading.

I'm not sure our M can be saved, but I want to keep things amicable because of our S. I just feel like I irritate him every time I open my mouth.

In your first post back here, you were saddened by the deterioration of your friendship with H. I wanted to say it then but honestly you do not want to be his friend. Do not settle or accept that role.

That being said it is in everyone's interest that things are amicable. I think long term it will serve you well to really differentiate between being friends and being friendly.

As for your M being saved. Who knows what the future holds, but for now that is not the situation. It could happen but is unlikely in the near future. So park that for the moment and cross that bridge if it comes up later.

I am no expert but I like the jekyl and Hyde mood swings. Yes surely it is a pain to deal with. But it shows conflict within H. That beats 100% hyde. Plus sullen and withdrawn indicate it is more about him than you. Otherwise it would be directed at you in anger or resentment. This is speculation of course but what us sure is that you need to be you regardless of how he is.

Do not let him being sullen affect you so much. His moods seem.to dictate yours.

You think you irritate him.with each interaction. Maybe he does get irritated each time ye talk, but that does not mean it is your fault. He gets irritated. You do not irritate.Analyse your interactions and I am sure you can see that. If not minimise whatever you are doing that irritates him as long as it is reasonable to do so.

I am glad you recognise stating you missed him being a mistake.

Congratulations for finding a job.

Thanks Roiste for your feedback. I do have a tendency to let his moods dictate mine, and am in the process of reading CDNM yet again.

I guess I didn't see his mood swings as a positive thing, but conflict for him is good. It's so hard to separate friendly versus friend after so many years together, but I will work on it.

Talk more tonight as I have to go to work.

Thanks again,
E

Hi E, i am glad you are back.

i was playing with the mutt in the backyard the other day and was thinking about you running agility training with your dog. how has that all been going?

I am glad you found a new job, i recall you were excited about the last one. things can change so fast one way or another, so keeping yourself moving forward...growing...building...is a good thing.

i know that you have been through soooooo much this past 2 years, i hope you can find some time to really be gentle to you and maybe a little pampering...rekindle that love affair within yourself...what do you think?

Hi Zephyr! I missed talking with you. Agility is going well. My dog will be competing in September, and I am now teaching three levels a week to other people.

I think I'm a bit sick of change, but I know what you mean. I feel like I'm back in minute to minute survival mode lately. I'm forgetting things and feeling just generally discombobulated a lot.

I had been hoping last night to relax and maybe read a senseless book, but my sister call with a crisis of hers and so I ended up going to bed late again.

I think the first thing I need to do is making sure I'm following my self care steps. Like eating three meals and getting enough sleep. If I can start putting myself on a schedule, then maybe I'll regulate better.

Sound like a good first step?

I'm glad you had a great trip and congrats on the job. I think they are a good step to working on you.

I must admit, even with the constant nausea, I'm forcing myself to eat regularly. This is because now my thoughts are chanelled upon my unborn baby, but I think it's a good step to take. Self care is a really great start. Eat regularly, exercise. Get a new hair cut, frequently have a mani or give yourself one. Absolutely anything that shows a bit of love towards yourself.

I must admit, I hadn't really thought about h's mood swings a positive, but it really is. Talking to my h last night made me see how withdrawn and depressed he was, it was all over his body language. And as much as he says it is because he feels trapped, I don't think it is- he's going through some kind of chaos.

Cherry, exactly! I can tell he's depressed and stuck. I just need to remind myself that it's not my job to fix that.

So, I got through my first week of work. My H sent me a text out of the blue today about a neat house he saw and how much it reminded him of something else. I responded politely with, "that must of been neat." and since then silence. Is that okay? I'm not sending him texts, but I should respond to his, right?

E