Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Episode 3 - The Divorce Awakens

Great I will if it even happens, like I said - all the 2x4s in this thread are not going to change my wife one bit.

I always like how these newbies start insulting the people who try to help them and prove them wrong. Seems like a nerve was touched and the fact that Ginger tried to share her story of pain and it was ridiculed by qt4x11 really does speak volumes about how he probably treated his W.

Just an observation.

Was thinking the same thing Mr B...






prolly won't happen...

I was asked to look at this thread. I ended up spending the day reading all of your threads. At first, I wasn't even sure where to begin as it has been a while...

While I probably agree with Mach and there won't be a new thread, I hope you read this post and maybe gain some understanding.




I understand that you feel like you received a lot of 2x4's in this thread (in my day, those weren't even close to a 2x4).

The thing is, they aren't about changing your wife, they are about changing YOU.

DB, MC, or any other marriage saving endeavor you try...isn't going to save anything unless you change yourself.

I see you wanting to blame the pot use as the reason for why you are here.

While that might be the obvious cause, it isn't the whole thing. You lied, you were a jerk, and it was something that was ongoing throughout your marriage.

I see you playing the victim. It's all about what your W did in reaction to things that you did.

I believe that you probably would not ever hurt her or your kids...until you might...

My X, would never hit me. Until he did. Prior to that, it was him blocking my car in so I couldn't leave a situation. So we could talk it out.

He never hit our S. Until one day they got into a fist fight. Sh!t happens. It does. Things we never believe will happen, happens, when someone gets pushed to their limits.

I commend you on your sobriety. Although I have extensive experience with addictions, personal and education, and I have never known someone who could be addicted to one substance and be able to handle another. So your version of sobriety and my version of sobriety differ. You drink. You aren't sober.

You say that you don't yell, you just talk louder to ensure that you are being heard when you feel like someone isn't listening to you. I also have seen in your posts that you get a somewhat argumentative and insulting, including ridiculing, to people when you don't like what they are saying to you.

Is it possible you are this way with your W? I would lean towards yes.

Another thing I see is you saying you have decided not to lie anymore, and then you sign an agreement not to have R talk with your W and you send her a letter (regardless of whose idea it was) and you text, trying to get her to talk about it. How is that not lying? Or at least breaking your word?

I am not trying to pick on you. I want you to see what others see. I want you to understand that you can't change anything and expect anyone to believe it if you just say the words. You have to walk the walk.

There is an old saying...Actions speak louder than words.

Your actions and your words do NOT match up. They need to. If they don't, you will find yourself with a string of broken relationships in your wake.

You have some very smart and knowledgeable people posting on here and all you have done is try to push them away when you don't like what they have to say.

I wonder why that is?

Just food for thought..

And therein lies the problem.

Your wife is not the one who needs to change.

You have made a lot of good points cat, I never said I was perfect. I will take them to heart.

Also I apologize for flipping out in this thread - i know people are just trying to help. I guess what got on my nerves - and MrBond I apologize as well - is that people are making these really pat psychological evaluations based on really not knowoing me as a person. For instance



No. Just no. That's absolutely not me. Also - it is OFFENSIVE to me that men can be persecuted for being violent - *without actually having ever been violent*.




It was my DB coach's idea, and I was coerced into that agreement. I do not consider this a lie, what you write is a bit of a stretch.

Yeah I apologize to everyone. When I was arguing with everyone I was going through some *heavy* divorce related stuff having to do with a recent hearing and finances. It was blowing my mind, the cacophony of internet voices was not helping me deal, and I lost it.

I'm sorry again, I know you guys are trying to help.

qt,
I acted the same way with my wife. Sometimes I raised my voice and argued with her, and as an Italian, I think it's perfectly normal. In Italy most couples argue loudly and very few people get divorced. As long as you don't hit your wife and I believe you that you never will, you are perfectly fine acting this way. It's your wife who is giving up, not you, she is the one who filed for divorce. She is the bad one, you are the good one. You want your family to be together, she doesn't, you are the one that the children are going to respect someday, not her, no matter all the lies that she might tell them about you.

Thanks, I've known some italian guys and I know what you are saying I agree it is her divorce, but I wouldn't say anyone is 'good' or 'bad'.



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