Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers I write too much...

I should update this a little. The other day I went and opened a new bank account at the advice of my parents and a close friend. I pulled out most of the remaining adoption stipend and put it in the account to keep safe. I did this because I cannot trust her or her judgement right now. I am afraid she will clean out the account to make a deposit on an apartment or something else.

This caused her to blow up and want a divorce. I kind of knew that would all happen. Later in the day, he brother talked her down from the ledge and we agreed on legal separation. She asked me to write up a proposal of terms. So I went and spoke with an attorney and hashed it out with her. I came home to talk to my wife and we came up with an agreement. She cried many times but remained firm in her decision to leave. She complains about not having any money, but it is hard to feel sorry for her since she has created this situation when it could have been worked out.

We have gone back and forth on the house having no equity or at least after a refi or sale any equity would get wiped out since I only bought the house a year ago.

Yesterday all of a sudden she asks if I am sure I want to do this and what if things work out between us? Totally unexpected. I replied telling her I didn't want any of this, but I am trying to respect her wishes and solve things peacefully.

Later in the day she gets mad and says I am pressuring her with all of this legal stuff. I told her we can wait if she needs time and doesn't know 100%. Her response to that was "well now you're just playing games".


I feel like I cannot win at all right now. I feel like she is trying to be mad at me for anything she can in order to feel justified in her actions.

I also wanted to add in that my wife says
"I need time to work on myself"

and

"I have been in relationships for 10 years straight and it has taken a toll on me"

and

"I don't know what I want right now I am very confused"


I do believe there is a MLC going on here in addition to other things. But regardless of all that, I am willing to read these books and apply the techniques and be the change I want to see.

MLC = Confusion, part of the script.

How is the homework going while you wait for the books?

Not sure what kind of homework I'm supposed to be doing. If you mean all of those links I have been reading them quite a bit. However at this very moment she is over at the guy's house with whom she originally cheated on me with. This is the one that she apologized up and down for and that she said she had ended it with.

I guess that's why you can't believe anything she says!!

I hope these books are as good as they are supposed to be...

The books are just that. Books. What they show you may or may not work. Every situation and everyone is different. What matters is what you do with the information you learn. I had to learn different things from different books, websites, etc. in order to understand my situation fully. It depends on what you learn and how you apply them to you and your own growth that's important.

I Agree with Mr Bond,

The homework is my first post which contains all you need to DO, all the links and written words.

Knowledge is power.

Yes I am going to try everything I can to apply the book info. She just texted this morning saying she misses the kids and wants to come home for the night.

SadDad8 - I think you need to be sympathetic(ish) and say no. Perhaps tell her that she needs to work on getting herself well and strong and that you are working on being a great dad and to not worry about the kids (I know that's not what she said she needed). A family isn't a wading pool that you can jump in and out of when you want to cool off.

Just my 2 cents.